God gives us gifts in His perfect way. I realize that there is conflict in our intrepretation of perfect versus God's definition of perfect. I think perfect got lost in translation. I think all perfect has an implied (for you) immediately afterwards. Perfect is beyond what imperfect people like us could ever imagine here on Earth.
Imagine looking around now and realizing that everything was perfect. Not clean or put away perfect. A deeper, bigger, broader, truer perfect. How would that feel? Take a breath, close your eyes and really picture it. It's a relief isn't it? Why can't that be real? At this moment for me, it is real. I need to find a way to hold onto it.
Today I contemplated writing a different book because I came to the realization that I am a WORLD EXPERT on a topic. It's called, How to Sweat the Small Things, Which really makes me mad that I'm so good at it-- because I don't believe in it in the first place!
And like anything else, the more I sweated, the more I found things to make me sweat --to prove I was right. Negative me is ALWAYS right. DON'T MESS WITH NEGATIVE ME. It started with a Summer schedule mix-up. Grey's summer program preschool started today, and he needed to be picked up at the same time Parker was doing at home therapy. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!!! I wondered. It was like you had just told me I was losing a leg. Luckily the husband jumped in and saved the day, but after that it was like I was hard wired to jump at every little friction. Tightly wound. I had to remind myself to just breath. He brought Grey to school and I brought Doodle to speech.
Parker goes to Speech Therapy one hour, two times a week. We would go every day if we could.
Parker was finally able to point at home tonight for the first time. It's a slow moving process. Often times when a Spectrum kid learns something in a classroom environment, it doesn't initially translate into real world settings. That's called generalization. It's something we work on daily.
I love how he opens his mouth any time he feeds me or a toy.
I tried to keep Parker up long enough this afternoon to experience Trash Truck Wednesday, but he wasn't having it. Everything was coming down to the wire. I was packing a little goodie bad for Frankie our driver Friend while Greyson was in front of me in the pool.
Grey slyly takes off his trunks and proceeds to poop the pool. I am at a loss as to what to do... I haven't dealt with anything like this before in my entire Life. I did NOT learn how to deal with this while attending approximately 5 years of college. That must be a topic covered in the 6th year.
Oh I know, Brilliant. I'll look in my Parenting Handbook. Certainly that will let me know the appropriate way to fish poo out of the pool. People are always talking about how they didn't receive a guidebook or manual on how to parent, but I did! You can totally borrow it. It's not very good though- they didn't even mention poo even one single time in the entire book. If you are a parent of a fur or human baby, you know that poo is a BIG part of it.
I jump in the pool attempting to fish out the poo without stirring up the water too much. It was all over, deep end, shallow end. Since I wasn't in the mood for pink eye today, I wasn't about to go under water with my eyes open to fish it out. So I try to gently grab dissolving poo with my feet under the water and fish it to the surface.
At the time I was HORRIFIED and ANGRY and now it is HILARIOUS. Funny how time makes that happen. Next time I'm going to just try and avoid the horrified and go right for the hilarious. It's not always easy to do in the moment.
It all worked out, Friend. It always does.
And look at the awesome shirt we got from Aunt Lisa today! Thank you Sister.
Frank has become a favorite part of our week, as well as a friend in my heart. We exchange emails and he makes me laugh and cry. The world teaches me, and I am so grateful when I'm able to generalize those messages into my heart and into my mind. Once upon a time I may have said I was better than a "Trash Man". I would have said I was LESS THAN someone with a better house or more money. I was LESS THAN someone who was skinnier or prettier than me.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
I am not BETTER than anyone who is kind... which also means that no one is better than me for the things I mentioned above either...which is so freeing to feel.
I am perfect (for me) just the way I am.
Love Your Friend,
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