I was seriously shocked to look down at my phone and see the date, December 24, looking back at me. The thing is- it doesn't feel a thing like Christmas really. We move in less than two weeks and we are shoulder deep in sorting, purging, organizing and packing. Throw in some wrapping and my brain is so confused. It's not snowing because it doesn't snow here. And tomorrow we will not be surrounded by family and friends. Mostly just boxes.
It just didn't make sense to take out all of our Christmas fixings while simultaneously putting everything else in the world away. (Man do we have a ton of stuff.) At first we weren't going to do a tree at all. It would be one thing if the kids got Christmas or Santa - I would have certainly unpacked that stuff. I couldn't tell if I was just feeling bah humbuggy or if we were being smart.
The other day I woke up and just like that knew I had changed my mind. It felt good. My mind and I compromised. Say hello to my little friend...
This guy is as tall as Grey- which means Grey must be 4 feet tall. Crazy. His growth spurt can also be documented by his half shirt in this picture.
This tree makes me laugh every day, and the boys love the fact that there's a random tree in the middle of our house. And the fact that they can take the sparkly star off all on their own. Which they do, eleventy hundred times a day. Everything is covered in glitter.
As one year comes to an end I approach 2015 with an open mind. I think about the lessons in my life that seem to be on repeat. Do you know those life things that won't go away no matter how hard you wish? Some of the repeated messages are so incredibly wonderful. Like people are good.
Trash Truck Wednesday AND Christmas Eve. Almost too much goodness for one day to handle.
Some messages aren't good- they are like a shoe pebble that surprises you with how annoying they are. My pebble is how to find calm amongst uncertainty and chaos. And someone has been hell bent on serving me big ass whopping serving of uncertainty over the past few years. Even now I have to remind myself to breath when I look out and see boxes everywhere during this time of chaos and in between. I need organization to feel human and sort of sane. Over the next two weeks there won't be an ounce of organized so I'm going to have to find calm within despite the chaos.
What is your life trying to teach you about yourself and the world?
And it's funny the way life works. Sometimes the less we have, the better the memories are. I will always remember our last Christmas in our beautiful home.
Hold tight as we embark on the new year. Everything will change. (It always does). There comes a time in our life when we have to look at what we have and decide to weave our own new patterns and traditions into our own life. You are an artist, and although life may not have given you what you expected- you can still take what you have and make it beautiful. Do your best to live what you teach.
And for my friends who find themselves aching now - maybe you have a spectrum kid who doesn't understand the Holidays. Maybe it's not your Christmas to have the kids. Maybe it's your first Christmas without someone you love. Please, let me hold some of you pain for you. I'm still figuring out this grown up stuff too, and sometimes it hurts. I want to tell you your pain is valid but don't let a day on the calendar make you heartbroken. Don't let your pain rob you of the gifts you DO have and recognize the other days of the year. If you need to be sad, be sad. And then use that pain to take care of someone else. That always fills me up when I feel empty. There is something to be learned from every experience. Make your caterpillar pain turn into a butterfly. I think that's the purpose of pain- to change us into who we are supposed to be.
Listen to Frank. (and thank you for my pillow AB!!!)
Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
So much love.