Summer. (sigh) The weeks are flying by. I try to linger in the moments to make it last. The hard moments, the days that last forever- I remind myself in those moments- yes, even this is a gift. Summer me is so much more relaxed and calm and fun than back to school me. I have so much more energy to pour into random every day details. We pool. We see friends. We not cook. It's good stuff.
Recently I was lamenting to my friend Wendy. Quotes I made about the importance of Inclusion were published in an article in our local paper. I was telling Wendy- I'm still scared after I speak out. This lingering fear haunts me for a few days. I don't want the wrong people to feel guilty. I don't want it to affect how my boys are treated. All I want to do it tell the truth, and fight for what is right. At the end of my life, I want to know I fought hard for the things that mattered. I want to know I loved hard the people who mattered. I want to know I looked fear in the face and did it anyway. Wendy reminded me- This is your work. Just keep doing your work. Everyone else is responsible for their own work. They have to rest their head on their pillows and know they did a good job.
My talk with Wendy was an important reminder that Advocacy is my work. (Other peoples feelings are not my work.) Advocacy is a job I never interviewed for, and the only training is messy and on the job as you go along. And the school year is my busy season. I thought now might be a good time to talk to you about the foundation of Special Education. Understanding rights will help you advocate on the grass roots level for your child or student. In the current culture and climate- person by person, school by school, district by district is the only way we can create any kind of change.
I am a champion of Teachers. Teachers, I see you. I see your lack of resources. I see your inability to constructively criticize the system to your administration because it will cause apathy at best, and retaliation for being the squeaky wheel at worst. Teaching is not administration. There are amazing teachers doing their work. Keep doing your work- which means showing up every day and giving your best to those students in your care. Your work is THE MOST important part of it all. Sometimes the man behind the curtain forgets that. Sometimes I have to advocate for resources for your classroom to ensure my boys get what they need. Needs and resources don't always line up, and you are sometimes expected to theoretically feed 100 people with 10 meals. Advocating for resources is my work and I am happy to do it.
One of the most important things to understand is "The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act"- also called I-D-E-A (you can't call it the word - 'Idea'- I don't know why, you have to say each letter.)
The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) is a law that makes available a free appropriate public education to eligible children with disabilities throughout the nation and ensures special education and related services to those children. Originally adopted in 1975 and amended in 2004, the IDEA aims to curb educational problems associated with low expectations and insufficient focus on alternative research, teaching methods, and tools.
IDEA governs how states and public agencies provide early intervention, special education, and related services to more than 6.5 million eligible infants, toddlers, children, and youth with disabilities.
Infants and toddlers, birth through age two, with disabilities and their families receive early intervention services under IDEA Part C. Children and youth ages three through 21 receive special education and related services under IDEA Part B.
If you want to read the IDEA entirely, click HERE.
I'll summarize some important things to know, including the six pillars of IDEA.
These descriptions were written by Matthew Saleh, a Research Fellow at Cornell University’s Employment and Disability Institute and a Research Associate at the Campaign for Educational Equity at Teachers College, Columbia University. He received his J.D. from the Syracuse University College of Law and is currently a doctoral candidate at Columbia University. I added some additional comments in red!
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1. Free Appropriate Public Education
Under the IDEA, every child with a disability is entitled to a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). The IDEA emphasizes special education and related services, which should be designed to meet a child’s “unique needs and prepare them for further education, employment, and independent living.” NOTE: the high standards!
Furthermore, courts have held that the IDEA requires schools to prepare Individualized Education Plans, which confer “meaningful educational benefit” to children with disabilities. The “meaningful educational benefit” requirement includes a focus on raised student expectations, appropriate progress, and transition into postsecondary education and independent living. Meaningful educational benefit is HUGE. If your child isn't reaching goals year after year than it can be argued they are not making adequate progress.
Public schools and local school boards are responsible for ensuring that every child with a disability receives a FAPE.
2. Appropriate Evaluation
The IDEA requires that schools conduct “appropriate evaluations”of students who are suspected of having a disability. An appropriate evaluation must be implemented by a team of knowledgeable and trained evaluators, must utilize sound evaluation materials and procedures, and must be administered on a non-discriminatory basis.
Children should not be subjected to unnecessary assessments or testing, and evaluations must be geared toward planning for the child’s education and future instruction. Finally, an appropriate evaluation must determine and make recommendations regarding a child’s eligibility for special education services in a timely manner.
If you do not agree with an evaluation done by the District, In the US, by Federal Law, you can request that an outside provider of your choosing, do a new evaluation called an Independent Educational Evaluation- IEE- for your child, at the cost of the District. You must put it in writing, and the District has 30 days to respond to your request. They can either agree to it, or file for a Due Process Hearing to show why the IEE is not necessary.
