What do you want out of life? My answer to that question is really quite simple...and all boils down to one thing...
I want to be happy.
Here's where the confusing part comes in- and that is figuring out what it is that actually makes me happy. I am slowly learning how to live that answer. Through trial and error I learn....Hmmm...I thought that would make me happy, yet I was wrong...and I had no idea that this would bring me so much joy.
Happiness comes....and it goes...and the great part about that equation is its flip side- sadness also comes and goes. And neither lasts as long as we might expect. So hold on tight- this moment will be over soon...whether we want it to or not.
Bedtime last night...impromptu glow stick fun outside. Made us all very happy.
I'm pretty sure he sees things we can't when it comes to light and water. He has Super Powers.
Something about the "right before bed" hour sometimes feels sacred. One of my favorite parts of being a Mom.
On October 18th, 2009 I went into the employment World for the first time as a working Mother. Greyson was a little over 4 months old, and I thought I would die from leaving him daily. For months I cried daily every time I thought about going back to work. As a Parent, I now had a real and raw vulnerability- the potential to hurt in a way deeper and sharper than I could have ever imagined before. As a Mom, I wear my heart on my sleeve....and my pants, and my shoes, and my head and my eyes. Sometimes loving someone this much hurts...
Yet Mom'ing makes me so very happy. And when I look back at the time, the memories make me happy all over again. Happy with a side of happy.
On November 18th, 2009, one month after I returned to work, I received a very important email that told me everything I needed to hear...it praised me for transitioning back into the work world so seamlessly. It talked about how important it was to set an example for my son- to show him that sometimes things are hard and we may not want to do them- but we still have to be strong and do it anyway. It kindly told me that all my worrying had in fact, not paid off- that Greyson was doing just fine without me-he didn't in fact hate me or forget about me because I left--it reminded me that I was still a full-time Mother despite the fact that I had a day job. The author even told me that if I stopped and looked around- I would realize that there were things I had forgotten about the job that made me happy....like driving around by myself listening to Howard Stern in the morning...or wearing grown up clothes that were spit-up free...like eating real food for lunch like sushi- instead of 27 gold fish crackers, a piece of licorice and a half a bag of stale pretzels.
And you know what, it was right... I am still grateful for that email.
Do you know who wrote it?
When Greyson was 3 weeks old I came across a site called Future me. Often when I think of my Future- I do so in worse case scenario. I don't give myself a locker room worthy pep-talk. I tell myself to prepare for the worst so that when it happens, I don't fall crashing to the ground.
Guess what? That doesn't help...and the worst case scenario in our mind - never turns out the horrible way we imagine. The Future me website is awesome because you can write the Future You an email and designate a delivery date all the way up to 2062.
I fully believe in the importance of living in the present moment- I know that the only thing that is actually real in our life is right now...but I also believe in goals, and I believe that when I talk to my head about the future- it needs to start being more exciting and positive and less about what I am afraid might happen.
What would you tell the Future You?
So, today was the day....
IEP. Individualized Education Program.
Once again my worries were unfounded. Let me start out by saying I can't think of a single thing I'd like to sit around and talk about for 2 1/2 hours straight...not even my children...so I can't really say it was fun or awesome....but as far as IEPs are concerned, it was really good.
Here I am after...see? I'm just fine.
It was nice to have a room full of people...all there for one reason.
Him. Team Greyson. His happiness is pretty darn important to us.
I attribute the ease of the meeting partially due to the following tips. Despite my constant research and working on the IEP for the past few evenings, I never came across the following things I did that helped me through it, so I will detail them for you...
1.Wear cute shoes. It's hard to be anxious when you are wearing cute shoes. If you are a Dad reading this, I do not suggest hot pink.
2. Caffeinate. Diet Pepsi on the way, Starbucks at the meeting. Everything is better with caffeine.
3. Hot buttons. The words we hate to hate. To start the meeting I asked if we could avoid the words on the left and instead replace them with the ones on the right. Those words, despite however functional - cause an immediate gutteral reaction for Michael and I. Avoiding them completely made for a pleasant meeting.
Thank you Noah's Mom for the Super Powers substitution!
I'm glad I over-researched because I went into the meeting with a big bag of knowledge which always makes me feel at ease. I kept telling myself- this is a business meeting. That's all it is. And the School District advocated on the behalf of Greyson, right alongside with us. There were no tears, no yelling; Team Greyson was more than willing to work with us on goals and placement. It was a collaboration of minds working for my son Greyson. We still have some homework to do before we finalize it and make it official. The meeting resulted in a game plan for Greyson's Future that looks bright and promising. The Future Him is doing so good in his new program, I can't even believe it. Future Him wrote me a letter telling me all about it. (The Future Him can talk AND write!!! Holy Cow.)
And although it was stressful, I realized the overall theme of the day was really stinking good while I was giving Parker a bath last night.
The hard times...the struggles....they never last.... But the happy ones live forever in our memories.
None of us knows what the box called our Future holds... but something tells me it is going to be really good -and I don't even need the Future Me to tell me that.