Real Life

The Marathon is really over...that fact is truly setting in now. I ran across the finish line and the prize was placed directly in my arms. I experienced a flood of feelings that were felt and forgotten soon after, 2 years ago with Greyson. Overwhelming exhaustion and a significant searing doubt in my mothering abilities filled me with anxiety and fear. Two under 2! What was I thinking?! That compiled with the fact that Greyson wasn't President of the Parker Fan Club, or the the Mommy Fan Club anymore for that matter, caused some tears to be shed...his and mine. But that's OK, because it was exactly where we needed to be to get to where we are today, and where we are now...is pretty darn good...

The metal warming blanket was immediately placed on my shoulders, I rehydrated and now I am back to life. I am currently cruising down Newborn Lane and I am loving the view. On my current Fave's list?

Sleep Grins

Sweet little perfect toes

Baby Stretches

And...smooth glowy eyelids, Gremlin noises, and rapid shallow breathing. If only the camera could capture just how sweet you smell.

I can't believe I'm going on this journey again, and I no longer mean that in the "what was I thinking" way. And this time I know more of what I have to look forward to. We are so lucky.
Even though we are going through growing pains, we still have many blissful moments each and every day.

You, cracking Dad and I up- wearing his 10-lb shoes

I love you so much, my first born baby boy and big brother

Grey, your Independence thrives. You are chatting and doing more and more. You like to do things yourself, sans help from mom and dad. Your tenacity is a beautiful force that will always serve you well. You are getting used to your baby brother, and by now have figured out he's not going back to where he came from. You enjoy swinging him in his swing (we are working on the term "gentle" because the swinging is a bit on the rough side), and now instead of swatting him away, you like to give him a hug (again, we're working on gentle.) when we bring him near you. As you adjust to Parker's presence, every day normal life goes on.

Parker Town, USA

On April 16th, 2011, I sat in my bed in room 214-B at Clovis Community Hospital at around 4pm, waiting to be discharged. In my arms was one bundled baby, Parker Douglas Kelly. I gazed intently at him, and I was singing, yes, singing out loud. I'm sure you know, I don't have a good voice, but I didn't care, because being in love makes you do silly things, like singing out loud. I made up the words as I went...."Parker Town, USA-a-a-a- It's the kind of place you visit and it makes you want to stay..."

I'm starting in the middle of this story because I don't know how to start one of the most important stories of my life. I want to do it justice but I can't stream together simple words to convey such a monumental event and all the feelings that have spilled out since then.
I sit and type these words today, May 16th, exactly one month after we brought Parker home from the hospital.

Too much time has passed since I last wrote, but I just couldn't bring myself to put everything into words. At first I wanted to wait to digest everything. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. I didn't want to write, "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and I'm not cut out to take care of two little kids. I suck." When not recorded memories have a way of sprouting wings and taking off, and as the days have gone by I am losing memories. Precious, raw, real, poopy, sweaty, worried, sweet, scared memories. I realize, I will never have it all figured out and completely digested, and that's OK. It's better than OK, because that in between stuff is life. The real part of life.

Parker's Homecoming. My 3 Favorite People in the Universe.

Too often we live in the next moment, never feeling the present.
"I'll be good when I'm not pregnant anymore...I'll be good when he doesn't eat every 2 hours... I'll be good when he sleeps through the night"....and so on.

And the next thing I know I will be sitting at your high school graduation and suddenly that thinking will reverse...
"I just wish he was still was my little baby...I just wish we could cuddle and watch Blue's Clues after his nap one last time"...

I want to live in the right now, and although the right now isn't always perfect it is the only thing that is real and that alone makes it beautiful.

So I'd like to introduce my love, Parker Douglas to the World.

In the future I will write about the birth, your reaction, Greyson, and all the stuff in between....but for now I'm going to snuggle with my crying baby in the little crib next to my bed and be grateful for this moment right now.