3. Individualized Education Plan
The Individualized Education Plan (IEP) was established by the IDEA to help ensure every child’s access to a Free Appropriate Public Education. The IEP is a written document, developed by an IEP team, which draws upon existing evaluation information in order to meet a student’s unique educational needs.
Under the IDEA, an IEP must include information regarding a student’s present levels of educational performance, annual goals and benchmarking objectives, services and supplementary aids to be received, and a detailed explanation of instances where a student is not participating in the general classroom and why.
An IEP is also required to include information regarding consistent reporting on student progress as well as “transition” to adult life. Finally, it is required that an IEP account for the planning concerns of the parents and child, the strengths of a particular child, and the specific “academic, developmental, and functional needs” of the child.
EVERYTHING needs to be on the IEP. Spell out any requests for Inclusion on the IEP- be specific. If you want specific written information weekly/monthly etc. such as confirmation that Speech or OT occurred per the IEP, make the request at the IEP.
In the case Endrew F. v. Douglas County School District, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of a higher standard of education for children with disabilities. Schools must provide a meaningful education in which children show significant progress and are given substantially equal opportunities as typical children. IEP goals must be appropriate, meaningful, and a child needs to make progress.
4. Least Restrictive Environment
The IDEA places a strong emphasis on placement in a general education setting. Under the IDEA, a student is guaranteed placement in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) possible. Therefore, an IEP team must explore a number of alternatives for enabling a student to participate in the general education classroom. These may include: classroom modifications, supplemental aids and services, alternative instructional methods, etc.
If an IEP team determines that a student cannot be satisfactorily educated in a general education setting, then the team must make responsible efforts to determine the LRE for that student outside of the general classroom. Inclusion is NOT black and white. It can also happen beyond academic settings, such as library, lunch (not sitting on opposite sides of the table), field trips, art, PE, assemblies and more.) You can also make specific requests for Reverse Inclusion- where General Education Students come into Special Education Classrooms to work on goals or social skills.
5. Parent Participation
The IDEA has a special provision for “parent participation in placement decisions.” Under this provision, state educational agencies and local school boards must ensure that the parents of a child with a disability are members of any group that makes decisions regarding the placement and LRE of that child. You can also request parent education.
Parents have the right to equal participation in this process, and are entitled to notification of a planned evaluation, access to planning and evaluation materials, and involvement in all meetings regarding their child’s placement. Additionally, parents retain the right to refuse further evaluation of their child. Both students and parents must be invited to IEP meetings, and the IDEA explicitly establishes a role for the parent as equal participant and decision maker.
6. Procedural Safeguards
Finally, the IDEA establishes procedural safeguards to help parents and students enforce their rights under federal law. The primary purpose of this requirement is twofold: safeguards protect parental access to information pertaining to placement and transition planning; and procedures are put in place to resolve disagreements between parents and schools regarding the placement of a student.
Under the IDEA procedural safeguards, parents have a right to review all educational records pertaining to their child, receive notice prior to meetings about their child’s evaluation, placement, or identification, and to obtain an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) for consideration at such meetings.
If disagreements arise, parents have the right to request mediation or due process hearings with state-level education agencies, and beyond that may appeal the decision in state or federal court.
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Understanding IDEA, has been imperative in my advocacy work. I've met with Teachers who are not familiar with the specifics of the act. In touring schools for Parker, I asked one Teacher how placement in the Least Restrictive Environment, and Inclusion worked in her classroom. She told me that "If a student can keep up with the common core standards in a subject area and they aren't disruptive, then they can go into a General Education Classroom." This method doesn't jive with Federal mandate of educating students in the Least Restrictive Environment as mentioned above. We can not expect Teachers to know all the provisions of IDEA- but it's great when they do. It's up to us to do the research.
It's also important to understand exactly what a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE) means. First of all- there is NO one size fits all educational requirements for any child receiving Special Education. It's important to understand what your child needs- but also- know the types of things that will interfere with your child's ability to receive FAPE. Not receiving any of the pillars of IDEA can interfere with your child's ability to receive FAPE. Not receiving the appropriate Related Services can interfere with your child's ability to receive FAPE. The term related services means things needed to help a child access their education. Examples include: transportation, speech-language pathology and audiology services, interpreting services, psychological services, physical and occupational therapy, recreation, including therapeutic recreation, social work services, school nurse services, counseling services, including rehabilitation counseling, orientation and mobility services, and medical services. For example, if a child has a Speech Disorder, they will need help with Speech and Language in order to be able to learn- or to be able to access their education.
