If I never ever compared Greyson to another child, the fact that he is Autistic probably would affect me much much less. I might even assume that our way was status quo. I do silly things like compare him to typically developing kids even though I know it isn't good to do. If you tell me I just need to stop comparing him- I will tell you- It's not me- it's my brain!...and I haven't totally learned how to control it yet.
I am human. I am flawed. I do dumb things sometimes- like compare. You see the pretty pictures in my life because the pretty moments inspire me to photograph them. There are plenty of ugly, boring and dirty moments you do not see.
One of my moments of high Autism anxiety occured a few weeks ago. I was talking to one of Greyson's ABA teachers and she was telling me about the Autistic preschool that Greyson may go to.... she said that one of the great things about the program is the fact that they even have the bus come right to your front door to pick your child up. My heart felt like it stopped. It was like she had just told me that I didn't even have a choice in the matter and some big fat sweaty guy was going to come to my front door at any second and rip Greyson from my arms.
I google'd fat sweaty bus driver- and he came up and it made me laugh so I had to use it!
I almost went and locked the front door right then. I said, "Oh- He will NOT ride a bus. I will bring him to school every day." (Like a mother bird squaking loudly when someone gets near her nest...I'm pretty sure my voice was cracking.) The teacher said, "Actually, many of the kids love riding the bus." and I smiled and said, "I totally believe you. It might very well be Greyson's idea of heaven...I might be doing him a grave disservice by driving him... But he will STILL not be riding a bus! I just can't put him on a bus. He's just a baby!" (and by the way- if you CAN-and DO put your kid on a bus--- I DO NOT JUDGE YOU!!! We all do what works for us friend!)
And then abruptly, I had a terrible feeling in my gut...my heart honest to goodness truly did stop...and time actually did slow down...and I could hear myself asking the next question before it even came out of my mouth...
Is it....a little.....yellow....bus? (please say no, please say no, please say no.)
And she said...
And my breath got sucked out of me...I was so sad....because whether I drive him or not, my son is eligable to ride on a little yellow bus...and I never thought I would have a life where that was a possibility. I think back and try to remember- have I ever laughed at any little yellow bus jokes? With relief- I couldn't remember anything of the sort.... Shew...and then I remembered that just possibly I have said that somewhere some stupid person I've encountered should totally be "riding on a little yellow bus"... Yes, I can't remember any specific instants, but I know I've said something like that before. I am 38 and still learning....good from bad, right from wrong. When to talk...and when to shut up.
Too heavy...moving on...
Little Lightbulb of the day...After eating bananas for....oh...almost 3 years, and talking about them for ---hmmm---at least 2, Bitty G said Banana all on his own today...
I had to model it (say it for him first) but I didn't have to prompt each syllable like I usually do. Ker-Chow!!! Ka-ching! Patience paying off in action. See what I mean- Little Dude teaches me.
Until I wrote this blog, I didn't realize it was unique to show people the real you... being real and being flawed is a big part of that equation. It's all just part of showing up for me. And the fact that you are still cool with the flawed & real me makes my heart sing a little ditty. If you don't already, I want you to give people the opportunity to love the real you too. The real and beautiful honest and raw real you. I know for some people this is not at all easy. It feels like walking around naked at the gym....but I bet if you do it--you will give your friends the freedom to do it too...and your relationships will become that much more authentic.
As women we often compare ourselves to other women (Moms totally rock at this). It is only human nature. We see something someone else does and instead of thinking- "Wow, what a fantastic person! Look at how awesome they are at that!"...Our first instinct is instead to think - "I don't do that. I suck."
I say we work to celebrate the people in our life and celebrate the things that they are awesome at. Take our focus off of what we "don't do" and put our focus on what they "do-do" (tee hee hee..do-do). Man, we could all stand to share some of that feel good elixir. Tell your friends what it is you admire about them for absolutely no reason at all. I guarantee there are things you do that they admire too. Why don't we share those kinds of sentiments more often? At first you may feel a little...weird...do it anyway. Give 'em specifics..."I like the way your house is always clean." or "I like the way you don't sweat it when things are out of place." "I love watching you play with your kids." "I love how you are so dedicated to swimming- and it shows- you look amazing! ". "I love your positive attitude." Call them, text them, write it on their Facebook page...tell them to pay the compliment forward. Trust me- it will make you so happy you did.
Teacher Amy, I love your patience and dedication to itty bitties and to your job. You make a difference. You inspire. If you have any questions about your child's behavior or language, contact Teacher Amy at The TALK Team. She loves helping. firstname.lastname@example.org
And if you are on the receiving end of one of those compliments...work on saying, "Thanks"...Don't belittle your totally awesome self.
I'm so glad I chose to be happy today. The 80 degree weather certainly helped.
I only took it away for a second!
Throwing ice in the pool is on Greyson's list of "Things I totally love to do". The best part about it? He has to talk to get the ice.
I layed out a bunch of plastic bowls for Parker...thinking that he would love all of his own personal water bowls as much as he loves the dog one....
Wrong, instead he preferred to dangle precariously over the pool and try to drink that....
And we finished off the daylight with a itty bitty photo shoot for Bitty P's First. (Thank you Michael for your patience with my frequent impromptu photo shoots and for giving me time for "just one more picture" every day!)
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