I need to ask you a favor. Where do you get your sense of self- worth? I need to find a new place to get mine... Somewhere that sells some a little less fickle.
Sometimes I get it when Greyson has an awesome day. When he's totally on, he says words....in a row....that belong together...like, "I want door open"... and when he looks at me--he really looks at me.
and Parker is crusty but happy and we spent lots of quality time together.. and enjoyed the small things and played... but then there are days that are really hard on both of us... Grey screams and falls to the ground when he can't communicate... his eyes are in a different World, and despite all I try to do...I can't get him to focus.. and Parker is miserable and I can't make anyone happy....so my self-worth is gone.
Some days I get it when I go on a long run....and nothing hurts, and I've got babies and doggies and my lungs feel bigger and stronger...and I could probably run forever...but then on the days when I skip, or I can't go....or I am slow and heavy-footed...and my self-worth is gone.
Some days I get it when I do it all...I take photos, I edit for clients, I transport Grey and Parker with a smile, I schedule appointments, I return phone calls, I run ON TIME everywhere, I forget nothing...but then there are days when I don't remember to bring diapers with me...and someone poops.....and I can't make time to call someone back...days when I do 3 things and someone else undoes 4...and I can't catch up, or catch my breath....and my self-worth is gone.
Some days I get it when I have lots of time to get ready...and I just got my hair done...and I have on a new outfit and when I look in the mirror- I think- yep....gurrrllll- you still got it....but then there are days when there are bags under my eyes, and my skin looks terrible...and I'm dressed like a homeless person that works out...and the hairs on my head look like they got into a fight with each other....and my self-worth is gone.
Some days I get it when I write a good post, and people are nice to me, and someone brings me coffee and visits, and some random guy lets me into traffic, and some older lady at the grocery store lets me go first because she said she can tell I have my hands full, and my friend Kasey texts that she will bring me over wine cuz she knew I needed it, and the sky is blue for forever...
But then there are days that nobody stops by, and someone cuts me off, and people were rude, and I'm scared about our future, and someone didn't call or text me back, and I ran late everywhere and I wished my family lived closer....and my self-worth is gone.
So, as you can see, I'm in need of a new source for self-worth. Something with a little more staying power. I'll pay top dollar for it. I'm gonna need a lot of it because I'd also like to give some to my sons too. It's pretty important stuff.
I totally get you. My problem is I have more off days than ones I am confident about. My other problem is that I am too hard on myself. I am pretty cool when I think about it, just not as cool as I want to be. This responsibility of being in charge of two other little lives makes can be a bit overwhelming...especially when I think I'm screwing that job up!ReplyDelete
We are worthy because God says we are worth the life of His son. I will be the first to agree, feeling incapable and having 'those days' will make me feel like a failure as a mom, wife and woman. These words can be easy to type but hard to live! God never fails us, never changes his mind about how much he loves us or how important we are to Him. God made you in His image. Our children are images of us...I wouldn't want it any other way! So, the best I can say is that when you feel like poo because of all the things that happened today, perhaps remembering that you were made in the image of the most powerful, loving being ever (on purpose!) will help....a little. :)ReplyDelete
Chrissy, I enjoy your blog and admire the way you write. Your boys are beautiful.ReplyDelete
I lift my eyes up, unto the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven. Creator of the Earth. So I will wait for you to come and rescue me, come and give me life. Psalms 121 - you don't have to pay top dollar for your self worth. It comes free and flowing. And I hope you find it in the Maker of heaven and Creator of the Earth.ReplyDelete
What a great post - I can definitely relate. Keep writing you have such a way with words!ReplyDelete
I must get my self worth at the same place! I think lots of us do. :) Great post girlie!ReplyDelete