One thing that has helped me embrace my role as an advocate, is that I believe this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
There are few things more important in a child's life than education. Their socioeconomic background, their home environment, their ethnicity, how and by whom they are being raised, the love they are given, their health, the grades they get, their athletic ability-- unfortunately none of these things are guaranteed or distributed evenly.
An opportunity to learn is one of the few things guaranteed to all children, regardless of circumstance. And fighting for that is my work. It's one of the best and hardest jobs I've ever had.
And it is so worth it.
Friday, July 27, 2018
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
random stream of consciousness
The sooner you realize
Your life circumstances are on purpose (yep, even the crap ones.)
The happier you will be
or
You can hate them
And fight them
And blame them for your unhappiness
You can find excuses to stay stuck
You will prove yourself right
See! No one would be OK in this life.
And that becomes burdensome truth.
However, the sooner you let go
The sooner you will find
You
I swore I wouldn't complain about the heat. Because Summer is so much my favorite that I want to marry it. So instead I will complain about boob sweat, and the fact that my car steering wheel is so hot it could fry an egg. It feels too hot to go swimming. Today I stupidly wore jeans, and I was so hot that before Grey had Speech Therapy, we stopped and bought me some new light weight linen pants at TJ Maxx which I then immediately changed into in the parking lot. I swear they are even cooler than shorts, so I might just wear them for a week at a time. If you see me wearing them daily, don't bring this up.
We've been continuing our plan of Summering our faces off.
Parker one morning before heading out for Behavior Therapy. Carrying just the bare necessities: An Eiffel Tower, a Yo Gabba Gabba Boom Box and a guitar. He's so Steve Martin in The Jerk.
Recently I took Grey to Toys R Us to show him it is closed. He would tell us, "Let's go to Toys R Us" 3,456 times a day. Telling him they were closed didn't make any difference, so I showed him. He was surprisingly chill about it. Now he only asks 20 times a day, so I call that progress. (insert laughing emoji here.) Grey also knows most good things in life comes from Amazon Prime anyway. A few kind folks have told me that the one on the other side of town hasn't closed yet, but I'm going to leave that coffin lid closed!
Sometimes we all need a reminder that something is over. Closed for business. No more. Especially if repeated thoughts about it aren't serving you. The more we think about it, the more we keep it alive. Yes, we can multi-task and do a million things at once. But there is only a finite amount of time to think each day. Why waste it on fear, anger, remorse and regret? When you find yourself going down that thinking path, think of something you are passionate about instead.
Think good thoughts. You deserve it. Stay cool my friend.
Love,
Chrissy
Your life circumstances are on purpose (yep, even the crap ones.)
The happier you will be
or
You can hate them
And fight them
And blame them for your unhappiness
You can find excuses to stay stuck
You will prove yourself right
See! No one would be OK in this life.
And that becomes burdensome truth.
However, the sooner you let go
The sooner you will find
You
I swore I wouldn't complain about the heat. Because Summer is so much my favorite that I want to marry it. So instead I will complain about boob sweat, and the fact that my car steering wheel is so hot it could fry an egg. It feels too hot to go swimming. Today I stupidly wore jeans, and I was so hot that before Grey had Speech Therapy, we stopped and bought me some new light weight linen pants at TJ Maxx which I then immediately changed into in the parking lot. I swear they are even cooler than shorts, so I might just wear them for a week at a time. If you see me wearing them daily, don't bring this up.
We've been continuing our plan of Summering our faces off.
Parker one morning before heading out for Behavior Therapy. Carrying just the bare necessities: An Eiffel Tower, a Yo Gabba Gabba Boom Box and a guitar. He's so Steve Martin in The Jerk.
Recently I took Grey to Toys R Us to show him it is closed. He would tell us, "Let's go to Toys R Us" 3,456 times a day. Telling him they were closed didn't make any difference, so I showed him. He was surprisingly chill about it. Now he only asks 20 times a day, so I call that progress. (insert laughing emoji here.) Grey also knows most good things in life comes from Amazon Prime anyway. A few kind folks have told me that the one on the other side of town hasn't closed yet, but I'm going to leave that coffin lid closed!
Sometimes we all need a reminder that something is over. Closed for business. No more. Especially if repeated thoughts about it aren't serving you. The more we think about it, the more we keep it alive. Yes, we can multi-task and do a million things at once. But there is only a finite amount of time to think each day. Why waste it on fear, anger, remorse and regret? When you find yourself going down that thinking path, think of something you are passionate about instead.
Think good thoughts. You deserve it. Stay cool my friend.
