Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Ours is not a glamourous life, but it is real, and it is all mine. I work daily at accepting the fact that Greyson has Autism. Most days I don't think of it much at all. Some days it consumes me. Sometimes it's really hard to accept your life situation. Sometimes we feel sadness about our story...we feel guilt for our choices...we feel anger for the things we didn't get a chance to choose... The less we resist what is...the more we accept...the more of a chance we have to be truly happy...-not put on a happy face-happy...but toes in the sand, sun on your face, bliss in your heart- happy.

I want to be happy. Today I will choose to be happy.

As parents, we do all we can to make sure our children grow up not only confident, but confident in who they are. Confident in their own choices. We work with them to shape and mold them, so that when they are presented with options, they choose good ones. And sometimes being a parent means knowing when to step in when we see them making choices we would rather they didn't...and when to step back and learn to keep quiet.

Parker is in love with the dog's water bowl.
I have to move the dog's bowl eleventy-hundred times a day to put it out of Bitty P's reach.

Today when I saw this choice he made, I felt it was more important that I take a picture than stop him. Perhaps you would like a sippy cup next time, Parker? Oh man, you should have seen his face after he would take a drink. Independent bliss. He would smack his lips and go down for another gulp....and then come up and grin...(if you don't have a dog, the fact that I let my baby drink out of our dog bowl is probably pretty repulsive, I know!)

Right now, it's more important than ever that I help Greyson find his Greyson-ness. Currently he is in intensive all day behavior therapy (ABA- Applied Behavior Analysis) in our home. There are many behaviors of his that we work daily to eradicate. At first I felt like I was stripping away who he was by doing this...now I realize that I am just helping him find his real self. He is learning how to play...he is learning how to learn...he is learning how to talk. The past 6 months of therapy have been tough on Grey, and tough on me....and when I start to feel like it's too much, I remember this small period of Early Intervention is actually just a long term investment in our future. I just have to remind myself to be patient.

Don't let this sweet face fool you.
He is a 2-year-old handful (and I say that with a smile).

In my past life, I could present to an entire room at a National Sales meeting and I could say phrases like hypogonadotropic hypogonadism in my sleep... I could debate Key Thought Leading Physicians and confidently hold my own...but this sweet little face is excellent at getting my blood boiling....of totally throwing me off my game. He's not even 3. He shouldn't have that ability. Every time I try to describe why a night with Michael gone is so hard, it sounds comical out loud to me. At the time, it feels a little like hell, but afterwards it's hilarious.

Do you know what I love so much about you? The way you shared and continue to share this blog with your friends. I love the fact that this Awareness post is still circulating. There have been 80 hits to it alone this week, and it is only Tuesday. I still can't believe that just one month ago now, I heard the words I had been dreading for months....I heard that my beautiful and perfect son Greyson had Autism. I thought I would die from sad. I almost hoped I would...just disintegrate into the ground.

But I didn't... I am still here.

Finding out Greyson was Autistic, was a lot like running in the cold rain a few weeks ago.
At first I felt each and every icy rain drop strike me in the face. I felt the cold air on every body part that wasn't covered. Even the covered parts were resisting... slowly...I started to regain feeling in my numb limbs...finally breathing came easier... My body and muscles grew warm...they remembered what they needed to do...and the next thing I knew, I was actually enjoying my run. Sure, I would have picked for it to be sunny...but it wasn't really up to me.

After the rain, I can always see clearer.

Accept or change whatever it is that is hurting your brain.

I see remnants of Parker's party all around and it makes me happy. It's funny...all of the balloons have congregated into our front entry way.

And then there is this guy...

My Greyson balloon...

I want him to choose to be with the other balloons... but he wants to be alone... Sometimes I just have to let things be...and believe it will come around.

Thank you for stopping by, friend. Have a great Wednesday.


  1. The picture of Parker in the water bowl is one of my favorite pictures ever. Sweet boys.


  2. My kids usually flock to the computer when I read your blog because of the music. They like looking at your pictures and always ask who those kids are! The pic of Parker drinking from the doggie bowl had my 5 year old in stitches. That is kind of gross but really funny she says! :)