Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Real. Crabby.

Today started out rainy....and quickly turned into one of those brilliant beautiful blue-sky'ed days that made me want to stand at the top of a hill and yell out...

"Screw you, Beautiful day. I'm in a really bad mood."

Some days when I've been in a funk...I have been known- on more than one occasion --to go back and read my own words...I try to get in touch with the soul that wrote them. Most days I feel happy and grateful and joyous... But I am also real, and real people get crabby and sad and pissed too....and I wanted to share a little bit of those parts too...because I'm guessing you can relate.

Michael left yesterday morning for work. Thanks for working so hard, Dad!

I used to read a Mom blog...Man, when I first stumbled upon it, her words infused my soul. She said so many things that I connected with. She lit a path for me to want to be a better person, and a better Mother. For that I am still grateful....But after time I started to realize the words were always rainbows and unicorns....always fresh baked pies and tickling toes... and although I totally worship the power of positive thinking...I also need room for raw, honest and real...I don't do Stepfordy. I do real. I need a little sour with my sweet chicken...a little spice with my sugar.

Life is purely a mental sport. If you are a construction worker, the strongest man in the World or a professional dancer for the New York Knicks...the following words may not be for you...

Everyone else? Read on...

Mom'ing is certainly a mental sport. Physically it does have it's challenges and it's demands... but for the most part the truly arduous part has nothing to do with the physical...the picking up or the dropping off...the brushing of hair and the brushing of teeth....the making lunch and the fixing snack.... Easy.... The same can probably be said about your day to day even if you don't have kids.

It's the emotional and cerebral portion that may cause an error message of insufficient funds to come up in your soul. Today, I didn't have Super Human Powers...they must have swirled down the drain during my shower. Today I was shorter with them than I would have liked. Today I didn't enjoy the small things as often as I could have. Today I didn't always use a kind voice every time. I was just so tired. So frustrated. So in need to plug in and refuel. Sometimes the life of a stay at home Mom can feel isolating. Millions of others are doing the exact same thing as me at the exact same time...but sometimes I feel alone. Everyone has different school or nap schedules....Dr's it's hard to find the time and a way to connect with people throughout the day.

Parker's top teeth are breaking through and he wasn't happy unless I was holding him for most of the day.

Airplane makes everyone feel better though. His poor teefers.

Grey skipped his nap this afternoon and was running around the house turning on every light and every ceiling fan....going from room to room- opening doors and slamming them shut....opening drawers and pulling out contents- throwing them on the floor --and I was walking around -trying to clean up and keep up ( I sit here with the dim light of the TV on, I am laughing at how funny this is -and especially funny that it so totally pushed my buttons at the time!) But that's just the thing...on the days that it feels like too much- it isn't about the is about the perception... The things that set me off wouldn't have even phased me on another day....but today, they did. That is the mental part.

As I look over my pictures from today...I remember it wasn't all bad. Not by any means....that's part of the reason I love pictures so much. They help me remember the good.
Man do I love this thinking face.

I am a Control Freak....and part of my Control Freakness means I can usually control my, not instantly...but after some period of ponder.... I am a happy and positive person by nature, therefore, when I get into a mood I can usually talk myself out of it. It took me a long time today...

I had some alone time...I went for a run...

The view at Woodward Park in Fresno, CA. during my run. Seriously, who brings a camera on a run?

I cleared the clutter....and suddenly... and not so suddenly, I felt like myself again.

Maybe you can relate to my feelings...maybe you can relate to my thoughts...and if you do, it's nice for all of us to know- even when we are by ourselves...we are not alone.

Thanks for all of your emails ( and messages on Facebook.
I love hearing from you.

I'm working on a Frequently asked Questions post. If there is anything you have questions about, shoot me a line! Me, my family, photography, life, etc. (As long as it has nothing to do with the topic of vaccines or any other "controversial" Autism topics. I was a communication major; I'm not qualified to discuss vaccines with the public. For the record, I think vaccinations are a personal choice and should be decided by you and your physician...not some crabby chick that writes a blog).



  1. You certainly are not alone in these feelings! Being a stay at home Mom is a tough job...throw autism into the mix and it's extra tough, to say the least! I feel for you and am right there with you. Hope today is better day for you!!

  2. Ha ha! I enjoyed this read. Last night Levi was up from 12:30am til 4am with an aching tummy (so of, course the 5am alarm to go running was not useful again). Ugghh...I'm SO not ready for today!

  3. OH HECK YEAH!!!! I had one of those days this week too. :) I was even crabby with the dog....who gets crabby with a dog? lol

  4. Love that you are so real and open in your blog! An always sunny blog type eventually makes me feel Badly as my life surely has all types of weather. You have an awesome mix/perspective during it all. You put into words exactly what I feel and yet always inspire. I love your writing!