pretend

It went from summer to fall overnight. I'm preparing myself for my ugly months- November through March...I prefer me with a suntan...maybe I'll pretend with a spray tan.

This morning as I was making a mad rush out the door -5 minutes later than I should have been, I smelled it... 

Parker poo...(In case you don't have kids- your own child's poo smells- but is much less offensive in odor than other people's kid's poo). I didn't have a spare second to change him and since the poo was solid -I just reached in there and grabbed it- tossed it in the toilet, quickly washed my hands and was on my way. 

My first thought-That was a brilliant idea. Now if I drive 70mph in a 35 zone- I can possibly make it to my Doctor's appointment in time...My second thought- that was probably a weird thing to do... I will never write about that on the blog- but then I remembered my goal to be more transparent- and since sharing that makes me slightly embarrassed- that indicates Mission accomplished to me.



And luckily I pulled up to my appointment right on time...The only downside? My hands still smelled a bit like poo...and I didn't want the Dr. to secretly wonder why I smelled like poo- so I almost told her what had happened...It made complete sense at the time...thank goodness I ended up just washing my hands a bunch more and kept my story to myself.




I forgot to bring any snacks, toys or even a drink for poor Parker...and he was supposed to be taking a nap so he was miserable. Here he is playing with an insulin demonstration model. After that I put him in the handwashing sink to play and he turned the faucet on and was soaking wet...and I didn't have a change of clothes for him... We didn't do so hot.

After I picked Grey up from school all I wanted to do was lie on the couch, watch TV and listen to the rain...an activity vastly under appreciated by most 1 and 3 year olds. I knew we needed to get out of the house so I took my boys to one of my favorite old refuges. The bookstore. The smell, the quiet, the colors, the caffeine... 

Heavenly...



It wasn't nearly as quiet as I remembered... Which could have something to do with the little people I brought...the table should say hands and feet on learning according to Parker.








I was so excited to see these...Friend- are you old like me and remember these toys? The camera, the record player and the phone...


As I've mentioned before- Many kids on the Spectrum do not naturally develop pretend play skills- so it's our job to try to teach them in the hopes that they will then continue to develop that sense on their own. When I saw these costumes- I knew they would be perfect for pretend play.




Greyson- do you want to be the Fire Chief, The Construction Worker or the Doctor?... 
I ask patiently with a big smile on my face-- waiting to see his choice...and then about 8 more times impatiently as Greyson ran around throwing blocks on the floor...






GREYSON!!! I finally hiss out... WHICH. ONE. DO. YOU. WANT!???? POINT!!!! POINT NOW!!!! POINT AT THE COSTUME YOU WANT!!! NOW!!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!! I'M GOING TO BUY YOU A COSTUME!!!

People start to stare...AT ME...So I remembered to smile and pat him on the head as I pretend like I am lovey dovey and laid back...Greyson made his selection and we prepared to leave to get home in time for his 2 hour afternoon therapy session at our house (Applied Behavior Analysis- ABA). 

Many children on the Autism Spectrum have tantrums...they are absolutely not like typical 2 or 3 year old outbursts and can be pretty frightening to witness. Each child on the Spectrum is different- and so are their tantrums. Now that Greyson has been receiving ABA his tantrums are thankfully very short...They are more like outbursts than full on tantrums...he usually whines or screams-- occasionally throws himself onto the floor and is done after just a few seconds. Those are the types of behaviors we work to get rid of daily. 

I have no problem telling people that Greyson is Autistic in the appropriate setting. You know--like if there is a need (I don't tell the mailman or the person behind me at Starbucks for no reason). Tantrums can be really scary. If Greyson was Asthmatic, I would tell concerned people watching if he was having an asthma attack.
If I've run into unkind stares from Grey acting out- I haven't noticed because I'm too concerned about him in those moments- but I'm always grateful for the sympathetic eyes that seek me out. 

Grey's tantrums first started out of nowhere at 22 months and I can still remember the fear I felt watching him unravel...It was scary and painful...my heart would race...I thought he was physically hurt because of the intensity of his outburst and the pitch of his scream...What's wrong?! I would exclaim...Are you hurt? What's wrong? Oh...please- show Momma- are you hurt? What do you want?  My heart would break. I can't explain the inadequacy I felt...wondering what in the Hell I was doing wrong -that all the other parent's were clearly doing right...I doubted my ability to Mom for a long while...my heart would break because something was wrong with Greyson and I couldn't make it better.

I think we all have the fear that I am not as good as I'm trying to trick others into thinking I am. Like I'm gonna get found out- because I'm just this crazy flawed human trying to get my stuff together. I like coming here though, because it's alright if I don't have my stuff together- because the fact of the matter is---none of us really do...and that's OK...

It doesn't matter...the Universe is conspiring in our favor...



Oh- If you are wondering...he picked this one...and clearly wasn't as excited about it as I was...




That's OK...we'll try pretend again tomorrow.

Have a great day... Love- Chrissy