priorities

It's so easy to lose yourself to the obligations of life. 

Transfer the wash into the dryer. Go to your dentist appointment. Go to work. Schedule your physical. Don't forget eggs at the grocery store. Get gas. Pick up the kids. Pay the bills. Day after day after day. And then we wonder why we feel burned out and life feels unfulfilling. 

And then on top of all the minutia, we have guilt for the things we didn't do. The card we didn't send, the present we forgot to buy, the closet we meant to organize, the old person we didn't visit, the job we didn't do our best on, the kids sport thing we didn't volunteer for.

As humans, we are drawn to self help books. "Let Them" by Mel Robbins was a big topic at our girl's trip this weekend.  It's a good and important message reminding us that we don't have agency over other people's thoughts and behavior. If they want to do that- if they want to think that- then let them. I poked fun of it- claiming that it applies to like 2% of my life's big stressors and just doesn't work for me. Parker just recently learned how to turn on our stovetop and light paper on fire. He's been caught TWICE doing just this in the last week. "Let them" is going to get my house burned down. 

Lord knows most of the time it isn't "them" I'm fighting anyway. It's ME. (Please cue Taylor Swift singing, "It's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me.")

Most of us know WHAT to do to live a happy and fulfilled life. Just like we know what to do to lose weight or decrease stress any other accomplishment we want to tackle in life. But we dread the hard work of the middle. We don't trust ourselves. Or sometimes we know what to do- but we are just stuck in figuring out HOW to apply it to our own life and circumstances. I get it, and I fall victim to that too. If a book can help us unlock the wisdom we all carry inside ourselves- then why the hell not?

We also know what makes a life fulfilling- and chances are it's not the mundane crap I listed above, like laundry and dental check ups and an obligatory dinner with the Boringsons because you already committed to it. We must make an effort prioritize the things that matter to us. What do you want your life to mean? What do you want it to be about? When you die do you want people to say, "What a woman, she never missed a teeth cleaning." Most people have a list of their own priorities. Some say God, or creating things or family or friendships- ticking the things off that matter most to them. 

But if we aren't pouring into those things at all, let's face it- they are not a priority. And I'm going to hold your hand while I say this, priorities can't be based on wishful thinking. That would be like saying your health is a priority while you eat McDonalds cheeseburgers and lay on the couch every day. We must give our time to the things that make our own life a living, breathing, beautiful thing. And sometimes it is hard to remember what matters most to us, in this once in a lifetime, life we are living. 

So how do we change this? Sometimes it's just a matter of taking inventory and putting words to our priorities and values. We are all busy- but we need to make time for the things we value. Write yours down, speak them into words. 

I value learning new things, pouring my soul into things (substitute teaching and writing does that for me), being creative. I value connection with others as my authentic self. This is a great topic to journal on because I know there's more to my list.

Let's say you value friendship, for example- one of my priorities is meaningful connections with people. And because of that I have learned I HAVE to dedicate time to that. It takes showing up for others and yourself. It takes seeing and being seen. It takes making plans and showing up for them. It takes remembering the important things about people. Sometimes its easy, sometimes it's inconvenient- but you can't say it's a priority if you don't DO as if it's a priority too. 

Which is how I found myself on Saturday afternoon, driving to meet my old college friends for an overnight in Cuba, Missouri. It is so hard for me to leave the house overnight. It's part anxiety, part homebody, part I despise disrupting Greyson's comfort- and when I leave, it's hard on him. It's a struggle I carry. But I believe the struggles we are given in life are there to help us become the highest potential of who we are meant to be. 

So I took the 80 minute drive while I listened to the music I wanted to listen to, and I sang my heart out and not one teenage boy told me to stop. It was lovely. 

I was taunting my friends with a dead mouse stuck in a trap because I don't act anywhere near my age. My friend Sarah, has the most perfect little space for weekend get aways.

I have numerous memories that were not photographed, partially because we were all just present in the actual moment, and partly because we are 90's girls- pre cell phones and we know better than to incriminate ourselves with documentation. I'm kidding! (Not really). These people just feel like home.

So now here I sit with you and think about my priorities. Some people are stone. Unchanging. Hard. Impenetrable. Nothing comes out and nothing comes in. 

I want to be clay. I want to continuously be molded and shaped by the experiences I have and the people I meet. I want to be open to new shapes and sizes and ways of thinking. Moldable. Adaptable. 

If living a beautiful and authentic life is on your to do list too- take inventory. What do you value most in your life?

So Much Love,

Chrissy