Love,
Chrissy
Thursday, July 12, 2018
what makes you
I don’t care about the weather, or how Kylie Jenner is a billionaire or that The Bieber got engaged. I want to know what makes you feel alive? What are you passionate about?
What keeps you awake at night? What do you struggle with most?
How do you take your coffee? What's your favorite cereal? Non chocolate candy?
What brings you joy? Real, filterless joy. The kind that makes you lose track of time and your phone? For me, it's the Ocean. We went to Hermosa Beach last weekend for one night, and as always, it was magical. Hermosa is a beachfront city in Los Angeles, and the place Michael, Greyson and I lived before we moved to the Central Valley of California.
I go to the Ocean to reset. To feel the pull of the tide at my feet. To remember what and who matters most to me in the world. Three hours passes in ten minutes here. I think I could stay forever.*
(* that is a lie that sounds good. I need to go get a shower and get the sand out of my parts every once in awhile too.)
When was the last time you laughed? Like hold your stomach, don’t make a sound laugh? Mine was April 16. I know because the date is on the video from my phone.
My boys LOVE going to my friend Wynema's house. Like LOVE LOVE. The week after we spent Easter day with her and her family, Parker asked to go every day. One morning he asked on the way to school. "Let's go to Meema's house", he said. "Neema is at school." I told him (she is a Teacher.) For weeks Parker repeated that conversation over and over and over. And every single time it made me laugh. But when we did it with snap chat filters I lost it. I was sitting on the ground with Parker, literally hunched over in pain I was laughing so hard. Man, I love laughing like that. It's so happy, that it almost makes me cry that it doesn't happen more often.
When was the last time you really felt hopeless and cried? Mine was for this girl, Belle.
Belle is 10- wait- maybe 11 years old. And a few weeks ago she had a little lump on her neck. A few days later the little lump turned big. The Vet thought it was an infected salivary gland. After a week of antibiotics, it was only a little smaller. So we had it surgically removed- you can see her gnarly scar in the picture. Doc said there were no mast cells present when she did a needle aspiration so we weren't concerned. The labs came back that it was Mast Cell Cancer. Michael and I were a wreck. We laid on the floor with Belle and pet her while we sobbed. Her little baby life flashed before my eyes.
She's been here. Always. Before we had human kids.
Bitty Grey, Belle and Jack.

The Vet said that the tumor had clean margins, and they think they got it all. For right now, time will tell. I can't imagine a world without Belle in it, so I don't.
What do you dream about doing? Are you doing it? Toe by toe or inch by inch?
Sometimes life can feel so shallow end of the pool and my brain can feel like the depths of the deepest part of the ocean. What we think about is also what makes us. Makes us happy, or passionate, or follow or dreams or love others or be alive.
I'm all for talking about Amazon Prime or my favorite color of nail polish (Orly- Light as a Feather!) But sometimes, I just want to connect to another's soul.
(The End)
Love,
Chrissy
What keeps you awake at night? What do you struggle with most?
How do you take your coffee? What's your favorite cereal? Non chocolate candy?
What brings you joy? Real, filterless joy. The kind that makes you lose track of time and your phone? For me, it's the Ocean. We went to Hermosa Beach last weekend for one night, and as always, it was magical. Hermosa is a beachfront city in Los Angeles, and the place Michael, Greyson and I lived before we moved to the Central Valley of California.
I go to the Ocean to reset. To feel the pull of the tide at my feet. To remember what and who matters most to me in the world. Three hours passes in ten minutes here. I think I could stay forever.*
(* that is a lie that sounds good. I need to go get a shower and get the sand out of my parts every once in awhile too.)
When was the last time you laughed? Like hold your stomach, don’t make a sound laugh? Mine was April 16. I know because the date is on the video from my phone.
My boys LOVE going to my friend Wynema's house. Like LOVE LOVE. The week after we spent Easter day with her and her family, Parker asked to go every day. One morning he asked on the way to school. "Let's go to Meema's house", he said. "Neema is at school." I told him (she is a Teacher.) For weeks Parker repeated that conversation over and over and over. And every single time it made me laugh. But when we did it with snap chat filters I lost it. I was sitting on the ground with Parker, literally hunched over in pain I was laughing so hard. Man, I love laughing like that. It's so happy, that it almost makes me cry that it doesn't happen more often.
When was the last time you really felt hopeless and cried? Mine was for this girl, Belle.
