Monday, May 16, 2011

Parker Town, USA

On April 16th, 2011, I sat in my bed in room 214-B at Clovis Community Hospital at around 4pm, waiting to be discharged. In my arms was one bundled baby, Parker Douglas Kelly. I gazed intently at him, and I was singing, yes, singing out loud. I'm sure you know, I don't have a good voice, but I didn't care, because being in love makes you do silly things, like singing out loud. I made up the words as I went...."Parker Town, USA-a-a-a- It's the kind of place you visit and it makes you want to stay..."
I'm starting in the middle of this story because I don't know how to start one of the most important stories of my life. I want to do it justice but I can't stream together simple words to convey such a monumental event and all the feelings that have spilled out since then.
I sit and type these words today, May 16th, exactly one month after we brought Parker home from the hospital.


Too much time has passed since I last wrote, but I just couldn't bring myself to put everything into words. At first I wanted to wait to digest everything. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. I didn't want to write, "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and I'm not cut out to take care of two little kids. I suck." When not recorded memories have a way of sprouting wings and taking off, and as the days have gone by I am losing memories. Precious, raw, real, poopy, sweaty, worried, sweet, scared memories. I realize, I will never have it all figured out and completely digested, and that's OK. It's better than OK, because that in between stuff is life. The real part of life.
Parker's Homecoming. My 3 Favorite People in the Universe.

Too often we live in the next moment, never feeling the present.
"I'll be good when I'm not pregnant anymore...I'll be good when he doesn't eat every 2 hours... I'll be good when he sleeps through the night"....and so on.

And the next thing I know I will be sitting at your high school graduation and suddenly that thinking will reverse...
"I just wish he was still was my little baby...I just wish we could cuddle and watch Blue's Clues after his nap one last time"...

I want to live in the right now, and although the right now isn't always perfect it is the only thing that is real and that alone makes it beautiful.

So I'd like to introduce my love, Parker Douglas to the World.

In the future I will write about the birth, your reaction, Greyson, and all the stuff in between....but for now I'm going to snuggle with my crying baby in the little crib next to my bed and be grateful for this moment right now.

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