Sometimes on Sunday nights I want to Spring clean my entire self...I want to start from scratch. Ughhhhh! I think. I want to be HEALTHIER! I need to start eating MORE vegetables. I need to stop drinking so much soda and coffee! I shouldn't eat dessert every single night! I shouldn't eat the scraps of food that the boys don't finish...and I don't need to snack every time they do. I should quit gluten too. I should take MORE supplements and vitamins (even though I kind of already take a decent amount). I should do sit ups. I need to drink more water!
And I'm left with this overall feeling of disguistingness...and then I say screw it - that's too much...And then I do nothing. I'm ready to break that cycle... in baby steps... 2 things... 2 things only, I decided today.... That's realistic...I'm going to start drinking more water...and I'm going to start taking Magnesium.
What about you? Are there any little baby steps you want to do to take care of you?
He bores me, so I try not to talk about him...but Ted (the mean and terrible muscle knot/spasm/trigger point) is still here. In my never-ending quest to remove him from my life I went and got some trigger point injections today (they try to pin-point the actual spot the muscle is hurting by palpating the muscles looking for spots that radiate pain). I've had them before and when you get them- the pain relief is usually instantaneous....so since Ted is still here- I'm thinking this go round was a bust. Tomorrow I start physical therapy...Keep your fingers crossed.
It was hilarious...after the Dr. gave me the injections he said, Now go home...lay down and relax...ice each muscle we injected... Great idea Dr.! Can you leave the office and take Greyson to speech for me while I do that? And can you bring Parker with you too?
The things I swore I'd never do once I became a Mom...
I'm doing them.
I remember I was about 11 years old...I had a notebook- and in it -a page called, Things I will never do when I'm a parent. Tonight I committed what had to have been sin #2...maybe not number two, but it was for sure up there.
As I was cleaning up from dinner (yes- I cooked- for once. crazy.) I said, Greyson, Would you like an orange for dessert? As soon as the words escaped my mouth I couldn't believe it. I vividly remember asking my Mom, What's for dessert tonight? - you know- like we lived in a restaurant...and sometimes if we were out of cookies or ice cream she would say, You can have a piece of fruit...and I felt like clearly we were having two different conversations because fruit could never ever be referred to as dessert. Fruit is fruit.
Another one on the list:
Bitty Chrissy: Mom, I'm bored. (this happened a lot. I guess I expected to be entertained at all times).
Mom: Why don't you go run around the house a few times?
What? I still don't understand where this one came from. I've heard from other Midwest friends that their Moms said the same thing... If anyone can explain this one to me, please, feel free.
I'm also pretty sure that I won't commit number 7 on the list...Serve slices of wonder bread with butter as a dinner side (I'm guessing it was #7...unfortunately I no longer have the notebook)...
Late Sunday morning Greyson and I were on our familiar jogging route. We go to the Country Club at the end of our development because they have an outdoor ice machine and Greyson adores it. As soon as we leave our house he usually tells me, "I...won....eyessssss." And so we go and get one of their white Styrofoam cups filled with ice, and my boy is happy. Once we arrived this past particular Sunday, I asked Greyson if he wanted ice in his blue drinking cup that we brought with us- or in the familiar white disposable one...and Greyson wouldn't look at me or answer me. I asked him a few times...and then I just sat down on the ground in front of him, silent...because I can outstubborn Autism any damned day of the week. And I then waited for him to initiate conversation with me.
As we were waiting a boy came up to get ice. He was easily almost 6 feet tall- but his face showed me that he was still a baby. His face was bright red from heat and covered in sweat...and as he put his cup under the ice machine he started to cry. ..
Are you hurt? I asked him, alarmed...
And he said, He was a cheater...I can't stand playing with a cheater! And I realized he had lost a tennis game. I told him, I'm sorry, and he nodded his head and took his cup and went and sat by himself...Some adults came up and were cool- but there was no making this guy happy- You did a great job! They told him. You hung in there for all 5 sets!
But every child that came up to him asked the exact same thing...Hey! Did you win?
A seemingly harmless question...One that I'm sure I've asked a million times... But to see the heartbreak in this 13 year olds eyes (I asked him his age later- and his shoe size. He wears a size 12) every time he had to answer that question--it was too much. And even though I swore I'd never be that adult giving a child I didn't know a "lesson," I was on Sunday.
I asked the boy his name- and he told me Jacob. I said, Jacob. Do you know what Autism is? He shook his head up and down and said, Yes. I must have looked surprised because he said, I really do. And I said, This is my son and he has Autism. Things that are easy for us are really really hard for him...like asking me for a cup of ice or putting on his own shirt...but he tries so fricking (sorry- I had to use it to up my street cred) hard- every single day...and oftentimes days go by and he can't figure something out...and some people call that loosing...but I don't- because he works so hard, and he doesn't give up...I call it winning... Did you play hard today? Are you proud of the way you played? Jacob said Yes. And I said, I call that winning too. And I'm sorry because I know I'm just some old person telling you how I feel- but I wanted you to know that. And 20 seconds later a little boy walked by and said, Jacob- Did you win? And I said, Hey- I know a better question for you to ask. Ask him, "How did you play?" Not did you win?"...and I can answer it for Jacob- He played AWESOME!!!
And finally...Greyson tells me he wants ice...and I ask him, White Cup or Blue cup? He tells me, Whyyyy-eeee puck...and happy for the words, I go to get his ice. And as I was getting the ice, I see Jacob come over... and crouch down low to be on Grey's level and he says. Hi Buddy. What's your name? I hand Greyson his ice and say- Greyson- say Grey- and he says Day and pops a piece of ice into his mouth. Jacob says, What are you eating? and I said- Greyson- say ice- and he says eyeeee-ssss. Then Jacob says, Is it good? And then Jacob says, Greyson- say yes...And Greyson said Yes.
And my cheeks actually hurt from smiling as I tell you that story now. How proud Jacob's Momma would be to see her son, not only embracing different- but helping too.
Thank you for helping us too. As I looked through old pictures tonight, I realize one year ago now...we started to realize something was different. We started speech therapy with Grey.... I look at pictures of him then and he looks so little...What a crazy, awesome scary adventure it has been. Thank you for reading.