Monday, April 22, 2013

for the love

As I begin this post Greyson is by my side. He fell asleep an instant ago...and as he was drifting away-- eyes half closed I talked to him... I always do. Sometimes I feel --or maybe I just hope that he can understand me completely in that moment...

Good Night Grey... I'm crazy about you. I had such a fun day with you. I'm so glad you are here on Earth. I love you.

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And here is Doodle --soaking up the last of the daylight right before his bedtime...

I'm hoping I will be headed to dreamland soon too... We had a relaxing weekend of relaxing- which can be pretty exhausting if you ask me.

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We played with the water table and layed by the pool and sunned our as I type I am a little itchy and warm and happy... I love you Summer.

Today was not a day full of adventure...Today was a day of practicality. Today I woke up and knew it was inevitable... I needed to clean... so after we all went on a run (Yes- even Michael who will be cursing me tomorrow) I started to clean. I started with the toilets because because they are my favorite place to huff and puff... I went to college for this? I am cleaning the fricking toilets... I wish I had a cleaning lady...this is so gross... But recently I met some Friends who have less than me...a lot less...and it reminded me just how lucky I am to have toilets to clean in the first place...

So I practiced something instead of anger- which I am already great at and don't need to practice... I practiced gratitude...even while I was cleaning the toilet... I was extra thorough with the downstairs bathroom because we are getting Greyson used to the idea of using the toilet and there are ABA tutors in and out of that bathroom all day long.... So, deep breath...

Why am I cleaning this toilet? I ask me... 
So the tutors don't think we are gross? I answer...
Wrong answer- do it because you love Greyson...because you want his heiny to be on a clean toilet...Do it because the very act of cleaning this toilet is loving Greyson... 

And so I loved Greyson until that toilet was clean... And then I loved Michael by dusting his nightstand...and then I loved me by dusting mine...and our bathroom...and I really really really loved Parker and Greyson as I rearranged and cleaned and organized the playroom- the place where they do therapy...and then I turned on music and sang and felt and cleaned and loved...

That's how strong my Love is- by Otis Redding came on...And he was singing that song just for me and for my love cleaning...

If I was the sun way up there
I'd go with love most everywhere
I'll be the moon when the sun goes down
Just to let you know that I'm still around

That's how strong my love is, oh 
That's how strong my love is, 
That's how strong my love is, baby, baby, 
That's how strong my love is. 

I'll be the weeping willow drowning in my tears 
You can go swimming when you're here 
And I'll be the rainbow after the tears are gone 
Wrap you in my colors and keep you warm

Next time you have to clean- buy that song on itunes- crank it up and clean away...

And now we are ready for the learning that will take place tomorrow...

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The bins contain learning activities and age appropriate toys for each boy during therapy.

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It took elbow grease and Love to make that schedule I hung up on the wall tonight... It's called a weekly Visual Schedule. It's believed that children on the Spectrum think in pictures- whereas we think in words...

People with Autism may feel anxious if daily activities are not known, or if the sequence of events is not understood. Greyson followed a schedule when he went to school- but he didn't have one here...and now we are all over the board so that causes stress for Grey...We go to Speech one day- typical preschool another day- the ABA place another and therapists are in and out of the home continuously... So to reduce his anxiety I created this bad boy... My beautiful camera was used to help my boy feel more happy and secure... The schedule has a picture of our car if we are going somewhere that of the ABA tutor coming that shift- it shows when he goes to speech- and when we get to relax at the pool in between sessions...

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This is called a token board...Reward systems like this are used frequently in ABA. I velcro'ed coins instead of tokens because one day he will need to learn money anyway. This board has room for up to 10 tokens- but Greyson usually has to complete 3 successful attempts at something in order to get what he chose to work for...Sometimes he works for marshmallows- sometimes skittles- sometimes a favorite toy he is only allowed to play with during ABA.

Today- I worked for Love... And I swear it was 100 times easier...

Why do you work? Get in touch with that...dig through jaded feelings, stereotypes and self limitations... For today- work for that...

Greyson follows another kind of schedule during each 3 hour ABA session...

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The Yo Gabba Gabba icons represent an activity he has to complete.

A very special thank you to my Designer friend, Jen. She helped us create the at home school experience we are creating for Greyson...She cut and laminated a million pictures for us, made some signs and created some daily schedules too... I think we all have that friend that means well but doesn't do much?... Well- Jen is the type of Friend that means well and DOES well...Thank you for your help and LOVE Jen!!!

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I was on a Love roll... I started cutting and velcro'ing some matching activities for Greyson...

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And while I was cleaning and organizing I was practicing gratitude that we have a special room for ABA...gratitude that we have all these toys and resources for therapy.

I want to share with you some Wow words I read on the Momastery Facebook page.  Glennon Melton- the founder of the place called Momastery is real and flawed and writes from her spinning soul. She is a self-proclaimed Truth Teller + a Hope Spreader. Sounds like a perfect plan to me...

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In a mother's womb were two babies. One asked the other: Do you believe in life after delivery? The other replies, Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.

Nonsense, says the other.  There is no life after delivery. What would that life be?

I don't know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths.

The other says  This is absurd! Walking is impossible. And eat with our mouths? Ridiculous. The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after delivery is to be excluded. The umbilical cord is too short.

 I think there is something and maybe it's different than it is here-

...the other replies,  No one has ever come back from there. Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere. 

Well, I don't know, says the other,  but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us.

Mother?? You believe in mother? Where is she now?

She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world.

I don't see her, so it's only logical that she doesn't exist. 

To which the other replied,  sometimes when you're in silence you can hear her, you can perceive her. I believe there is a reality after delivery and we are here to prepare ourselves for that reality.

Whatever it is you do today- Do it with lots of Love...

Love... Love, Love,



  1. I talk to my little guy while he is falling asleep or while he is asleep too... "I love you Landon, you're the best boy in the world, I'm so proud of you." Things that I know I tell him during the day, but don't know if he understands. In the last minutes of the day, I wonder if I said them enough, if I said them as often as I said "come here" "listen to mommy" "sit on your bottom," etc. So I desperately whisper them in the dark and I really do think he knows.

  2. That ending story: wow. The whole meaning of this post is so sweet and lovely. Thank you for sharing these pieces of your life.

  3. I love this post and all of your post. I have to tell you I have been reading your blog for the last few weeks and have drawn so much strength from you. My son was just recently diagnosed with Autism. My emotions are just too raw to write down. I just keep going..

    Right now my son gets 20 hrs of therapy per wk (including 16 hrs. of home ABA, speech, OT and little gym/music.) Please share what other things you are including in your homeschool experience for your sons. I noticed you have color matching, shapes and numbers. Anything else? Thanks so very much!