Thursday, September 6, 2018

end of summering




We soaked up Summer right until the very last drop. All these memories will go into a box in my mind and wrapped with a bow labeled SUMMER 2018. One day I will revisit them, take them out one by one and examine them. I will remember the feeling of sun burn and the smell of chlorine, and the taste of sunshine, and marvel at how little they looked in the Summer of 2018 and wonder, where has the time gone?

One day when it is cold here and my car shows freezing temps and it is too darn early in the morning, I will go back to this day. To this water. To this feeling.

Over the long Labor Day weekend, we went on a boat with friends. The night before I told Greyson "We ride on boat" with his communication device. "NO BOAT! GREYSON STAY HOME", Grey yelled in response. "I stay at home", I say, correcting his pronoun like a good nagging Mom. "But no- you can't. You will like it." I tell him, because I know his soul better than my own, and I knew this ride would be amazing.

I scoured the internet to find pictures of boats similar to the one we would be riding. Greyson stared at them intently. He started to warm up, while Parker practically sang over and over, "I RIDE BOAT!" smiling the whole time. Finally after examining several different pictures, Greyson warmed to the idea. "Ride boat, no swim Ocean" he conceded. "No swim Ocean!" I agreed, like I agreed that it was the most horrible idea ever, mostly because we were actually going to be on a lake, but either way- I wasn't going to make him. Knowing full well he would on his own. But sometimes we just need someone to feel our pain, meet us where we are at, and to agree.

My crew, there to celebrate the long weekend, and my friend Heather's birthday.

Oh my friend, I am smiling as I tell you, I played like a kid all damn day. I jumped off the boat into the water with Grey- because he loved it and I wanted to love it with him. I was scared because it was high up and I did it anyway. Sometimes he pushes me out of my comfort zone and makes me a better human.

I just realized your buns are hanging out here, Andrea. I'm sorry. But since they are nice buns, I will leave this right here. 

He did this all on his own. The boys were all playing- balancing and knocking each other off of the paddle board. Grey swam out and hung out with them for awhile. My face still hurts from smiling.

I love Summer me and boy do I miss her already. She's not nearly this uptight and all business. When I grow up, I will figure out how to keep Summer me in my mind all year long. Until then I will just keep trying. I will make room to play. 

So many times we grieve the end of the story. The carved stone. The things we long for that are no longer available for us.  Sometimes my mind gets stuck in  - this is how things are and this is how I will always feel. We forget as each new end comes along, that this may also be a beginning. We forget that things change all the time, and so does how we feel. It's a scary, beautiful thing. Things will change- that sucks, and thank goodness. And all we can do is work hard at letting go, moving on and keeping our eyes hopeful for the next good thing. 

Happy end of Summering- 
so much love,


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