Friday, June 1, 2012

Where the Garden Grows

"Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." 
Steve Jobs

You may not believe that you can change the World. But I want to tell you that you can.

But only if you think so too.

Until I realized my son was Autistic I certainly didn't think I could change the World, and--you know what?  I didn't really care to -to be honest...what really needed changing? I was happy. Life was status quo in my bubble...

But now we are walking on a path traveled by just 1...for every 87 that go the other way.

1 in 88 children are diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder...
I've got a Spectrum Kid and I wanna slap that on a T-shirt and wear it proudly...
I want Autism to get more air time...I want to create more understanding...because the more you understand- the more you will share that knowledge with the World and the easier Greyson can assimilate into the World....Every time you have shared this blog you have shared Awareness for Autism Spectrum disorders and for bright and beautiful souls like Greyson...for whatever reason they have for being called different...and as I type, my cheeks hurt from smiling because of that... and for that I am happy, giddy and grateful.

It's funny- in grade school and high school...most of us so desperately wanted to fit in...I wanted to wear Treetorn shoes because that is what everyone else was wearing....

And then usually at some time in college...most of us wanted to be our own recognized for the unique person that we are.

And now as an adult...I sometimes feel that familiar teenage angst...wanting to fit in...wanting to be a good Mom by not only my standards- but according to other Moms too- so I guess that means that I want to be the same...
But I want to be different too...
Different is no longer something I run from...I get down on one knee with my arms open wide and I welcome it. Different doesn't mean bad. I listen hard to who I am deep inside...sometimes it is a quiet voice, and sometimes it is so loud I can't ignore it. Like this, I never ever ever would have shared it with the World if I was just a regular old Mom... But all of the sudden, something epic was happening in my World....and not sharing it wasn't an option. Don't keep the real you inside. Give people a chance to love the person you really are. Sure, you can work on the things you don't love about yourself, but don't you dare hide your different. Wear your different out loud. Crabby, happy, sad, mad, silly, tightly wound, creative, quiet, loud...whatever it authentic. I'm realizing now, I mostly only connect with people who are different. People who aren't afraid to be real and honest and genuine and unique. People who don't try to be like every other person.

If my life was a sitcom, today's theme would be growth...and those sweet growing pains caused me to shed a few tears... I picked Greyson up from preschool at Where The Garden Grows only to remember it was the last day of the school year. I felt that sweet swell of nostalgia deep in my chest. We've been going a little over three months now...and Thursdays have been a sweet spot in my week because of it.

In a World full of chaos...he keeps me focused.

And three months isn't a long time- I told myself...not long enough to cry...(I told myself again)...and we will be back for a whole month of Thursdays in July for their Summer session...

But then they made this damned book with all of Grey's art work and it also had pictures...and man, you know how much I love pictures....and suddenly I didn't care that I was crying...because it's OK to be sad and happy at the same time...and it's OK to be sad in front of people and even cry too. Especially people that you entrusted with your soul.  Oh....Teachers...Your job is so important...I'm sure most of the time it feels unglamourous ...possibly even a little thankless but you are changing the World- for reals. Like we talked about... you really and truly are... 

I remember back to our 1st day borrow a quote from my awesome Momma friend KD, I'm convinced that my umbilical cord wasn't cut...only stretched.

Today was water play is so cool they way they play on purpose there.


There were so many emotions trying to make sense of themselves as I drove away from school...
Sad... I hate endings....and I hate to say it...but our Thursdays there let me experience just a little taste of Typical World.... where I was just a Mom...and Grey was just a boy...and there were no IEP's and no School Psychs, no assessments, no stress...and I would do it all over again and again and again- but I wonder- if I had never tasted the chocolate- would I even know what I was missing?

Sad because those sweet Teachers felt a little like home to me... Sad because they were so good to Greyson and they helped teach the rest of the kids all about different because of him. And I know they will continue to do so long after Greyson is gone. Sad because there were a million things I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words.... Loss and gratitude... they often go hand in hand...not always as quickly as we would like...but they find each other.

Thank you Mrs. Patch, Miss Lisa and Miss Christina...Like Little Orphan Annie said, "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying Goodbye so hard."

Have a great weekend Friends!

1 comment:

  1. I cried like a baby when I was at conferences for Natalie. All that teacher had to do was open up her journal and BAM! Waterworks! Did the same on the last day. Even when I was a teacher, I would always cry on the last day of school. Oh how I would fall in love with those kiddos. Now the tears come from moving on and up. It IS hard to say goodbye to a wonderful teacher and class.