Belle is 10- wait- maybe 11 years old. And a few weeks ago she had a little lump on her neck. A few days later the little lump turned big. The Vet thought it was an infected salivary gland. After a week of antibiotics, it was only a little smaller. So we had it surgically removed- you can see her gnarly scar in the picture. Doc said there were no mast cells present when she did a needle aspiration so we weren't concerned. The labs came back that it was Mast Cell Cancer. Michael and I were a wreck. We laid on the floor with Belle and pet her while we sobbed. Her little baby life flashed before my eyes.
She's been here. Always. Before we had human kids.
Bitty Grey, Belle and Jack.

The Vet said that the tumor had clean margins, and they think they got it all. For right now, time will tell. I can't imagine a world without Belle in it, so I don't.
What do you dream about doing? Are you doing it? Toe by toe or inch by inch?
Sometimes life can feel so shallow end of the pool and my brain can feel like the depths of the deepest part of the ocean. What we think about is also what makes us. Makes us happy, or passionate, or follow or dreams or love others or be alive.
I'm all for talking about Amazon Prime or my favorite color of nail polish (Orly- Light as a Feather!) But sometimes, I just want to connect to another's soul.
(The End)
Love,
Chrissy
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
successful hair cuts and autism
We discover the world through our senses.
It's best to individualize this program based on what causes the discomfort for the person with autism. An individualized approach and a systematic way to move forward are key to success. It's different for every person, so what works will be different. This process has evolved for our family, and for our boys. If something no longer works, we keep trying different ways.
I used to hold him on my lap because that made him feel more secure. Here the stylist was spraying the water in his hand so he could feel it before she sprayed his head. He likes advance notice each time the bottle is sprayed. We also would give him two red (his favorite!) suckers to hold so he wouldn't try to grab the scissors.
For Greyson, current specific triggers are the sound of the scissors, and the feel of the hair hitting his skin. In some cases you can eliminate some trauma by working around these triggers. For example, now with Greyson we listen to the iPad turned up loud on a preferred YouTube video to drown out the scissor sound and we cover his body/neck/everything exposed with a towel so hair doesn't fall on him.
The things we can not eliminate- we work on in small bits, gradually exposing the child to more in a structured environment replicating the actual situation as best as possible.
There are some universal things that can may also be used to help many children during the process like:
Autism Speaks has a helpful page with tips for a successful hair cut, as well as a link for stylists that have experience working with individuals with autism. They also have a guide that includes a visual schedule for the actual hair cut!!! I LOVE VISUAL SUPPORTS!
Here is a video from the Autism Speaks site that can be used for both kids with autism, and for hair dressers. (It says that hair cuts can be fun for all individuals. I have to say- I'm not buying that! My goal is to make hair cuts consistently tolerable. I don't ever see it being fun!)
For hair dressers:
Hair cuts have gotten so much better for my boys using these techniques, and I believe they can help you too! Any questions, comments or tips of your own, let me know!
GOOD LUCK!
Chrissy
The nervous system must receive and process information in order to react, communicate, and keep the body healthy and safe. Much of this information comes through our sensory organs: eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and skin.
Many people on the autism spectrum have difficulty processing everyday sensory information. They experience too much or too little stimulation through these senses. Hyposensitive kids are under-sensitive, which makes them want to seek out more sensory stimulation. Hypersensitive kids are extremely reactive to sensory stimulation, and can find it overwhelming. Many autistic individuals are a mixture of both.
This is important, because these sensory processing issues can make hair cuts traumatic for individuals with autism in ways those of us with a typical nervous system can't begin to imagine.
A person with hypersensitive senses may:
One way we have helped make hair cuts less traumatic for my two sons with autism, is by Systematic Desensitization. Systematic Desensitization is a fancy term for a technique that can move a person from stress and avoidance to success gradually over time. This therapy shares the same elements of both cognitive psychology and applied behavior analysis (ABA). We do ours during ABA therapy.
Systematic Desensitization is not just for individuals with autism, and can be useful for many kinds of phobias or fears (ie fear of bugs, fear of going to the Doctor). Essentially, a person is exposed to a simulation and eventually small amounts of the actual aversive condition in longer and longer doses as they are able to demonstrate calm behavior with exposure to each step. In this way, they are able to build up to the ability to tolerate the troublesome event.
As with any therapy we do with our boys, our goal is not to eliminate autistic traits. I love how my boys view the world. My goal is to help reduce their anxiety around situations that are traumatic for them.
This is important, because these sensory processing issues can make hair cuts traumatic for individuals with autism in ways those of us with a typical nervous system can't begin to imagine.
