Thursday, July 30, 2015

forever summer

Nothing living lasts forever, including each season of every year. Change is quickly inching along as we are rolling into the last days of Summer. A Summer alive with wagon rides, swimming until the kids pass out cold in between the comforting cushions of the couch, and purpley grapes growing in our yard so ripe they taste like candy. 

There's nothing quite like Summertime adventures.

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Adventuring at the zoo

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Up until this year they barely noticed the animals. They didn't pay attention to any of them. It was something I mourned, something I thought was taken by autism, something that made me jealous when I saw parents experiencing what I wanted with their children- joint attention, sharing in delight. But things change constantly, and it's so easy to forget that sometimes, that's a good thing. 

Greyson and Parker remind me to accept what is- but never ever bury hope for forever. It has a way of blooming when you least expect it.

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Hope is the best wingman.


I turn my eyes away from the Back to School section inside Target. I'm just not ready for the long days full of golden sun to be over. I'm not ready for my amazing Teacher friends to go back to school. I want one more play date, where the kids swim and we compare pooches and c-section scars and eat chocolate and potato chips and laugh.

Life is just so darn good, and sometimes it takes me writing about it to really and truly get the pause I need to remember that.

I think about Summer me and Back to School me. We are really quite different. I may hire Back to School me if I owned a business, but I probably wouldn't really want to hang out with her. She tends to be all business. Summer me is a little more tan, a little more laid back, a little more carpe diem'y, and a lot more fun. I thought about letting Summer me give Back to School me some advice. You know- before the passing of the guards. Or at least fill in the blank. This year I promise to:

I'm still thinking of my answer. I was going to say, "be more laid back", but I'm not laid back person so it's not really obtainable or specific enough to be measurable anyway. I need to make sure that I schedule time for the things I value. How do you know what you value most? It's what we spend our day doing. And if what we SAY we value and what we are actually DOING don't line up- it's time to reevaluate.

You should play along. What would your fill in the blank say? "This year I promise to:(blank). One thing is for certain, I need a daily reminder to stop chasing perfect. Most of us claim to hate perfect. But then we find ourselves berating ourselves for our complete and utter humanness. What we are saying (I hate perfect) is a lie compared to what we are doing.

I also expect others to be perfect. Let me tell you, it's pretty exhausting. Of course if you asked me, "Do you expect perfection from others?" I would say, "What?! No of course not. I love people just the way they are." But then someone does or says something and I find myself judging them or getting angry. Expecting them to do or say what I would do or say. WHY didn't they do this? WHY did they say that? WHAT makes them think that is okay?! WHY aren't they more (blank)? I wonder how much bad energy I could free up if I could just remember that they are not perfect and you are not perfect and I am not perfect either--And not just remember it in words but also in action.

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Time to turn this Summer over and shake out every last drop.

Big fat hugs,

Chrissy

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