Sunday, January 10, 2010


I promised myself that I wouldn't be too sappy in my words to you, or I wouldn't write about stuff that makes me sad, but darn it, I'm breaking both these rules with this one post.
I know by the time you read this, you will know you were not a good sleeper as a baby. In fact, your dad and I have probably told you this without any uncertainty 3,456 times (this year alone). Even now as I write, you are 7 months and you seem to wake up every 2-3 hours. Sometimes I don't think I can survive the sleep deprivation any longer. On your 6-month well baby
checkup your Dr. suggested that we let you, "Cry it Out" . Many people have given us this same advice, but they weren't your physician. We tried it a few times but it just rips my heart out every time til I feel like I can't even breathe (I swear I'm underexagerrating how I feel about it so I don't go on too long of a rant.) Well, Dr. Shaw (kind of) helped me see that you are lacking "self-soothing skills" (me=enabler) and that perhaps if you were to CIO, you would realize that you are going to be OK, and that you don't need mom and dad to drive you to nite-nite land, then the next thing we would know you wold be sleeping for hours on end!
As I'm typing I can hear the aftershock of your crying it out and I'm just plain old sad. We do the CIO method when we first put you to bed (not every time you wake up- eeegads, no.)
It stinks because I'm your mom, I want to soothe you, always. I want to hold you in my arms, kiss your sweet chubby little cheeks and let you know I'm here and you're gonna be just fine. That's what I'm dieing to do. As your mom I also have the obligation to teach you about the world, and give you the tools you need to be a happy, healthy little man. The second you came into this world I was so in love with you, and so scared that I didn't have what it would take to be the best mom in the world, and you are such sweet perfection, you only deserve the very best.
Now you are quiet in your bed and I am here telling myself this is just one of the little lessons we will learn together, and in fact when you are older I know on more than one occasion that I will ironically long for the time in your life that you woke up looking for me every few hours.
I love you Grey, and someday, if they invent words big and descriptive enough I will tell you just how much, but until then I will continue to do so in the only way I know how.

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