A person with hypersensitive senses may:
- Be unable to tolerate bright lights, loud noises, or the sound of a clippers or scissors
- Refuse to wear clothing because it feels scratchy or irritating—even after cutting out all the tags and labels
- Be distracted by background noises that others don’t seem to hear
- Feel physical pain when getting their nails or hair cut
- Be unable to tolerate the feeling of cut hair on their body
- Be fearful of touch
One way we have helped make hair cuts less traumatic for my two sons with autism, is by Systematic Desensitization. Systematic Desensitization is a fancy term for a technique that can move a person from stress and avoidance to success gradually over time. This therapy shares the same elements of both cognitive psychology and applied behavior analysis (ABA). We do ours during ABA therapy.
Systematic Desensitization is not just for individuals with autism, and can be useful for many kinds of phobias or fears (ie fear of bugs, fear of going to the Doctor). Essentially, a person is exposed to a simulation and eventually small amounts of the actual aversive condition in longer and longer doses as they are able to demonstrate calm behavior with exposure to each step. In this way, they are able to build up to the ability to tolerate the troublesome event.
As with any therapy we do with our boys, our goal is not to eliminate autistic traits. I love how my boys view the world. My goal is to help reduce their anxiety around situations that are traumatic for them.
It's best to individualize this program based on what causes the discomfort for the person with autism. An individualized approach and a systematic way to move forward are key to success. It's different for every person, so what works will be different. This process has evolved for our family, and for our boys. If something no longer works, we keep trying different ways.
I used to hold him on my lap because that made him feel more secure. Here the stylist was spraying the water in his hand so he could feel it before she sprayed his head. He likes advance notice each time the bottle is sprayed. We also would give him two red (his favorite!) suckers to hold so he wouldn't try to grab the scissors.
For Greyson, current specific triggers are the sound of the scissors, and the feel of the hair hitting his skin. In some cases you can eliminate some trauma by working around these triggers. For example, now with Greyson we listen to the iPad turned up loud on a preferred YouTube video to drown out the scissor sound and we cover his body/neck/everything exposed with a towel so hair doesn't fall on him.
The things we can not eliminate- we work on in small bits, gradually exposing the child to more in a structured environment replicating the actual situation as best as possible.
There are some universal things that can may also be used to help many children during the process like:
- If the child has a visual schedule, put the hair cut on the schedule and remind them of the upcoming hair cut each day.
- Have the child select a reward that will be delivered after the hair cut. Bring the reward with you and keep it visible during the cut. Remind them, "First hair cut, then (AWESOME REWARD)." Don't rely on them being satisfied with stickers or some "reward" they don't like. It's gotta be awesome!
- If possible, go to the salon for a walk through before the actual hair cut. Call ahead to discuss.
- Do practice hair cuts daily. Depending on the child's baseline and tolerance (remember individualized!) this may start out with the child simply wearing a cape- or just getting their hair combed for one minute.) I suggest buying a hair dressing cape, a spray bottle, and anything else you may need to replicate the actual environment.
- If your child responds well to Social Stories, create one about their upcoming hair cut. Your child is the main character in the book. It doesn't have to be Pulitzer Prize wining- Microsoft Word and Google images will do the trick! Keep wording and outcomes positive. Remind the child about any coping techniques you may have for specific aversions, ie, "I will wrap a towel around my neck so I don't feel the hair fall on me." End with a successful hair cut and a happy child with their awesome reward.
- Watch videos of children getting hair cuts. If your child has a cut that requires the use of clippers, make sure you are watching videos that include that aspect of the process.
Autism Speaks has a helpful page with tips for a successful hair cut, as well as a link for stylists that have experience working with individuals with autism. They also have a guide that includes a visual schedule for the actual hair cut!!! I LOVE VISUAL SUPPORTS!
Here is a video from the Autism Speaks site that can be used for both kids with autism, and for hair dressers. (It says that hair cuts can be fun for all individuals. I have to say- I'm not buying that! My goal is to make hair cuts consistently tolerable. I don't ever see it being fun!)
For hair dressers:
- In some ways, you will treat a child with autism just like any other child. Get on the child's level but don't try and get eye contact. Greet them, introduce yourself. Ask them their name and their favorite things. Give them extra time to respond. If they can not talk, and don't use a communication device, ask the parent or caregiver- "Tell me a little bit about him/her." Even if the child does not respond, talk directly to them.
- Find out specific triggers that make hair cuts traumatic for the child.
- Use clear, concise language. Keep directions simple.
- Don't start cutting instantly- let the child explore your tools- spray bottle, combs, clippers etc. See if you can find out what specifically has been difficult during prior hair cuts. Keep your routine consistent.
Hair cuts have gotten so much better for my boys using these techniques, and I believe they can help you too! Any questions, comments or tips of your own, let me know!
