Lucky

It's funny... When I write about running, I write about how good it is for my soul...how great it feels. There are plenty of nights like last night though. Michael has been out of town for a couple of days and I was exhausted. My legs felt like hundred pound weights. I think I ran 20 minute miles. s l o w. I turned the corner back onto my street and start to walk, relieved that my stupid run is over. I see a car pull into my neighbor's driveway and a man gets out. He yells over to me, "I am not a germ phobe."

Clearly he is not talking to me? I don't even know him. He repeats himself- "I am not a germ phobe...I'm around kids all day and they carry alot of germs. I'm not a germ phobe." By now I'm really confused...and I just say, "OK, I don't understand why you are telling me this, but OK."

And then it hits me...The guys car is silver...my physician neighbor that lives there has a silver car... I vaguley remember -what I thought was my neighbor pulling into his driveway many weeks back when it was dark out....I remember seeing him standing by his car, slathering antibacterial lotion on his hands- which makes sense because he's around sick people alot...and as a joke, I remember yelling out, "Hello, Germ Phobe!"

But turns out, it was not my neighbor...it was this guy- (who turned out to be their daughter's guitar teacher). And this poor guy just thought that some crazy lady running with two dogs had been yelling out odd insults to him from the street.

Moral of the story? It doesn't matter what random strangers or people you don't care about yell at you....or say about you....or think about you. You don't have to justify yourself to them. They probably don't really mean it anyway.

_____________________________________________

When we first started Developmental Preschool in July, people often told me how lucky I was….

You’re so lucky he has good gross motor skills...

You’re so lucky he can say a few words…

You're lucky he sometimes makes eye contact...

You’re so lucky he only screams for the first few minutes of circle time.

These statements caused a burning annoyance in my core. I wanted to yell – "Hello?! Have you looked around? I’m at Early Intervention Preschool for my developmentally delayed child who might be Autistic. I had no idea anything concerning was going on until just a few weeks ago. I am not lucky!"

Since I have absolutely no poker face, I’m sure I did say those things without words. I just remember half smiling and nodding my head in pain.

Now that I’ve marinated in Spectrumville, I get it. Now I see all the colors of the spectrum and I realize how beautiful my rainbow is.

I am lucky. I just didn't realize at first.

Greyson's current developmental stats are figured out according to HELP- The Hawaii Early Learning Profile, a checklist containing 685 skills and behaviors in relation to all areas of development. It's good for determining the "next steps" for Greyson's learning course. When I look at the chart I think, This actually is Rocket Science.

The thing takes up our kitchen table it's so big (and did I mention confusing?)

I don't get too caught up in what he is or isn't doing, I just take it for what it is- a resource tool that helps professionals determine the best ways to work with Greyson to help him excel.

In actual age Greyson is 33 months old. Developmentally he is age appropriate in Gross Motor and Fine Motor skills. His Cognitive Development is at about a 30 month range. His Social and his Self-Help Skills are at the 24 month range. His language is at the 15-20 month range.

One of my favorite things that I’m lucky my Spectrum kid does? Kisses and laughs…Baby laughter is on my list of things I want to hear when I get to heaven (that and "Your case of size 6 1/2 Christian Louboutin's are right this way, Chrissy"). But first, baby laughter...

Bottle that and call it Zoloft

.

I love Facebook for many reasons…It gives you a chance to connect with old friends…it keeps you from being bored….it helps you stay in touch with people far away. We have Therapy at home with Grey- or speech therapy not at home- Monday through Friday from 8:30am until 5 or 5:30pm every single day. I can't leave the house when therapy is going on- and I participate in many of the programs throughout the day- like "Brush Teeth", "Take off shoes", "Attending" (getting him to make eye contact when his name is called), "Walk with me"...And I take care of Parker. I rarely have any time to talk on the phone. If I do- it is not a real conversation- it is, "Meet me at the Park in 5 minutes". Real friends understand- and if they have any bitties, they probably can't talk either. Like many stay at home Moms- sometimes I feel lonely though...and in need of some adult interaction. Even though I don't have time to talk on the phone, I do have a second here and a second there to check Facebook and email. It helps me feel connected to the outside World.

I also hate Facebook. When I first realized Greyson was on the Spectrum, I stayed away from it for a few weeks. I couldn’t stand to see all the happy people with typical kids. I couldn’t stand to see all the adventures the World was going on while I felt like I was going through hell. I didn’t have the energy to go to the grocery store…and I didn’t want to read about someone else going to Disney World.

One day my pain subsided, and I was back to myself. My name hadn’t changed but I felt like a completely different person. I didn’t want to keep a lid on the fact that I had a Spectrum Kid, but I wasn’t really sure how you put something like that out there. And so we did just that….I put it out there on my status update. I’ve got a Spectrum kid…come read our story...

It’s hard for me to believe that was only a little over a month ago. For the first couple of weeks of sharing my soul, I felt like I was walking around with my shirt tucked into my underwear. I felt raw. Vulnerable. Like I was saying- "Here are my thoughts, World. I hope you like them. Please don't think my thoughts are stupid."

Sometimes I still get just a tiny bit apprehensive about being so transparent, but it's my life's mission now- creating awareness for different- and it's bigger than me. I am so glad that I shared, and every message or note or email you send me solidifies that feeling even more. I save them, friend, and I read them when I need an extra push.

I am so grateful for all my new friends, deeper connections with current friends and most of all -Your help in changing the World one person at a time. Can I get an Amen?! (Sorry- don't know where that came from.)

I couldn't have reached such a broad base of people if it weren't for Facebook and for that I am grateful!

In my opinion, Facebook can help facilitate real and authentic relationships, but it can also let things turn surface- if you let it. Sometimes I feel like it’s too easy for me to click the “like” button. It allows me to be less authentic than I would in person. There are many many times that the “Like” button is perfectly appropriate and awesome, it means- "Hey, I stopped by, I like what you have to say, I like your picture...I like your thought...I like your LWG post!;-)"

But then there are times that calls for more. If a good friend came up to me and said, "My Dad's cancer is in remission" I would certainly share more words than "Like" and walk away. But for some reason I find myself doing that on Facebook. Or if a friend said, “Look at this picture of my newborn little baby.” I wouldn’t just say –"Like". I would stop and really look and I would say what was really on my mind. “He is beautiful!" or "She looks just like you." "I’m so happy for you, I know you will be a great Mom."

So, for this weekend, I am not going to hit like once…I’m gonna comment.

Oh friends, preschool was Magic again yesterday.

I walked in to pick up Greyson and I saw this...

I couldn't believe my eyes.. I blinked hard a few times, thinking I was imagining it. I did a double take...and still saw...

Greyson was sitting with his friends, like it was nothing out of the ordinary. My head said, "That can't be Greyson....Greyson does not sit with friends...Greyson runs for the door...Greyson plays by himself in the corner. He does not sit with friends-- even for a minute."

Remember when I talked about Choosing Your Own Adventure? I'm so glad we chose this one! And it's moments like that -that makes me realize every hard moment and every hard day is so worth it. My boy is doing so good!

I am so lucky.

Happy Friday Friends! I want to hear from you too. Find me on Facebook.

Feel free to share this blog with people you love and while you're at it you should totally become a member--over there on the right. I need more help in changing the way the World views different!!!

I was polishing up this post this morning and I heard a crash in our front closet...My whole body tensed and I waited in fear for the tears....Silence...I ran over and this is what I saw.

Parker sought out his love, the vacuum. He saw the door cracked and just went for it. Do what you love this weekend too. Just go for it. You deserve it.