I didn't need Life to be normal...I didn't need Life to appear normal to others...But my oh my, did I need it to feel normal in my soul....and I thought that casual and careless- walk in the door- sling your purse on the counter- today is just a random Tuesday- kind of normal, was no longer ever going to be part of my World.
It didn't take long...
I noticed it coming back in the smallest of windows at first. I would find myself laughing...and forgetting for just a moment... suddenly striking myself back into reality- not funny...whatever it is- it's not funny because Greyson has Autism... But then those moments of normal....connected themselves to other moments of normal I started to feel throughout the day....until one day - there was more normal moments than not...And One day I realized with a deep and honest relief....we survived it...
And although I hope not, you may have had moments in your life like that...Where you don't know how you are supposed to go on...you may know that feeling of- Can I do justice to this life I'm supposed to be living? Am I living it right? Can I {get over this, go back to work, have a baby, get a divorce, build a house, move past this miscarriage, heal from this} and so on...
Authentic living....
I used to think it was everyone's Holy Grail. Authenticity...I want to live the most Authentic life I am capable of. Through all walks of life...I see people fighting their Authentic self like mad and it makes me feel sad.
I've seen some Mother's who really don't seem to love the day to day aspects of Mom'ing... I have absolutely no problem with that. It's not for everyone...but they feel like they are supposed to...
It's OK to miss alone time in the bathroom...Yes, I really did put this picture in here.
I love my Aunt for the fact that she was always honest and said- I could never be a stay at home Mom- it would drive me crazy! Because that was her truth...that didn't make her any less of a Mom for saying that. It made her a better one. She worked and she Mom'ed and that was the best blend for her.
And sometimes Moms think they should be staying at home -so they do- and then they hate it...but don't want to go back to work because they hated that too...because there is usually a pattern when it comes to inauthentic living...
And they think that everyone is supposed to fit into the mold of I am a stay at home Mom and I live for poopy diapers role...and so when you talk to them-it's so obvious how much they hate it...it sounds like- I can't wait til the { up at night, eating every 3 hours, teething, walking, tantrums, talking back, attitude, learning to drive} stage is over..not just on a rough day-Because I believe in the power of venting...but every day...
Guess what? THERE'S ALWAYS A STAGE. Children are absolutely, positively constantly- ALWAYS IN A STAGE....{So are most adults...I'm in the Always tired and drink too much caffeine and sometimes forget to brush my teeth at night Stage of my life}...And it's clear that they are just miserable...and so when you see their Facebook posts and Christmas card letters about how much they adore every single sunshiney day with their perfect and amazing kids and are so happy and blessed and everything is so great and perfect and fine... I think- wait--are we talking about the same family here? What are you trying to prove and to whom?
Authentic living...finding meaning and fulfillment in your life..not just making money...not just making it through the day...But living with value placed on words like Passion...Perspective and my absolute favorite...Possible.....it means what you say and what you do and what feel- line up...
Tonight's dinner was one of those, Laaawwwwd help me now evenings. Toddlers are picky eaters...and Spectrum Kids are reaaaaallllly picky eaters... and I'm not the finish all your vegetables or you can't get up from the table- kind of Mom...but sometimes Grey takes it to the extreme...and won't eat anything that's not a hot dog... and sometimes won't eat normal stuff like corn or chicken...forget about vegetables...
And tonight he brought his stubborn A-game to the table-- but so did I.... (until Michael told me to take a time out because I got frustrated and started yelling, OPEN MOUTH!!!! PUT IN CHICKEN!!! a little too enthusiastically.) Finally Michael got Greyson to eat 2 pieces of chicken in exchange for a cookie. Well done Dad. Well done Greyson- I'd say that's a nice exchange.
Today we went on an adventure to an underground maze called the Forestiere Underground Gardens.
From the outside- it looks like nothing... But inside is another story...
It's an amazing story of determination- For 40 years, one man, Baldassare Forestiere- built an underground resort by himself - room by room- passageway by passageway...with no plans...and only picks and shovels and wheelbarrows... on 4 acres of land filled with fruiting trees and vines... And he did this at the end of his work day....He dug himself a ballroom, a chapel a kitchen and even a bedroom and he lived there...Talk about an Authentic living...
Greyson loved waiting out front of the entrance almost as much as the tour.
The front entrance area was surrounded by trees bursting with ripe fruit and covered by a canopy of lush green...bright beams of sunlight streamed in from all over the World... And every time Grey would jump and hit ground -it looked like smoke was rising from the dirt that danced in the incoming beams of sun...and he found it to be incredible...
Baldassare even planted trees underground...and dug out skylights to let in the sun in...Greyson was in Heaven...running in and out of passageways...
Underground the air was cool and the light was dim. It was beautiful and old-fashioned and magical...and it made me yearn for a simple time when lights out meant the sun had set...
Looking over pictures- it's hard for me to believe we were actually deep under the ground here...because of the sun light all over...
I think it's important...wherever you live...to make it feel like your home....
And afterwards we cooled off with more slightly less old-fashioned feeling goodness.
His...
And Hers....
And I'm pretty sure Greyson had the best time ever...
I know I did.
Next week our adventure will include a ride on an Amtrak train... If you live in Fresno and know of any adventures we should go on- shoot me an email (kellyc43@gmail.com) or leave me a comment here.
Hope your Monday is filled with random spots of Magic...
Chrissy
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