This morning I looked out my back door and noticed it was raining....and when I looked a little closer, I realized it was only raining in one spot ...in my defense, this is before I was caffeinated... And at even closer inspection, I realized that our sprinklers had gone off.
It made me realize that is what your brain is like when you welcome feelings of guilt into your mind....it's raining- but only on you...while the rest of the World is bright and sunny.
A cognitive or emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes -accurately or not- that they have violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that action.
Is guilt playing on a broken record player in your brain? It's time to sell that junk on ebay, friend. Get it out of there. Make it part of your Spring Cleaning regimen.
There's Catholic Guilt...Jewish Guilt... People who use guilt to manipulate- YUCK...but nothing like the guilt of a parent...Especially the guilt of the Momma. Mother's guilt. Shudder. It varies in intensity based on the "crime"...all of it is bad. None of it is productive. I was blown away by it's thick presence when we attended Early Intervention Preschool... So many Mom's feeling accountable for their child's developmental delay. I heard so many excuses...he's the youngest, so he didn't get as much attention as I would have liked...We brought home the new baby and he got ignored. ..I let her watch too much TV... I waited too long to get pregnant... Assuming you weren't smoking Black Tar Heroin while pregnant, no one causes their child to have Down Syndrome, or any Syndrome for that matter or Autism. I think Scientists would have figured that one out by now..."On the 11 o'clock news tonight, see how Yo Gabba Gabba has recently been linked to Autism."
I understand that Guilt is one of the stages in a 7 stage model of grief. It may be a step you need to take before reaching Acceptance and that's ok and understandable. But it's important to make sure it's just a stop on the road to acceptance , and not somewhere you plant roots. Thinking that way is unproductive and delays full acceptance of whatever your situation in life is.
Even the little day to day guilt is not good for you. Like plaque in your arteries, it builds up. Since I am writing about guilt, today I was more aware of it. I kept note of it. By 12:29 I quit keeping note because it was freaking me out. I feel "guilt" so much. I swear I even felt guilty when I realized how often I felt guilty. Guilty for rushing to get to preschool in the morning and not getting up earlier. Guilty for stopping to get Starbucks instead of stopping to buy G's waffles... Guilty for eating a whole bag of Pop Chips (at least they are only 3 oz.)...Guilty for being 3 minutes late to pick Grey up from school, guilty because Teacher Holly stayed as Grey's wingman instead of taking a lunch.
I used to feel guilty that Grey had to spend all day every day inside doing ABA therapy. Then I took that guilt as a sign I needed a change, and so I did something about it. I spoke to the powers in charge and now we sometimes take ABA on the road- we go play with kids and run around in the dirt and we intertwine ABA throughout. It helps him generalize the skills he is learning and it's been very rewarding. I'm here to break the rules.
Greyson ABA'ing at the park. Enjoying the company of some adorable lady friends...
Working Mom's feel the guilt daily! I remember. It's so counter-productive.
Feeling guilt doesn't help your kids-- or you! So Stop it! Either use guilt as a signal from your mind telling you it's time for a change, and then work towards making that change, or work on eliminating the guilt completely. Make a choice. Don't choose guilt. Don't let it rain only on you.
Michael has been traveling a lot for work lately. I have started to book a babysitter for a couple of hours each evening that he is gone. Last night I did it and decided- I've earned this and I'm not even going to feel guilty about it.
I went for a run at Woodward Park by myself. Because of that, I started my 2nd Moming shift with a clear head.
It was GLORIOUS!
Last night my mind was able to realize that Guilt was a choice, and I wasn't going to choose it.
I'm going to try to keep guilt off of my list of choices...
Alone time makes me a better Mother, and I want to be an awesome Mom, so I am learning to take it. Guilt makes me nothing- (but crazy.)
Sometimes we put all these preconceived notions on ourselves- to the point we may not even remember who our authentic self is anymore. Show people the real you. Give people the opportunity to love the real you. There's no room for guilt in that equation. No place for perfect. We've had a worry free Wednesday before here at LWG... Tomorrow, Friday, March 23rd will be a GUILT FREE FRIDAY! Each time you start to entertain a guilty thought, STOP IT. Get McDonald's Drive through, get a mani/pedi, book some alone time, Take a spin class, watch Reality TV, pawn your kids off on your in-laws, buy some new shoes, eat a whole bag of Pop chips or peanut M& M's! Whatever you do, don't let GUILT play a supporting role in your life story.
Have a great weekend!
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