Sunday something called the Two Cities Marathon ran right by my house. An entire marathon. And the streets were shut down until 3pm for said runners. All day long. We had to drive wild and crazy routes to get out of our subdivision and back home. And I was pissed...because I can't even run right now. I never realized how much you swing your shoulder- even when walking- forget running. And everyone in all of Fresno ran it. So rude. I miss running so much. It was one of my best friends.
And today, I put this picture on Facebook, because it's awesome.
And tonight Facebook told me this...
Yay. The Cookie Monster pic is more popular than 95% of everything else I've posted in the past week. I already knew Cookie Monster was more eloquent and funnier and bluer than me- I just didn't need Facebook to shove it in my face. And PS- I ate BUCKETS of cookies today. Sorry- it's the time of the month when you lock yourself in the pantry and eat the Doritos you uncharacteristically and sneakily bought like a bag of pot in the parking lot at 7-11.
Yesterday we had a family photo shoot for our Holiday cards. I hated it before it started. As I've mentioned before, I wanted that shot- it didn't have to be posed and perfect- but I needed 2 things: we all needed to be in the same frame. No one could look like they were in pain or pissed.
I'd prefer to give blood than do full hair and makeup on a school day. It's exhausting. I put buckets and buckets of makeup on, and false eyelashes to distract from my bludgeoned Super Cuts hair. A curling iron helped too. Think that is all a bit much just for Family Photos? Talk to me when you're almost 40. I'm hoping by the time I'm 45 I just won't give a crap anymore. Screw the makeup and the false lashes. I'll just wear some pajama jeans, a bump it and call it a day.
We went to the country club down the street from our house. Grey loves it there and they are closed on Mondays so we were free to roam. A photographer Friend met us- I would NEVER subject a stranger to our particular brand of crazy. I'm a Control Enthusiast (I heard that on a commercial- instead of Control Freak and I likey), so my Friend let me set the camera just how I like it. After everything was decided and adjusted- we'd drop the boys in at the last possible second.
It was horrible. At one point I was laughing and crying hysterically. It was exactly as terrible as I had remembered.
The shoot was even physically painful- like when Parker went limp noodle/stiff as a board and then bucked back and hit me on the cheek bone. At some point Greyson, Parker, Michael and I were yelling/crying/and or SCREAMING.
Don't my eyelashes look extra pretty while I make this stupid face?
And the Perfect Family was within eyesight also doing family pictures. I don't care if they aren't perfect in real life- they are perfect in pictures. They were MOCKING US with their perfectness. They were sitting together perfectly in their perfect way. The photographer would casually adjust them- move your legs this way, sweetie. Turn your head that way. And then not only would the non-screaming children listen, they would comply.
As I am staring at Perfect Family, feeling buckets FULL of mad, I notice something furry and moving....They have their dog at their shoot. THEIR DOG WAS BEHAVING TOO. If Belle or Jack had been with us, that would have been it. I would be in prison now, instead of here
Parker was probably trying to get down so he could go to the mall to buy a pair of pants that fit.
We have a few almost maybes. I will probably just end up doing an outtake card because it's much more entertaining than a happy smiling perfect family anyway. Take that perfect dog family- we win at funny.
Today I decided to at least get a good picture of the boys together in a picture. I redressed them in their same clothes. I had the help of two Behavior Therapists and for 90 minutes I took pictures.
This is a good indication of how it went.
And I know that taking littles pictures is really really hard. But trust me- when there are Super Powers involved- it's almost impossible. We are done with the taking of the pictures. My camera and I need a little break.
Tonight we ran out of hot dogs, so I had to waste some of my precious alone babysitter time to go to Trader Joes for our Nitrate/Nitrite free hot dogs. On the drive this song came on...
Oh man... My throat is tight listening to it over and over as I type. For at least today- this song feels like beautiful, hard, exhausting, precious life. It feels like Parenting. It really feels like Life with a child on the Spectrum. Please, please listen to it. And when it got to the lines...
You can see the summit but you can't reach it
Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
I lost it. And I rolled down the window and turned on the seat heaters and I cried buckets and sang horribly and I felt and felt and felt. The Control Enthusiast in me needs you to listen to it. I want to know I'm not the only feeler. The only one laughing and crying sometimes all at the same time.
So much Love,
LIKE me more than Cookie Monster on Facebook.