Tuesday, March 4, 2014

good with the bad

We live smack dab in the middle of the beautiful state of California. There are a million things I love about living in Central California, one being that we are nestled in between Los Angeles and San Francisco. Adventure is only a road trip away.

Traveling with children is no joke- whether it's 3 hours away or 20. Parker is FINALLY at a place where car trips longer than 20 minutes are bearable. I'm still stuck inside old habits and rigid control. The dictator me always finds numerous reasons to stay in place. It's too far, difficult, expensive, inconvenient. Parker gets restless in the car seat. He doesn't sleep anywhere except his bed. We have to pack special food for them. What will we do once we get there? I could go on for days. Laid back, fun me loves adventure- seizing the day. Sucking the marrow. Dictator me and Fun Me frequently have lengthy heated conversations in my head. 

Over the weekend Fun Me won out, and on a last minute whim we trekked to San Francisco. I was dreading the drive, so instead focused completely on the destination.

The view was amazing along the way, and looked like something straight out of a PIXAR movie.

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Parker caught up on US Weekly. Seriously. Doodle constantly babbles- it sounds like a foreign language and it always makes me smile. He had a ton to say about this magazine.

We stopped at a real live truck stop. Little boy heaven.

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And it was here that I realized how easy - and even how important it was to enjoy the journey part too. It reminded me that almost everything in life that's bad- has good parts too. Like traveling with the kids, or even fricking autism. And everything good- has some bad parts as well. Money is taxed, wine gives you a headache. And sometimes love just hurts. You just gotta be willing to look at it from the opposite perspective. Few things are inherently just one or the other. It's all a matter of being open to the recognition of possibility.
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It's no surprise to me that San Francisco is the second-most densely populated major city in the United States after New York City because it just has that intoxicating and energizing city buzz in the air. 

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We explored Fisherman's Wharf and took it all in.

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We met up with our wonderful friend Liv who goes to college in this divine city of details.

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And directly in the heart of it all, we discovered whimsical little park buzzing with little people.

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We played there forever. The joy was literally leaping off them and contagious. I had to laugh that we drove over three hours- to go to a playground. But it was a new and exciting playground, and different because it was bordered by tall as the sun buildings. Not to mention that it breaks my heart so good to see them this happy.

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And as the sun went down the city transformed into swirling lights. Greyson was in absolute awe simply watching the cars drive by.

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And there was a moment during dinner when Parker fell off the stool he was sitting on. He split his chin open and he was crying that horrible intense cry that hurts a parent to hear. He had that look in his eyes, a mixture of fear and pain and please take it away Momma and all I could do was comfort. I had a moment- This was a horrible idea, why didn't we leave to go home earlier? Why did I let him sit on a chair without a back? It started out so good- why did this have to happen and ruin it?!  UGHHHHH- WHY DID WE COME TO SAN FRANCISCO?!

We left and he calmed down....and then I did. We drove home and long after his chin stopped bleeding I had my epiphany about the fact that even things that are mostly all good- usually have a touch of bad...but I couldn't let that negate the good that was real and present all along too because it was real and I had seen it.

It's funny, Friend. This life thing? I am figuring it out along side with you. I see things clearer when I write, do not mistake it as I've got it all figured out. No one does. We all feel like we are the only ones totally screwed up inside. I'm just glad I get to be screwed up inside- on the outside with you.

Much Love,


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  1. All in all, sounds like a good trip. And I love the picture at night. It looks kinda magical. I'm sorry to hear that Parker got hurt. Hope you & he feel better soon & heal up quick. In a world where he finds daily challenges, there is probably not much more "normal" (whatever that means) than falling off a stool & splitting a lip or chin. It is just easier to communicate with many of them when it happens. It is good that love doesn't need language. :-)

    Here's to a better tomorrow!!

  2. Beautiful post! The fun me and the not-so-fun me war in my head, as well. Not-so-fun usually wins, but I am trying to change that! Love the photo of Grey under the "G"...perfection...

  3. I really know what you mean. I have the problem on focusing on the one very small bad thing that happened in the sea of good things. Hm, now to to invert that...

  4. When I think about your blog, I'm just realizing that I look forward to your photos almost as much as I do your words. Your words, I find myself often on the same page as you. But, the photos.... maybe it is because you seem to have one main focus. I don't know, they draw me in. You had one last week, I think, of the sunset. My mind completely cleared when I saw it; I felt such a peacefulness.