Monday, May 13, 2013

fairy tales

God is so funny- the way he works...Pretty brilliant if you ask me. Confusing too sometimes.

It is no coincidence that I am relearning to run --and even relearning to walk right now.
My feet turn out- so I have to practice walking straight...

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To practice- I walk with the outside of my foot along a straight line to use as a guide. And I have worked at it every day for almost 2 weeks now...and it is so hard because I only know how to do it the wrong way now I have to concentrate really hard to relearn how to walk right. And I get mad at myself because walking should be the easiest thing in the world...Why can't I just do it right like everyone else?, I wonder.

And today I imagined how extra hard it would be if I had someone harshly critiquing me along the way. Come on, Chrissy! Get with the program. Just walk already. It's easy. Look how easy it is...

I take that knowledge and I put it in my pocket to remember the next time I am frustrated with Greyson for just not getting it already. That's because what he is doing is easy for me- and I think it should be easy for him too in the moment.

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Like potty training... He's working so hard at it...

Greyson and Parker...They came here to fix me I'm pretty darn sure of it. They make me want to be a better person.  I'm so proud of my boys---we have made our print debut.

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There's an article written about us in a local magazine- Central California's Family First (copies are available at Lassens and Barnes & Noble). Somehow they turned Super Powers into Special Powers but it's close enough.

Today I heard Parker in the pantry and found him holding this picture I took for Greyson to use to communicate...

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He must have grabbed it from the pile of pictures I'm organizing in the guest bedroom...
Parker was crying and he turned around and handed it to me...And you better believe this is what happened next...

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I couldn't just give him one- I mean there are two in the picture...

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For the past few weeks the outdoors have been alive with the smallest sweetest tiny baby squirrels...

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And there will be 3 or 4 of them chasing each other around...and I can't believe they are so tiny and all on their own... I feel like I do when I see a 16 year old driving or Parker doing ABA- Autism Therapy- Aren't they too little to do this?... I stare, mesmerized... I wonder about the Momma she like me? Is it hard for her to let them go practice being a regular big squirrel? I guess sometimes you just have to let them go learn and trust it will be alright.

I don't think a single one of us has a Life that looks like we may have pictured... And somewhere along the way- we started to live a Life we actually never would have imagined- and if we are really smart and really lucky- we decide to love it anyway...

Sometimes there are moments that we really don't know how we are going to move past... we think they are road blocks...but they are doors in disguise. I got up and opened my door and it changed my Life.

I don't think Life is easy for anyone. I don't think there is a hard scale. I would never say my Life is harder than yours simply because I have two beautiful boys with stupid ASD- Autism Spectrum Disorder. I think hard times are best conquered with authenticity, genuine mourning, a positive and humble attitude and a perspective that turns water into wine.

I believe happily ever after is possible. I believe I am living it. It's also too much and as hard as Hell and makes me scared and cry sometimes- this here place called happily ever after. I believe that everything makes sense in time. I wish I could tell you exactly how much time it takes but I have absolutely no idea. I'm still waiting for some of my things to make sense.

And now as I type my heart feels like spearmint and summer and Christmas. Greyson brought me a box of his special cookies. With earnest eyes he looked straight into my soul and said with the sweetest little robot voice- Ooooo-piiiin  tooh-tee...  It's crazy how two little words can rock my soul and make me hand out cookies by the handful.

And one day when I get to Heaven- I hope I can say Yes, absolutely- when God asks me if I enjoyed my crazy and precious Life that he gave me.. My hope for you --is that you can too.

Big Fat Hugs,



  1. Beautiful! I haven't had much time for blogging lately, but you're still my fave!

  2. This one. Yep. Couldn't agree more. I love this life that I never dreamed I would be living. It certainly wasn't MY plan to start a family at 38. I was set to travel the world & live recklessly. Now, I look at my SUV & fuel-efficient compact cars parked in the drive of my 3 bedroom home across from the firestation and elementary school & think - Huh, didn't see this coming, but, way to go God - you really knocked this one out of the park. Don't get me wrong - it's way harder than I ever imagined, too. But good grief, how lucky can one girl get. I even married my Miracle ;)
    Love & happiness to you, sweet mama! Jennifer
    PS - thanks for sharing those pictures. Hang in there with the potty training. I promise, he will get there <3