We are often a society of past grateful.
Which is actually the opposite of gratitude if you really think about it. It isn't until we move forward that we realize just how good it was. And right at this moment, we aren't even noticing the things that one day we will ache for and cherish. But not until they pass.
We look bad at old pictures and ache. My body was great in college! Why didn't I think so then?! My skin had no wrinkles, but I didn't appreciate it because all I noticed was the occasional zit.
I look at newborn pictures of Greyson and Parker. What I wouldn't do to have them that tiny in my arms, breathing in their sweet smell of powder and hope and life. Why wasn't I more present then? Why can't I go back for just a day? It was all so fast and I was always so tired. Exhausted from being responsible for every single aspect of their life. Assuming that life would get easier as they got older and I could be just a little less responsible. Which it did in many physical ways. But the older our children get, the less physical parenting is, but the more mental. There are bigger decisions to make for them. There are outside influences we have to let in. There are more aspects of their life have to let go of. So I am back, feeling grateful for the "easier" past when every aspect of their life was up to me. A fact I didn't cherish at all when it was my present.
We often long for an easier time- but the truth is- Parenting is never ever easy. It's not supposed to be. With love comes worry and work. It's the price we pay to love. It's a small one really, compared to our ability to love.
Why is it so hard to be satisfied with what we have? I often wish I had what the other guy ordered. I second guess most purchases. It would be perfect if it was a little more this and a little less that. The truth is, that perfect doesn't exist because I change it before I can keep up.
Today I will practice being grateful in the present state. Sometimes the only thing standing between us and current gratitude is the recognition that we want it and remembering that we must pay attention to the good that is happening right now.
Some day in the future, when I look back at my now, I'm sure there will be a tinge of sadness because of how fast time passes. But I will also know I was doing my best to live in that very moment and noticing all the gifts around me.
Sometimes he tries to eat the bubbles for the sport
It's not always rainbows and butterflies... but some moments- it is.
And there are so, (SO) many gifts to notice.
Grateful, grateful, grateful.
I think to practice gratitude- all we have to do is be willing to see our own life for all it already holds.
AMEN, Sister! So very quickly, today becomes yesterday, and so on. I don't want to miss it. I want to breathe and love and live and feel.ReplyDelete
You nailed it, Chrissy. And so beautifully.ReplyDelete
This spoke to me in so many ways. I loved it. Hope you and your gorgeous boys are well. Hugs.ReplyDelete
Oh WOW to that photo of Parker's hair and the bubbles. Impossible to look at without smiling!ReplyDelete