Tuesday, June 11, 2019

life is good

I am a little lost. 

And when I am lost, I often hide. Writing is a way to help me figure things out, to help me be found. My internal GPS. So, I hide from writing too. I don't realize it, until I realize it. So here I am. 

I have no plan now, but to unwind with words. To pull out the things I have been stuffing down. 

Transitions. They jolt me completely.  Way before autism was part of our family DNA. I hate it when people blame their own shit on their kid’s autism. Nope- you were uptight way before autism, Susan, let's be honest.  

Even good transitions, like crashing into summer. What will we do? Not in a bucket list sort of way, (I hate those by the way. I don’t need another list, or another reason to feel inadequate.) I mean what will we do on a Thursday at 11am when the week feels like it’s lasting forever and Parker has already lit something on fire and found all the knives and the one hidden sharpie and I just don’t know how I can fill the emptiness of the next 40 years.

The good news is, it just takes us all a week of dipping our toe into the new schedule before it doesn't feel so scary.

So, my dad is still dead. A fact that still shocks me most days. If I refuse to believe it to be true, perhaps it won’t be? I hate that it still genuinely surprises me when I allow my mind to linger there. I will hate when it doesn’t shock me anymore, because that will mean it's real. 

2019 has not been my friend. Jack my dog died. And Belle 5 days later. And then my dad, after a horrible extended stay at a horrible place. There was negligence, there is a lawsuit. I ask God- how do I process this information? Where do I put it? Why are elders and special needs children targets for some people who just don’t care? I remind myself that there are also people in these fields that are angels and making magic too. But right now- the ghosts of the evil ones linger because of what I have seen. That kind of evil is hard to process.

Parker is so so happy to be "all done school", and I am too. We need to detox from that joint for a couple of months. Grey will probably be going back to school with Parker in August. Even the transition into making that happen has been difficult. I try to put that worry in a box, and wait until August to open it. It shouldn't be this hard, I find myself thinking on a loop, over and over again.

I bring my mind back to the now. The boys are in Behavior Therapy. Oliver, one of our two new beautiful babies is sleeping by my side. 

I never officially introduced them here. 


 This is Oliver. 



And this is Lucy. 

It's scary to love this much. But love is always worth it. Always.

My current television obsession, "How to Get Away with Murder" is on Netflix in the background. Today is good. Life is good. Thank you for reminding me of that.

14 comments:

  1. Your words never fail to move me. You are the real deal and I appreciate you and your blog more than you know. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Ade who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Ade helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him

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      Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Ade who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Ade helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him

      ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 

      https://ancientspirit1.blogspot.com

      Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me

      View more on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jWta3jLP_fo

      WhatsApp +2347059715465







      Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Ade who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Ade helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him

      ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 

      https://ancientspirit1.blogspot.com

      Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me

      View more on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jWta3jLP_fo

      WhatsApp +2347059715465

      Delete
    2. GET BACK YOUR EX FAST, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DIVORCE AND AMEND YOUR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE HELP OF DR GREAT CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      Hello everyone i am happy to spread my testimony of a strong spell caster called Dr Great. I'm Kaitlyn Houston and i live in USA, my husband and i had a little fight because of that he wanted to divorce me i was so afraid to lose him because i love him very much so i search online for help and i saw a lot of people's testimonies on how Dr Great help them and came out with positive results like Divorces, Cancers, lotteries, fertilities and others. So i emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it as he instructed, 24 hours later he told me he is done with the spell and my husband will no longer divorce me and when my husband came back from work he told me he won't divorce me anymore he said he didn't know what came over him that he is sorry I was so happy and I thank Dr Great for his help If you need Dr Great help email him at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me my page https://kaitlynhouston19.blogspot.com you can also add him on WhatsApp +2348118829899 and he will put an end to your problem 






