Tuesday, June 14, 2016

no antidote to pain

Life is so precious. A fact never as evident as it is when it is taken away. Especially when it is taken violently and abruptly. For every 99 people, there is one bad. But that one bad has the potential to be so very,very destructive. 

There was a mass shooting in Orlando, Florida targeting the gay community. This Momma feels a fierce protection for minorities, especially those that are persecuted and misunderstood. People do not choose to be gay anymore than my boys would choose to have autism. And I will never choose anything but love when it comes to other humans. I'm way too mortal to judge anyone. I read everything I can, and watch television dedicated to covering the shooting. I just want to understand something that simply can not be understood.

The world sits by feeling hopeless. Powerless. Because we can't stop terror, we can't end hate, and we can't bring back life. So what do we do? I am a fixer and a feeler. I often ask myself -how can I be the change? What is my responsibility in all of this. This world belongs to all of us. But times like this I feel like there's nothing I can do.

There are no magic words to make the world a better place in an instant. And we can never ever fix the wrong that has been done. But there is always something we can do. I'm going to repeat that, because it's important.

There's always something we can do.

We can never give up on the world. On love and goodness. On doing the right thing. On waking up every day and trying our best to in moments overlook obligation and celebrate life. We must use positive forces to stand against the negative. There are a few things we can do to be who we want to teach our children to be. To be the good in a world that can often feel overwhelming and bad. 

Honor the pain- The shooting massacre in Orlando is big and awful and tragic. So many eyes saw a glimpse of tragedy too awful for anyone to have to see. Today I sat in my bedroom and read the name of each victim out loud. I wanted to honor each name, each story. Each life so unique, just like yours. There were people that had little tiny babies at home. People who just bought a house. People who just moved and were beginning fresh starts. Right in the middle of living, they died. Pray for their families and friends. Pray for the Gay community, recipients of hate from too many people. Prayer for their safety. Many people on earth are carrying their own pain and trauma. You can't put a positive spin on it. You can put a silver lining on it. You just have to honor the ache. 

Recognize beauty- The world is so beautiful. The trees, the sky, the water, the birds, the earth, the meaning of life connecting full circle with the world. Sometimes it amazes me. Sometimes I forget to notice it. I must remind my eyes to see beauty. I remind my ears to hear beauty. I remind my nose to smell beauty. The senses were created in part- to enjoy the earth's abundance. It would be such a shame to waste that. So today- notice the details. The rainbow speckled through the sprinkler spray, the smell of banana bread. The sound of giggles of dog yawns and lawn mowers. All that sound means we are alive. 

Gratitude- We have so much to be grateful for. We can't only let this be evident when things are taken away. Gratitude is a daily practice. A muscle that must be stretched and flexed. It's been proven that grateful people are happier people. Gratitude involves being present, being aware, focusing on what you do have and not what you still want. A recent study on gratitude indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy. In addition, those focusing on gratitude experienced less depression and stress, were more likely to help others, exercised more regularly, and made greater progress toward achieving personal goals. Focusing on the gifts we have, makes us better people. Better people make the world a better place.

Value your own life- Each soul is sacred, special. There is nothing more important on earth than life, yet it's something I know I continuously take for granted. We recognize that babies are miracles on earth, but so are we. We were chosen to exit here together for this finite period of time. God poured love into us and wants us to be a part of this world. God doesn't make mistakes. You are fricking awesome. Your life has meaning. 

Create beauty- We all have this ability, but we don't all have the ability to recognize it. Trust me, it's in there!!! God made us creative human beings on purpose. Everyone's creations look different. Do not get caught up in what someone else's creativity looks like. If you are focusing on theirs, you can not simultaneously foster your own. Some people create beauty with their words, helping, supporting and inspiring others. Some people create beauty with their hands. They build things or bake things or paint things or fix things. Some create beauty with their mind- they write words, poems, letters, notes, even legal briefs that make the world better. Some heal with their hands. 

Sunday I was feeling bleak and I decided that I simply needed to create something beautiful. I needed to feel. We took the boys to Fresno City College and roamed around the empty campus in delight. 

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It was beautiful. My pictures contain the most beautiful boys I've ever laid eyes on. I want to share that beauty with you.

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This fountain made us so (fl)happy.

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Parker likes to get real close.

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Uh oh. Too close. And back up pants in the car were used and not replaced a few months ago. Ain't nothing wrong with a naked ride home when you're five. (and we maaaay have also stopped in the McDonalds Drive thru.)

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My favorite shot of the day. The first time they've ever spontaneously held hands with each other. I couldn't breathe it was so good.

We can not stop the bad, we will never be able to. But we can create the good. In fact, creating good is a task we are all called to do. Despite the world's pain- we still must stop and pay attention. We must recognize beauty. We must hold those we love close. More than ever, we must, to the best of our abilities- to add more kindless, love, beauty and hope into the world.


  1. That last photo is priceless.

  2. That last photo is absolute perfection


  3. Beautiful boys indeed. Thank you for sharing yourself and your boys with us. I am thankful for your inspiring words, pictures, and gentle reminders to live and love and be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be.

  4. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

  5. Pretty sure you meant to use the word "antidote"....not "anecdote". (Definitions attached)
    Blessings to you and your boys!

    : a substance that stops the harmful effects of a poison
    : something that corrects or improves the bad effects of something
    Full Definition
    1 : a remedy to counteract the effects of poison
    2 : something that relieves, prevents, or counteracts

    : a short story about an interesting or funny event or occurrence
    Full Definition
    : a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, or biographical incident

  6. Beautiful photos as always. Just beautiful.

  7. The hand holding so touching! Gives me chills to see this and it was the first time they reached out to each other this way. Thank you for sharing.

  8. YOUR BOYS HELD HANDS! Oh my gosh. Just wow. I love that shot. I cannot believe you captured it so fast and its in focus! I would have been fumbling with my camera and missed it. This just tickles me so much! It is such a perfect ending to your post...to this particular post about coming together to celebrate life and all it's beauty. Your beautiful boys always teach us how to enjoy all that we are given one moment at a time. That picture, holding hands, just so perfect. Even if they never do it again, they did it once and we needed the healing that photograph brings.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for expressing so well what we have all been trying to put into words since the Orlando tragedy. You are so right. I am gay and did NOT choose it. I would not wish it on anyone. Sweet Chrissy, you are such a gift. I'm all the way across the country on the east coast, but often you are virtually hugged by me after reading one of your posts and you don't even know it. ((((Chrissy))))