Tuesday, May 17, 2016


I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time 

And there's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you 

It was so hard for Grey to get up and start Mondaying yesterday. Hard for me too; I danced several rounds with snooze. We didn't brush teeth or hair. We made it to school five minutes later than usual which was enough to throw both Greyson and me off. 

Encourager. It's my favorite, and hardest roll as a parent. I get down on my knees and look into his fleeting eyes, tears forage a path down his cheeks as he begs to get back in bed. Yes, you can do this buddy. I know you are sad, and boy do I know it's hard. But you are so good at life. So good at this. So good at Mondays, simply because you've made it through every single one you've ever encountered. 

I was happy that impatience wasn't around, sometimes, especially on Mondays it likes to hang out. On this day though, there was only love. I wiped away his tears and I hugged him tight. 

Parenting is encouraging them, when you could use a little encouragement of your own. 

It's filling them when you feel empty. 

It's feeding them when you are hungry.

It's all so draining...and so filling at once.

Juxtaposition: noun the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect. I've always been in awe of the juxtaposition of the world. And even the world juxtaposition that seems to convey its very own meaning. So smooth, chaotic, jagged, contrasting. 

Children are so strong, so fragile. Layers of therapy required to undo pain caused in childhood. So often a pain that never really goes away. Children are so strong, making it through autism, divorce, abuse, death, pain.

This morning I drove Greyson to school with the seat heaters and AC on. Juxtaposition. The sun was out at its brightest, auditioning for Summer. Modern English- I Melt With You, was on the radio. 

Dream of better lives the kind which never hate

Trapped in a state of imaginary grace

I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race

Never comprehending a race that's long gone by 

Because of him, I now wince at loud noises, vicariously feeling his pain. I get overstimulated easier. I can hardly handle itchy shirt tags, I can't focus when they are bothering me.

Because of him, I also see beauty in the sunroof. 

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God, it's breath taking... The hum of it opening, the ease and predictability of the buttons. In an instant, the whole world spilling into our car. The calm of wide open spaces surrounds us, and the air dances quickly inside. I see beauty in watching cars drive by, in steam dancing off of a hot pan, in items lined up, perfectly in a row. The very beginning of waves rippling on an otherwise still pool. The world is so beautiful, I can hardly stand it.


So much beauty. Everywhere. So much pain.

This is life.

1 comment:

  1. It's like you can see my life, friend. How is this for juxtaposition? I had to take Jace out of his Cub Scout meeting last night because the special presenter had fire safety dogs that barked too loudly. Also, Jace was overcome with anxiety that the presenter would sound the smoke alarm. Today, he is standing in front of the school in the talent show, singing Cole Swindell's You Should be Here. He may bust out a dance, too. I will keep you posted.
    The world is beautiful. I am amazed, everyday, at this life God has trusted me with.
    Thanks for your company on this journey.
    Love & happiness to you, sweet Momma. xoxo Miracle