Sunday, May 19, 2013

keeping watch

I'm taking deep breaths right now...

In and out...


The bad part of the weekend? The goodness that comes to an abrupt halt at around 8pm Sunday evening... I start to think of the week and my heart starts to beat faster...and not the good kind of beat faster. I feel like I'm giving birth to a tiny little anxiety baby.

Why does Monday morning have so much power? I picture it with devil ears, rubbing it's hands together laughing at me.. And despite the fact that I think thinking is everything...I wake up and instantly start thinking terribly no good thoughts of not enough on most mornings...especially Mondays... I didn't get enough sleep... I don't have enough time... I don't have enough energy...

Not enough is never a good way to start anything...

But I've tackled a Monday before...a million times before really...And tomorrow I'm going to try to have one thought and one thought alone the second I wake up tomorrow...


I will just repeat it over and over instead of curse words when Parker wakes me up- cries crackling from the baby monitor beside my bed...


Because I know my Monday will contain tired and sucky and stupid and frustrated...

But it will also contain good and caffeine and happy and nice just waiting to be discovered... Hopefully an abundance of good.  An abundance of all those things I don't think I have enough of... sleep, time, energy...good thoughts.

Greyson got sick on Friday. His late afternoon ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Teacher said he felt warm and she thought he might have a fever. I grabbed the thermometer and checked... She was right so we ended therapy immediately. Greyson laid down in my bed and was asleep within 5 minutes.

Parker still had an appointment with our simply awesome Early Intervention Teacher via Citikids in the Clovis school district. We have amazing services provided by the state for Early Intervention where we live in California. Absolute abundance. We had fun playing and working with Parker...helping him explore and problem solve and figure things out...and although I love watching Parker bloom, I couldn't wait to get back to Grey. I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to check on his okness. As soon as it was over I ran upstairs to lay by Grey... I felt like I was doing something important by keeping watch. Michael came home from watch and I just stayed there for awhile keeping watch. I think that's part of what love is...sometimes there's nothing you can do. Nothing you can change or take away.

However, you can show up and keep watch. You always can find a way to do that.

I recently had a friend going through one of Life's little curve balls and there was nothing I could do to make it go away...and every night she was on my mind, and every morning I thought of her and wondered how she was feeling as soon as I woke up. I kept watch over her in the ways I could as best I could from afar.

I think keeping watch is something important we can do for the people we love- especially when we feel like there is nothing we can do. We can think and hope and pray for them. We can check in on them. We can help out when it's hard- but more importantly- keep helping and keep -keeping watch long after other people forget. Sometimes it's something simple like a note or a coffee...and going through what I have with the boys made me realize how incredibly important those seemingly small gestures can truly be.

This weekend was chock full of sunshine and good stuff...

Saturday was Michael's birthday. Friend, we went out for margaritas...our favorite thing on the planet.

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Salsa's in Old Town Clovis is my favorite. The food is so amazing you barely even notice the pretty terrible service.

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Michael's Chile relleno...They are famous for those. We had a great time drinking margs and laughing and debating if the phrase is- A force to be reckoned with or a force not to be reckoned with... How in the WORLD did couple's resolve debates before Google was born? Michael was right and I was wrong, the way it is written the first time is correct. Damn.

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Today Greyson wasn't quite back to himself yet.

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But pretty darn close I realized when he tee-peed us.

We checked out the new grocery store in town, Sprouts...we had to see what everybody is talking about.

Tractor out front- plus...

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Parker is still learning to point... He does it all the time- but never actually at anything specific. Or- he will see something remarkable- and he will point at himself instead of at the object... He makes me laugh in a way that also hurts just a tiny bit- to see him work so hard on something as simple as learning to point.

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They had lots of great Gluten (and dairy and soy!) free stuff. Even cupcakes with icing. I was so excited to get the boys lots of good stuff... Abundance...

So that's our plan- our theme- our mantra for tomorrow. K? Abundance...

And tell Monday to leave you alone. Tell Monday you are a force to be reckoned with, damnit.

Much Love,


PS- Like Life with Greyson + Parker on Facebook. Absolute abundance.


  1. You are beautiful. You should put pics of yourself on here more often. Have a great Monday!!

  2. Love the theme. MORE THAN ENOUGH instead of NOT ENOUGH. Everyone needs that as a theme on a daily basis!

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