I'm beginning to think the key to living a rich and fulfilling life is actually a little bit of inconvenience. At least inconvenient by our standards.
I love this quote. It is one of my favorites because it reminds me of what is so important to me-recognizing the many gifts laid out before me and living simply in the moment. But it also scares me, because that thing that I crave- the thing I deteriorate without- is also the very thing that I often forget to do. Sometimes days and weeks in a row. I am scared that when I die I will regret all of those accumulated moments that I had not lived. But then it will be too late.
I crave a slower life, full of meaning. And I'm realizing it isn't the hustle of life that is stopping me from doing and having that. It is me.
I mean it couldn't have been easy for Thoreau to just drop everything and live in the woods. In fact, if you ask me that sounds pretty damn INCONVENIENT. But it's when we are forced to slow down and live more aware that we really start to experience the beauty and goodness in life. It's when things are terribly inconvenient and we overcome that we realize how little we need to be happy in the first place. I think of my greatest memories in life. The moments that stand out. They weren't convenient at all. They were often unexpected, hot, anxiety-producing and a million other inconvenient things.
This morning Parker really really wanted bubbles. But I
Fun for the win
Mahhhhh. Pewllllll, Greyson says to me hopefully. If he says it again I HAVE to get in the pool, I think. But I am so comfortable. I just laid down! The beating sun is bringing feeling back into my air conditioned chilled fingers. My eyes are closed and all I can see is yellow and gold. I have a book laid across my chest, begging to be read. Actually getting IN the pool was the last thing I was expecting to do while out at the pool.
But he changed the game when he said it again. Mahhhh. Pewl. His eyes turn up to me expectantly. And so many of the answers today were- Not now. Later. Put that back. We can't do that. When I'm finished. Not for breakfast. Maybe tomorrow. I'm in the middle of something now. It's too early/late/long/short- NO. Just no.
Sometimes living deliberately means saying yes.
I sigh, get up and tuck my book safely under a dry towel. I slowly step into the chilling water. AHHHHH!!!! I yell, slowly inching in further step by step. AUGHHHH!!!!! I hate cold water! Why am I doing this?! I WANT TO LAY DOWN AND READ.
Greyson's face explodes into a smile so big it turns into laughter. He starts to squeal and pull me towards him in the water. He is covered in goose bumps but not a bit cold- he simply feels alive. He is so so happy, simply by my presence in the pool. That thought gives me comfort and reminds me of the power the momma- the power that I sometimes abuse because it simply isn't convenient. After a few more seconds of inch by inch cold torture, I finally duck completely under. The echoing silence of sound under the water stops the constant movement of my mind. I hear the faint imprint of the outside world. I hear each swish and bubble vibrate to the top and I feel deliberate. That familiar hunger from life is, at least for this moment, satiated.
Sometimes the bounty gathered from our entire day is based simply on the things we pay attention to. I will try my best to add just a few deliberate moments to every single day.
We had a fun-filled July fourth holiday.
Friday night we went to a small fair at a local high school. As soon as we got there Greyson remembered being there last year.
He was remembering the fireworks that hissed and sparked and boomed so loud he could feel it in his chest. It was traumatic. His whole body shook as he sobbed and begged to go home. We were parked too far to instantly get up and leave so we sat it through. It was awful.
"We will just go on rides and walk around. No loud this year. We will ride rides and go home." He understood.
Parker was down for a few swirls of a sparkler.
Once the loud fireworks started Parker was over it, so my two boys and I went inside our friend's house and watched The Disney Channel. We are starting new traditions of our own.
It's the first year that I didn't push either boy to participate in any fire works. It's the first year I just didn't care that they hate them. It's funny how hard we hold onto traditions and expectations. I mourned their loss for a year or two, and now I am at peace with it. Truly at peace. You can't fake or fast forward the stuff that hurts. You just gotta go right through the middle of it.
I'm lucky I have a six and four year old to teach me the greatest lessons in life.