Tuesday, April 16, 2013

the in between

Welcome to the in between.

I've got good news and bad. Our entire life is in between. 

The time to be happy is now.  Not when...

Not when you lose 40 lbs, or buy a new house, or pay off your credit card or get a new job or if Parker just didn't have Super Powers or when Greyson starts really talking.

Happy is right now. Happy is today.

And it's OK- happy is not a constant state of being for anyone.  Happy is everything that happens in that dash between the year you were born and the year you die. Happy can't be every moment...but when it's right there next to you... You have to be able to recognize it. Embrace it. Admire it. Savor it. And know it always comes back around again after it leaves. 

Happy can be little. Subtle. Not what we expected. Scary... 

On April 13th, 2011 I woke up, unable to sleep... By 1 am I knew I was in labor. My contractions were 5 minutes apart and I knew it would be time to go to the hospital very soon. I didn't want to wake Greyson up in the middle of the night... So I waited... Finally at 7 am I couldn't bare it any longer. I woke Greyson and Michael up and they took me to the hospital. I was 3 cm dilated and contractions stayed at 5 minutes apart. The Dr. on call had me walk around the hospital for an hour... I went back for them to check my progress and it my contractions had slowed down, so I was sent home.

And I was glad because I just knew Parker's birthday wasn't supposed to be April 13th, and to be honest- I wasn't ready to have 2 children yet...The thought scared the junk out of me.

And for the next two days I was in pain... Contracting frequently yet irregularly.... The only moments that were bearable were in the bath or out walking- so I did both non-stop.

And finally at 7 am on April 15th I couldn't bear it for one second longer. I was embarrassed to go in for another false alarm but decided to go anyway. They brought me to the OBGYN triage and checked my dilation. The nurse instantly calls out- We need an admit stat...
And they started urgently bustling around me... 

How many centimeters am I? I asked...to which the nurse replied- 6cm...

On April 15th Parker Douglas shot into the world like a firework... And today we celebrated his second year on earth.. And it was so sweet and bitter...and I must admit the bitter took me by surprise...and my frequent tears today also took me by surprise... Today was emotional. 

To love this much hurts sometimes, for reasons I can't explain... The ache and the bliss sometimes take my breath away in unexpected moments of time.

But it was sweet too. So sweet... And I had to tell myself to shake it off on more than one occasion.

Over the weekend we went to Hermosa Beach in Southern California. 

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Yes, we brought the dogs...they stayed at an amazing Doggy Daycare in the South Bay...don't ask. Dogs are people in Hermosa...

Whenever we go to a hotel the first thing Greyson does is pick up the phone and start babbling... It makes me so laugh...I think he was ordering room service...

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And I feel like we lived there a lifetime ago...certainly not just 3 little years. Being there was also bitter sweet. Did I know it was so amazing when I lived there? 

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Everyone there looked to be 23. I love it there but I am so happy we moved to Fresno. Fresno is where I want my boys to grow up and Hermosa is the place I want to visit and feel like home too.

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They are both beach boys in their soul...

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Greyson...what are you thinking?  photo _MG_7423_zps622f1a3b.jpg

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Each crash of the waves brought a jump higher than the previous...

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We only planned to stay for a day- but we actually stayed less than 24 hours because Parker was so sick from mistakenly eating some dairy... 

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My poor sweet baby...This picture breaks my heart...

Happily, by today his actual birthday- he was just fine...

 photo _MG_7632_zps0b2f62fb.jpg And he loved his birthday gift...a water/sand table... A little bit of the beach brought here....

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He is my happy...

Much Love,


Wish Parker a Happy Birthday on Facebook!


  1. Happy birthday to your sweet boy!! The pictures of the boys on the beach are some of the best I have seen!!

  2. It was my daughter's birthday yesterday too! She turned 9. That seems so old to me... Anyway, Happy Birthday to Parker! Loved the pictures, as usual. I know exactly how Greyson felt at the beach. Crashing waves always make me want to jump for joy too...

  3. Happy Birthday, Parker! I think the ocean heals everything!

  4. Happy Birthday, Parker! So sad that he got sick!