Thursday, October 18, 2012


For some reason today I'm opening my arms to my imperfections. I'm welcoming my short-comings. I'm flawed. I'm emotional. I'm a culinary wreck. I worry too much. I take medicine for anxiety- but still feel it over-flowing onto the pillow when I try to fall asleep at night.  I'm impatient. I risk too much or not at all. I often think in black and white. I obsess over ridiculous things. I know nothing about politics. I like reality TV more than I should. I forget to eat 2-3 pieces of fruit a day. Although I so desperately wish I was- I am not laid back. I will never be laid back. Man- I so wish I was a cool laid back chick. {Chrissy- give up trying to be laid back- it's not happening}. There-  I said it...and the truth shall set me free. I am flawed...

Who cares?

Today I don't care to work on my flaws in a super duper self-improving kind of way. Today I give myself the love and understanding I try to give to those dear to me.  Some days I am my own opposite. I am ecstatic- I am crying. I am an introvert. I am an extrovert. Sometimes in the very same day... Sometimes I want to kiss babies and shake hands and invite the whole town to Happy Hour, and some days I run ever so quickly to close my garage because I don't feel like I can muster up a hello to say to a neighbor. 

Am I the only one who is her own opposite? 

In my friendships I like certain opposites because it enlightens me. But I also like the same... 90% of people tell you what they think you want to hear. People pleasers.  7% tells it like they see it- regardless of tact... And 3% of the World talks to you with real yet kind honesty.

No, your butt doesn't look like a ginormous whale in those pants, but I think your dark blue Hudson jeans are more flattering. 

I like that last 3% most. I search for that 3%. I am that friend because I am just that girl, and because I want that friend in return... Although there are wrong ways, there is no absolute one right way to friend...

Relationships aren't always easy to understand. You hear- marriage is hard. Marriage takes work. Before I was married I would have said- if it takes you work then something is wrong with your marriage... 

But now I laugh as I realize that life is never that black and white. I wouldn't blanket my relationship with Michael by saying, marriage takes work... Because some days it does-- and some days it doesn't. Sometimes it takes days of work in a row -and then there are weeks of not work in a row too. We are the tide. We ebb and flow. And to be honest- I don't find that any different than anything else good in Life. It's easy...and hard...and takes effort...and is effortless. 


From our engagement pictures...somehow we ended up in the Pacific Ocean in our clothes that shoot. It was a preview of marriage. Invigorating. Painful. Scary. Fun.

Michael and I are very different but also the same. Our first year of marriage was an absolute struggle. It was so hard. I didn't feel like a joyous newlywed- and I never heard other people talk about their first year with anything but bliss. 

We made it past that year and we learned how to communicate better. And sometimes we have to re-learn because we forget. We got into a huge fight the other day because Michael left a bunch of dishes in the sink... I rolled my eyes- annoyed because I had just cleaned the kitchen.  He takes it as dirty dishes in the sink - and I take it as disrespect--And he got mad at me for talking under my breath and rolling my eyes...And then we started to argue about who was MORE organized and more neat...we were yelling out hilarious insults-- not at all hilarious at the time... 

The garage is a train wreck- what kind of man lets his garage look like that?!!! 

Look who's talking--you don't make the bed when I'm out of town!!! And you leave clothes on the closet floor.

An unmade bed is NOTHING like an entire garage! I left clothes on the floor like TWICE --is that ALL you have to bring up!? YES!!! Because I am the neatest one!!! 

While do I tell you this? Because we are real. Sometimes when you see only pictures- it gives an idea of perfection. Other people's lives often look perfect in pictures, and when we compare it to our messy imperfect real Life- we think we fall short. You don't fall short friend. Michael and I are real and imperfect. We argue, we bicker, we fail to see eye to eye at times. We usually want the same things but our we often take opposite approaches. It's a dance and sometimes we step on each others toes. 

But I love him- he makes me laugh...we line up on parenting which is huge...he helps with the kids a ton...and he brings me caffeine... Love you. 

On our anniversary I'm not gonna write- 

{blank} years ago today I married my best friend and soul mate...blah blah blah  

Because it's just such a fraction of a truth...And our life is so far from a Halmark card. And to tell the whole truth I'd probably have to write:

{blank} years ago today I married the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met in my life. He teaches me how to compromise. He teaches me that I can't always get my way. He makes me feel like I have to be right because he thinks he knows everything. He leaves the dishes in the sink. And when he is alone with the kids he leaves a trail in every single room he was in....but he's got a great heart..and he is honestly the smartest guy I know...and he always means well... and he loves our boys as much as me and I can't even believe that is humanly possible...and he still says I'm pretty and that I have a cute butt...even when I look like crap in the morning... 

You know... or something to that effect...



Here we are after we first got wasn't all terrible. I asked Michael to pick out a few old pictures of us and this is what he picked. We make each other laugh...I don't even remember what we were doing here but I do know we were out to dinner in public...and my forehead was botox'ed. 

We are not perfect, and maybe my shining a light on that truth will give you permission to do the same in your life. No matter what the topic is.

I love hearing from you- send me an email or find me on Facebook.....

1 comment:

  1. OMG! Laughing and crying outload all at the same time. So love your "whole" truth. Did you take that from my brain? How does one love someone so much that we can call them an ass too? This IS what marriage is about. And now I am going to share this with all my friends because all of us are flawed and that's what makes us perfect. Thank you!