Thursday, April 11, 2013

change it up

I don't know what's going on... 2 good, hard easy days in a row...and then I wonder- Have they actually been easier or have I been better equipped? Then I think- You know this is temporary-right? I just don't want you to be crushed when a hard days pops up fact- it will probably be tomorrow and that's OK...just rejoice in the easy ones... and then I think I think way way much too much...

So I just stop thinking... And I take a deep breath...and I exhale all the bad thoughts...and just sit here and feel... And it feels pretty darn good.

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The boys leave the house for therapy once a week for a few hours in the morning on Thursdays... Even though they don't interact with each other- I'm so glad they have each other...We are lucky...

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The day I stopped fighting the hard...stopped judging and questioning and comparing the hard... Flowers bloomed everywhere. Accept the hard...Treat it as nothing more or nothing less than what it is...Accept that everyone has some. 

I am fascinated by Greyson... When I first started to see Autistic like behaviors in him I needed them to stop... ABA- Applied Behavior Analysis works to get rid of those behaviors so that the children can better express themselves in other more Typical ways... I didn't need them to stop so he would be happier though...I needed them to stop because they made me uncomfortable...they reminded me that he was Autistic...they made him look different from other kids...

But for the past year almost 2 years, I've been courting different... Falling in Love with it really... And not just in Greyson- but in myself....and in fruit, and in mean people, and in the way I view almost everything in the World...  Loving the different in you... and the same in you too... I love your stories and our connections. I love your love for us. I wish everyone going through something hard could feel this support. 

Greyson didn't flap his hands until he was about 2 1/2 years old... It started randomly and infrequently and then slowly started to increase and specifically happen when he was excited...I would see it and cringe...and while he was flapping, he would sometimes make noises... yelps and grunts and words that sound Viet Namese...My skin would crawl with uncomfortable...  

Greyson, HANDS DOWN!!!


In behavior therapy there is a method of behavior altering that involves stating what you want the child to do- NOT what you want them to stop doing. I needed to do this right and for this to work because I couldn't have him doing this in public...

Greyson, Hands Down! And if he didn't understand or comply- I would grab both hands and place them by his side and say- That's hands down... Good job... I learned all of this from modeling Grey's Therapists...

And finally after a couple of months... I stopped correcting him for flapping... I am already constantly correcting him- and I needed to choose what corrections meant the most to me and the most to his future... I decided things like making sure he doesn't run into traffic is higher up on my list of things that are important. 

Flapping with his hands is one of the few ways he can speak to me...He is telling me- 

That's Awesome...I like that... I am happy...

So now when he flaps- I just listen...

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I've been a stay at home mom for almost 3 years now. I'm still looking for my Mom sense of style. Tonight we went to the mall so I could grab a few things. It's time for me to change it up a bit... And although I don't love the ONLY mall in Fresno- I LOVE the water play out front because the boys love it so much...

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I'm most comfortable in a Gap tshirt, a pair of jeans and flip flops- but sometimes I try to branch out. I've already settling into my summer Mom uniform- White jeans and a navy shirt...I like the same and variations of the same...But a little change is good too.

When I wear jewelry I feel like I'm in a costume. The weight of a bracelet is unbearable. A necklace is just something for Parker to pull on and Greyson to grab and tell me - auuuu, which means off.. When he sees me in something he is not used to seeing- he hates it. 

When I wear no lipstick- I feel like a corpse... When I wear bright lipstick I feel like a clown prostitute. When I wear subtle lipstick I feel like a dead clown. Like I said- I'm still figuring it out.

In certain aspects of our Life, it is good and necessary to have routine. As far as Spectrum kids go, Greyson is pretty flexible. Every few weeks he picks up on some new quirk. Right shoe on first, must touch stair railing when going up and down the stairs, must turn left at the end of our street- and each wrong selection is met with instant screams.

We need to make sure we keep Greyson flexible... We keep doing whatever it is "wrong" until the screaming no longer happens... Tonight I put the movie Monsters in the car DVD instead of Cars 2... Cars 2 has been playing for awhile and it was time to change it up... He thinks the first part of Monsters is scary- and we haven't watched it for awhile. He started to yell, Auuuuuu! Auuuuuuu! (off off)... Michael said- We can't make him watch this. He looks like he is in pain.

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Which he did, but I said to Michael- We have to give it at least 5 minutes. He needs to make it over the hump...and he did because he is Greyson and because he is awesome.

Another technique in Behavior Therapy is to completely ignore an unwanted behavior....this is one that usually takes a little while but works on Grey... He has to learn that screaming is not communicating- and the only way to teach him that is to completely ignore the behavior. Even giving him negative attention is giving him attention- so we ignore.

He's in the middle of a new one...He will scream 2 or 3 times in a row...Really loudly...and he loves that it sometimes makes Parker cry it is so fricking loud...and I just turn my head, avoid eye contact and clench my was Day 3- and it is finally almost totally gone... 

Yesterday I couldn't take it. We were headed out the door for speech and he started...

My words spilled over.... I did everything I'm not supposed to do....  STOP IT!!!!! Stop screaming. NO MORE SCREAMING!!!!!! NO!!!!!  No more- And then I screamed like he does over and over...  And man did it feel good to do... Sometimes it's nice to change it up...

Have a great weekend...Welcome some Change in your Life too...




  1. Wow you really inspire me. Everyone has an important story or what I call journey that may at times come with anger and sadness. When you say you wish everyone could feel this support in regards to hard times, is a great way of expressing the importance of connecting with people and reminds me that by sharing my journey as hard as it is sometimes, it opens up so many doors to connect with othets and to remember everyone has a story, although it maybe a different type of story the connection is still there. Thankyou for your blog.

  2. If it makes you feel better, Chrissy, I've screamed "STOP IT! Stop screaming!" at the top of my lungs too, not once but several times. It's called being a parent, my friend :)

  3. This totally made me tear up. I just stumbled into your blog a few minutes ago--this is the only post of yours I've read--but I already have so much respect for you. It is so brave to reveal through your words to the public what most people would feel in this situation but wouldn't want to admit. Your sons are beautiful, and so are you.

  4. I'm feeling you, sister.. I'm feeling you. We seem to be leading duplicate lives but I also finally started buying clothes and redoing my wardrobe. This post really helped me: I actually bought all of her pieces and now have 40 outfits or whatever ridiculous amount is listed on there. She helped me find my style again and I'm loving getting dressed and feeling better about myself. Helps me handle my kids better also. I hope you have a wonderful week, sweet lady!

  5. I have to say ive been reading ur blogs and there so amazing. .I feel like im reading the story of my life..I also have a 3year old boy with autism well he just turned 4 and a 22 month old lil boy..I think its fantastic all that ur doing for ur child and god willing hell do great. To give you some hope I put my son in preschool at the agw of 3 and he still wasnt talking he started talking at 3 1/2 he is now 4 and hes talking so much within those few months it been a big diffenence..hes still behind but we can communicate with each other. Corina