Count Your Blessings...

Now that Greyson can count-ish... He sometimes walks around randomly calling out numbers...

Wuh...

Two...

Tee...

Pour...

Pieee...

Sih...

Suh suh...

Eat...

Nih...

Teh...

He usually skips a number or two... and it makes me smile because I will hear him- alone upstairs in our playroom...counting...and I listen intently- and shush anyone that makes a noise...Fascinated by his method...wondering what --if anything- he is counting...and who- if anyone- he is talking to...




Greyson's First day of school was today...


{sigh}


Today the house wasn't filled with his chatter...


All I heard today was the hum of the dishwasher...the faint sound of dogs barking and a lawn mower...somewhere far away...

And lots of quiet...


Doodle was with me though- thank goodness..so it really wasn't that quiet...

And there was a part of me today that thought I should have at least 6 more kids so my house is never empty...but then I thought- that's a terrible idea because each child we have- gives us more possibility to hurt by loving something so much... But I guess that's the brilliant part of it all...We accept the potential to hurt --to get to experience something so chock full of amazing and awesome... {so maybe just 2 more kids, Michael. We can talk about it}.

But luckily today I wasn't home too much... I'm pretty sure that on Trash Truck Wednesday... I will go somewhere far away...I can't bear to hear the trash truck drive by...because intuitively I will hold my breath...waiting to see if Greyson tells me I want truck... So we can run outside...

Today went well... But my heart is tired...and I can't believe I have to do it all again tomorrow...


He did so good today, friend...And he continues to make me so proud.


No tears (from him)...he just walked right in the classroom and immediately sat down for circle time...

And at the end of the day he walked out and greeted us like it was no big thing that we had left him earlier...and he gave me a look like- Oh- have you been here the whole time?



And it was tough...But I guess that's life... and even tough things are easier...the second time around...and even easier on time number tee and time number pour...

And all we have to do is try...and if there's opportunity- get a little better each time.

The good thing about time going by fast...is the sad times, the hard times- the in between and confusing times--they go by fast too. It didn't feel like that today...but it did.

It's tough for me...letting go of Grey...



He's my little buddy... and he's needed me as much as I've needed him... And there is a horrible fear I feel in leaving him...because he can't tell me anything...and I've had to protect him and fight for him in so many ways already...He's not your Typical kid...going to your Typical preschool...

And I'm trying to adjust to the differences too. I'm not supposed to go in the classroom when I drop him off or pick him up- in order to keep the room free of distractions for the easily distracted kiddos...and I can't even be in the classroom while school is in session- because each student has an IEP and it has to be kept private... and all this hands-offness...makes me sad.

But there's so much purpose in everything we do...and sometimes I need a big fat reminder to keep my eyes on the prize.






And times I start to feel that heart pounding fear...I remind myself...just because he can't talk- doesn't mean he can't communicate with me. And although I'd love to say- Today was awesome- we are totally rocking this... I can't yet...but I know in time... that will certainly be the case. Nothing really really good- ever comes easy...

Thank you for all your notes and messages...

It means so much.

Love,
Chrissy