Friday, October 31, 2014

the beauty of time

It finally feels Fall-ish in the Central Valley of California. And by Fall I mean the daytime temps have at least dipped into the 70's. 

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As we prepare for Halloween I realize how so much of life is the same routine year after year marking the milestones of time. Many of us (ahem) scramble at the last minute to put everything together and are irked as we discover Christmas items already flooding our stores. Why does that make us SO MAD? Probably because so much of life already feels like it's on fast forward. So fast we get dizzy. We beg- Can't we just do one holiday at a time?! Our lives move forward with lightening speed and our babies grow even faster than that. We just want to be reminded of one holiday at a time because really that's all our heart can handle. Tonight I stopped by the mall and saw the North Pole set up ready to go for pictures with Santa. I took deep breaths and refused to get mad at "Retail America." I don't deserve to be mad, I deserve to be happy. So do you. Don't get mad- just don't buy yet. We will do one holiday at a time together, Friend. 

The other day I was telling one of our favorite babysitters about some frog I dated back in my single days in Los Angeles. He was kind but so so annoying. I can still hear the way he smacked his lips when he ate. And unfortunately once someone you are dating takes a turn onto annoying street suddenly EVERYTHING they do is annoying.

She looked him up his name on Facebook and showed me the picture. Is this him? She asked. I looked. WOAH. "WAIT- what?! I mean- that's him but he's like...'middle age'" I said the term in the tone you would reserve for some other disgusting word like 'panties' in shock. His hair used to be dark blond- and now it's totally gray. "Yes- that's him- but he's OLD" I said. "OHMYGOSH" I said realizing it out loud. "I'M OLD. We are the same age. You don't understand- I was JUST your age!!! I said gesturing to the young lady in front of me- "And now I'm old enough to be the same age as HIM'. It's funny because as human beings we are fascinated by time. You say or hear "it goes by so fast" at least once a day once you become a parent. We are so aware of time- and yet it still has the ability to knock us from our feet when we are confronted with it.

Time can shock us in many ways. For the past few years Halloween has been tricky. One part hope and one part heartbreak. Last year was more hope than heartbreak- a fact that flooded me with grateful. We have been very careful with Grey's costumes. No hats or masks or tight or itchy clothing. 

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This one was a fail.

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X's two

The other day we pulled out Parker's old dragon costume from last year. Parker saw it and lit up- "Dinosaur- roar!" he exclaimed. He was EXCITED. He wanted to wear it- the head covering and ALL! I can't wait to show you pictures. 

"DYE-SAUR". Greyson kept saying- pointing to Parker. "Yes! Parker is dressed like a dinosaur." "No- want dyesaur", Greyson repeated. "You want to wear it, Grey?" We asked in shock. "YES!" He answered. And he wore it the rest of the night. I came up with a plan. I texted my dear friend and asked her if she still had her Plex costume. 

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She brought it over and he hasn't taken it off since then. When he first put it on tears flooded my eyes and my throat got tight. Sometimes time is so incredibly kind.

If there is something you want...something you need from life-just wait. It will happen when time is ready.

So Much Love,



  1. That's awesome!! :-) Glad that the boys are enjoying some of what Halloween is, even if they don't really get into it the way typical kids do. My typical kid (can I say kid, if she's nearly 19?) would wear a costume just about every day if she could get away with it. I love that she is wringing all the fun out of life that she can though. Like you say, time goes so fast, I know it has for me, I want her to be able to enjoy her life in ways that maybe I haven't been able to.

    Happy Halloween! Hope everybody (including our pets) has a happy, fun. and safe Halloween!

  2. I had a similar experience this summer. We went to the fair in the town I went to high school in and I was looking for familiar faces. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen anyone I knew - and then I realized I was looking a decade too young! It was bad - I was passing by the 40 something faces, forgetting that I am one of those faces! :)
    Enjoy your Halloween today - my little guy is wearing a cardboard box on his head to be a Creeper from Minecraft, so I am pretty sure we will be holding hands all night.

  3. Oh my, so excited for you that your little ones WANT to be in costumes this year! I almost fell over myself when I went to my sons school yesterday and saw him in not only his costume but the matching hat as well!! *its the little things :) -K

  4. Maureen from ChicagoOctober 31, 2014 at 11:59 AM

    Love it! And love seeing these sunny pictures on a day when it's SNOWING in Chicago. (No, I'm not kidding.) Happy Halloween!

  5. I found your blog and cannot stop reading! You are real, honest and encouraging!!!You have a beautiful family and you are too. I'm digging through your archives and was just bawling when I saw the "Frank video" what an amazing man.

  6. Please don't ever stop blogging. My son was just diagnosed last week. I have read your blog for months once I found it because deep down I knew. The day came and even though I knew exactly how it would go, it cracked me wide open. Two days later was his 2nd birthday and I was surprised at how hard it was. I remember my other kids getting it was their birthday it was 2. My youngest son did not. When you write you give me hope and make me feel strong. I'll never be able to find the words to thank you.

  7. Great post. Yesterday was the first time that my 6-year-old son with ASD was excited to go trick-or-treating. He only lasted half an hour, but I'll take that. I think he and your Greyson are very similar...

  8. When I go back home to visit I will see people in the store and think to myself "That's so and so's Mom/Dad, then I will realize that it's actually so and so. They just got old.

  9. Neil wore a costume for the first time too!!!! We sorta felt normalish. Ha! Yay! I am going to write your last sentence down and carry it around with me. I need to remember that.