GOOD LUCK!
Chrissy
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Transformation Lane
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." (Elizabeth Gilbert)
I hold this quote in my heart's pocket. It helps me turn pain into gratitude. Fear into action. Anxiety into patience. Anger into love. It's impossible to see the ruin as anything but complete destruction when you are surrounded by it. You are certain this is the end.
And maybe it is the end of something. Which also means it's the beginning of something else. Author Liz Gilbert (like how I did that- called her by her nickname like we are old pals?) embeds these words in her brilliant book, "Eat Pray, Love."
*****
"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins? It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
*********
We are a make it quick and one of every color society. We can order our coffee from an app. Fast forward through commercials. Use predictive text to send messages, not even needing to bother typing out full words. We can have groceries delivered. These are all beautiful advancements of modern day society, but it also means that we forget how to wait. We lose touch with how to sift through the uncomfortable middle. The depths of a wreckage, sifting for the golden parts. We want to fast forward the pain right to the gift. It doesn’t work that way. Ruins isn't the same as Amazon Prime. (Damn).
I think back to a year ago now. Even though it was Summer, there was a constant ache in my mind and an anxious pounding in my heart. Trying to get Greyson the things he needed at school had changed me. All the rules of the world were different there, and I didn't know any of them, nor did they make any sense to me. I didn't know how much longer I could do that. Be that. Feel that. Watch that. Each Summer day ticked forward leading us to the start of a new school year. And all Summer break I held that fear close tight, and close to me. Fear of potentially needing to home school scared me more than anything in the world. And one day, a few months into the school year, keeping him at school felt much more frightening than homeschooling. And so we did it.
Recently I looked back to a post I shared on Social Media soon after we first started this new transition.
"The beginning of this week knocked me down flat on my tuchus. It was like I woke up and suddenly realized- HOLY COW, I’m homeschooling Greyson. I am responsible for his entire education. It’s like I started a new job that I have no training for and no supervisor to tell me if I’m doing a shitty job. I started thinking about what I was going to do and how I was going to teach him in high school. I thought about how he will miss graduation and all my friends and their kids will be there and it’s just not freaking fair and why does it have to be this way?"
I had to have a talk with myself. Self. Calm the frick down. 1,000 things can and will change in the next year, let alone the next 10. Focus on TODAY ONLY. 24 hours you can do. 10 years in a 24 hours IS NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO LIVE OUT. Today I FINALLY remembered, Greyson and I really are getting the hang of this. It’s hard for me to start something new and not be perfect. That’s a crappy perspective that I don’t want to leak onto my boys. Today I remembered that we are beginners learning our way and making mistakes as we go. Some of it is even- dare I say- fun! And he’s learning a hell of a lot more with me than he did at school this year. That alone is proof that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.
Sometimes the dull pain of staying the same hurts so much more than the sharp stabs of moving forward. And that’s the truth. This is hard, but hard in a way that I know is best for Grey- and that’s all that matters."
I was in the ruins then. And just like every other time I'm in the ruins, it feels like the end of the world. The ruins never ever feel like a gift. They feel anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to hurting like hell. There is no fast forward. There's just a day at a time. And if that's too much, it's just an hour at a time. That's all you need to do.
Our first two weeks were awful for both of us. He would spit on the floor and hit me to try and get out of working. One day he head butted me so hard I saw stars. These were behaviors that previously worked for him at school. I knew if I was firm yet loving, we would get over this beginning hump. And it worked. We both grew in ways I never ever imagined.
I loved figuring out what made him tick. Like this resistance band around the chair gave him the ability to fidget and pay attention.
I am so lucky I am in a position to stay home with him during this season of life. We are going to continue to do this for the upcoming school year. After that we will reevaluate. One day at a time.
I love Summer. It reminds me to go slow. We still have therapies to do, but we don’t have to be anywhere earlier than 9am, which feels ridiculously luxurious.
Here's a short video of Grey at Speech yesterday, which is always a highlight of my week.
I wake up early so I can have a love affair with my coffee and my thoughts. They are usually pretty friendly thoughts in the morning, so I like to be around them. I am always thinking of the next three things I have to do, so I practice being in the moment. I practice going slow. Sometimes I forget who I am and in the morning I can remember easier. I meet her shyly. Yes, I know you. Let’s get together again soon.
Since most days are 100 degrees plus, 92% of our free time is spent in the pool.
I would give all the pennies for his thoughts.
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." Feel free to slap that on a bumper sticker (you might want to ask Liz first) or tattoo it on your arm. The transformation doesn’t happen overnight. If it did- it wouldn’t be remarkable. And life is remarkable.
