And the answer to that is absolutely. All the time. What do I do? I just pick up my computer and start typing. It's like warming my muscles up for exercise. Sometimes, the words start to flow. Sometimes they still feel stuck, but at least I tried. That's all I ask of my children- at least give it a shot. If you try it and suck, at least you tried.
Just get out your colors and paint. See what you come up with.
And painting was a great opportunity to work on, I want and colors. Which color should I open next, Grey?
I want deeeean. He often points to his eye when he says I. He thinks that's what I'm looking for him to do. He has yet to have an a-ha moment with language. He repeats what he needs to repeat to get what he wants.
Painting was an activity that Doodle was happy to join in on.
Today I started hard core physical therapy, no restrictions. I had a brand new chart. I love fresh new beginnings.
Here are some before and afters. Don't I have the prettiest inside shoulder?
I did all my exercises. My amazing therapist, Paul, was working the crap out of my shoulder. Stretching and awakening muscles and joints and spaces that are angry and frightened and trying to hide. At times I saw stars.
How many weeks ago did you have this done again? He asked.
11 days, I told him.
Man, you are amazing. I can't believe you can handle this. Are you sure this is okay? Tell me if this is too much. I've honestly never met anyone like you. You are crazy!
The past year has been beautiful yet excruciating. It taught me that I can handle any amount of physical pain that Life brings me. I can do whatever it takes to get the job done. If I'm supposed to heal- then I'm gonna be the best damn healer you've ever met. There's nothing that compares to the pain and ache that my heart has felt from emotional pain though. That kind of pain is unbearable. That kind of pain is a whole 'nother story. Sometimes you can't fix that kind of pain. You just learn how to live with it and you move forward. It always hurts, you just find a place to keep that hurt.
And new beginnings when anything is possible are exciting. Endings- when everything has been accomplished is my favorite. But there are a million, trillion middles for every one beginning and every one end. It's the in between that often gets to me. That pesky middle. The boring, seemingly unglamourous in between. We learn the most during that in between though. That's when the hard work happens- smack dab in the middle. That's when we grow and change and bloom and get to use all of our brilliant colors. That's where most of us lie most of the time. In the middle. So we better make it good...So I try to get used to it.
Glad you're in the middle with me. Time to go ice. My shoulder has a headache from getting its butt kicked today.
Last thing. Somehow today I stumbled upon the most amazing blog. The Mom has her own organic farm. And she cooks. A ton. And bakes. And cans things- like VEGETABLES, not Pringles. And PS- Her kids EAT those vegetables. And she is CRAFTASTIC with her perfect children. And she can PAINT. More than squiggles. And she takes amazing pictures. And she COOKS. I know I already mentioned that part- but it's worth mentioning twice. And at first I was all dreamy and happy looking at her pictures, imagining myself all Little House on the Prairie and doing that stuff too- and then I started to feel amazingly inadequate. Because I do mostly none of that stuff. And I had JUST been feeling so proud of myself for cooking two nights in a row until I saw this damn blog. And then I started to get mad at this lady I don't even know. So I want to remind you, I am doing YOU, yes YOU a HUGE favor. I am just being the fabulous, confused, kind but sometimes jealous, non-cooking, in the middle mediocre ME. Nothing intimidating about that! You never have to come here to feel bad about yourself. Isn't that an amazing service completely free of charge to you- my wonderful Friend?!
You are welcome!!!
Love,
Chrissy
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Thanks so much for always sharing. My kiddo struggles with the ah-ha moment of language too. I love the painting idea. I try so hard to fine "real world" uses of the great stuff we learn in therapy to get us a little closer to an understanding of the words not just repeating what is needed to get what you want. I am super impressed you pull all of this off so quickly after surgery. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteHappy to be stuck in the middle with you, Friend. Thanks for rocking mediocre.
ReplyDeleteHappy Grandma watching Frank day. Love & happiness to you sweet Momma. xoxo Jen
"There's nothing that compares to the pain and ache that my heart has felt from emotional pain though. That kind of pain is unbearable. That kind of pain is a whole 'nother story. Sometimes you can't fix that kind of pain. You just learn how to live with it and you move forward. It always hurts, you just find a place to keep that hurt."
ReplyDeleteThis. Exactly. That's how I would explain the pain from losing my dad to cancer 2 1/2 years ago. It always hurts - I've just learned to live with it. Thanks for sharing. And thanks for mostly not doing all those things on that other blog. I'm pumped when I cook two days in a row too. You keep at it and I will too.
Hugs.
Thank you for being real and not afraid to seem imperfect. I used to read a blog like that once, with the perfect mother whose kids were always happy, who cooked and canned and gardened and crafted, and enjoyed her children and life, because everything was great and nothing ever went wrong. It made me feel like crap. In my house, opening a can of ravioli for my kids' supper a cooking success, I can't sew, I kill plants, and I hate to clean with such a passion that I don't do it nearly enough. Thanks for having a blog that makes me feel inspired and touches my heart, rather than one that makes me feel like crap.
ReplyDeleteI love an honest blog. It makes me feel completely sane. What is the awesome blog that you found. I want to read it. Sounds wonderfully soothing like a Little House in the Prarie movie.
ReplyDeleteTRUE: "But there are a million, trillion middles for every one beginning and every one end. It's the in between that often gets to me. That pesky middle. The boring, seemingly unglamourous in between. We learn the most during that in between though. That's when the hard work happens- smack dab in the middle. That's when we grow and change and bloom and get to use all of our brilliant colors. That's where most of us lie most of the time. In the middle. So we better make it good...So I try to get used to it."
ReplyDeleteI do not cook. I don't enjoy it, and am not good at it, and my kids are picky eaters who won't eat anything I make anyway, so I don't even try. I've had some guilt about it lately and I am just trying to get over it. Because the only alternative is to start cooking. And that just isn't going to happen!
Thank yoy for this beautifully written, sincere and heartfelt piece. You have found so much wisdom and beauty in your experiences. I am sorry that you've had to endure this emotional pain, but am so grateful that you help others understand it. Your insights are so helpful to me as someone who also experienced a lot of pain this year. Thanks again for your courage and motivation to share your vulnerability.
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