So (so) much love,
Chrissy
I hold this quote in my heart's pocket. It helps me turn pain into gratitude. Fear into action. Anxiety into patience. Anger into love. It's impossible to see the ruin as anything but complete destruction when you are surrounded by it. You are certain this is the end.
And maybe it is the end of something. Which also means it's the beginning of something else. Author Liz Gilbert (like how I did that- called her by her nickname like we are old pals?) embeds these words in her brilliant book, "Eat Pray, Love."
*****
"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins? It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
*********
We are a make it quick and one of every color society. We can order our coffee from an app. Fast forward through commercials. Use predictive text to send messages, not even needing to bother typing out full words. We can have groceries delivered. These are all beautiful advancements of modern day society, but it also means that we forget how to wait. We lose touch with how to sift through the uncomfortable middle. The depths of a wreckage, sifting for the golden parts. We want to fast forward the pain right to the gift. It doesn’t work that way. Ruins isn't the same as Amazon Prime. (Damn).
I think back to a year ago now. Even though it was Summer, there was a constant ache in my mind and an anxious pounding in my heart. Trying to get Greyson the things he needed at school had changed me. All the rules of the world were different there, and I didn't know any of them, nor did they make any sense to me. I didn't know how much longer I could do that. Be that. Feel that. Watch that. Each Summer day ticked forward leading us to the start of a new school year. And all Summer break I held that fear close tight, and close to me. Fear of potentially needing to home school scared me more than anything in the world. And one day, a few months into the school year, keeping him at school felt much more frightening than homeschooling. And so we did it.
Recently I looked back to a post I shared on Social Media soon after we first started this new transition.
"The beginning of this week knocked me down flat on my tuchus. It was like I woke up and suddenly realized- HOLY COW, I’m homeschooling Greyson. I am responsible for his entire education. It’s like I started a new job that I have no training for and no supervisor to tell me if I’m doing a shitty job. I started thinking about what I was going to do and how I was going to teach him in high school. I thought about how he will miss graduation and all my friends and their kids will be there and it’s just not freaking fair and why does it have to be this way?"
I had to have a talk with myself. Self. Calm the frick down. 1,000 things can and will change in the next year, let alone the next 10. Focus on TODAY ONLY. 24 hours you can do. 10 years in a 24 hours IS NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO LIVE OUT. Today I FINALLY remembered, Greyson and I really are getting the hang of this. It’s hard for me to start something new and not be perfect. That’s a crappy perspective that I don’t want to leak onto my boys. Today I remembered that we are beginners learning our way and making mistakes as we go. Some of it is even- dare I say- fun! And he’s learning a hell of a lot more with me than he did at school this year. That alone is proof that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.
Sometimes the dull pain of staying the same hurts so much more than the sharp stabs of moving forward. And that’s the truth. This is hard, but hard in a way that I know is best for Grey- and that’s all that matters."
I was in the ruins then. And just like every other time I'm in the ruins, it feels like the end of the world. The ruins never ever feel like a gift. They feel anywhere from mildly uncomfortable to hurting like hell. There is no fast forward. There's just a day at a time. And if that's too much, it's just an hour at a time. That's all you need to do.
Our first two weeks were awful for both of us. He would spit on the floor and hit me to try and get out of working. One day he head butted me so hard I saw stars. These were behaviors that previously worked for him at school. I knew if I was firm yet loving, we would get over this beginning hump. And it worked. We both grew in ways I never ever imagined.
I loved figuring out what made him tick. Like this resistance band around the chair gave him the ability to fidget and pay attention.
I am so lucky I am in a position to stay home with him during this season of life. We are going to continue to do this for the upcoming school year. After that we will reevaluate. One day at a time.
I love Summer. It reminds me to go slow. We still have therapies to do, but we don’t have to be anywhere earlier than 9am, which feels ridiculously luxurious.
Here's a short video of Grey at Speech yesterday, which is always a highlight of my week.
I wake up early so I can have a love affair with my coffee and my thoughts. They are usually pretty friendly thoughts in the morning, so I like to be around them. I am always thinking of the next three things I have to do, so I practice being in the moment. I practice going slow. Sometimes I forget who I am and in the morning I can remember easier. I meet her shyly. Yes, I know you. Let’s get together again soon.
Since most days are 100 degrees plus, 92% of our free time is spent in the pool.
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." Feel free to slap that on a bumper sticker (you might want to ask Liz first) or tattoo it on your arm. The transformation doesn’t happen overnight. If it did- it wouldn’t be remarkable. And life is remarkable.
So (so) much love,
Chrissy
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