      GET BACK YOUR EX FAST, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DIVORCE AND AMEND YOUR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE HELP OF DR GREAT CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      Hello everyone i am happy to spread my testimony of a strong spell caster called Dr Great. I'm Kaitlyn Houston and i live in USA, my husband and i had a little fight because of that he wanted to divorce me i was so afraid to lose him because i love him very much so i search online for help and i saw a lot of people's testimonies on how Dr Great help them and came out with positive results like Divorces, Cancers, lotteries, fertilities and others. So i emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it as he instructed, 24 hours later he told me he is done with the spell and my husband will no longer divorce me and when my husband came back from work he told me he won't divorce me anymore he said he didn't know what came over him that he is sorry I was so happy and I thank Dr Great for his help If you need Dr Great help email him at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me my page https://kaitlynhouston19.blogspot.com you can also add him on WhatsApp +2348118829899 and he will put an end to your problem 







      GET BACK YOUR EX FAST, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DIVORCE AND AMEND YOUR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE HELP OF DR GREAT CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      Hello everyone i am happy to spread my testimony of a strong spell caster called Dr Great. I'm Kaitlyn Houston and i live in USA, my husband and i had a little fight because of that he wanted to divorce me i was so afraid to lose him because i love him very much so i search online for help and i saw a lot of people's testimonies on how Dr Great help them and came out with positive results like Divorces, Cancers, lotteries, fertilities and others. So i emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it as he instructed, 24 hours later he told me he is done with the spell and my husband will no longer divorce me and when my husband came back from work he told me he won't divorce me anymore he said he didn't know what came over him that he is sorry I was so happy and I thank Dr Great for his help If you need Dr Great help email him at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me my page https://kaitlynhouston19.blogspot.com you can also add him on WhatsApp +2348118829899 and he will put an end to your problem 

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    3. I am Mrs. Dora Pless from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, and i love him so much we have been married for 4 years now with three kids. when he went for a vacation to Singapore he meant a lady called STEPHANIE, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend miss joy and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr. Ugo Wonders who is man of God for her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. Miss Stephanie ask me to contact Dr. Ugo Wonders I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the God of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great MAN OF God did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr. Ugo Wonders on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his EMAIL contact: generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on  +1 386-336-9876WEBSITE: https://generalspellsolution.webs.com

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    4. i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i win the lottery. I am a woman who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email PRIEST WISDOM . and tell him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decide to give it a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i win 90.000 Dollar. PRIEST WISDOM truly you are the best, with these man you can will millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful Email him on Supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or WHATSAPP or Call Via +2348124644470  




















      i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i win the lottery. I am a woman who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email PRIEST WISDOM . and tell him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decide to give it a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i win 90.000 Dollar. PRIEST WISDOM truly you are the best, with these man you can will millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful Email him on Supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or WHATSAPP or Call Via +2348124644470  







      Delete
  2. what she said! welcome back chrissy. hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree- always love to read your words. best of luck with the new pups!

    Colleen

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dogs are truly the best! Wishing you ease in settling into summer's embrace.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i win the lottery. I am a woman who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email Dr Alli . and tell him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decide to give it a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i win 1.900.000 million Dollar. Dr. Alli truly you are the best, with these man you can will millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful to you. Email him for your own winning lottery numbers [ Allispellhelp1@gmail.com ]. OR Whatsapp or Call Via +2348100772528.  

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  6. GET BACK YOUR EX FAST, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM DIVORCE AND AMEND YOUR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE HELP OF DR GREAT CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

    Hello everyone i am happy to spread my testimony of a strong spell caster called Dr Great. I'm Kaitlyn Houston and i live in USA, my husband and i had a little fight because of that he wanted to divorce me i was so afraid to lose him because i love him very much so i search online for help and i saw a lot of people's testimonies on how Dr Great help them and came out with positive results like Divorces, Cancers, lotteries, fertilities and others. So i emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it as he instructed, 24 hours later he told me he is done with the spell and my husband will no longer divorce me and when my husband came back from work he told me he won't divorce me anymore he said he didn't know what came over him that he is sorry I was so happy and I thank Dr Great for his help If you need Dr Great help email him at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me my page https://kaitlynhouston19.blogspot.com you can also add him on WhatsApp +2348118829899 and he will put an end to your problem 

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am Mrs. Dora Pless from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, and i love him so much we have been married for 4 years now with three kids. when he went for a vacation to Singapore he meant a lady called STEPHANIE, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend miss joy and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr. Ugo Wonders who is man of God for her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. Miss Stephanie ask me to contact Dr. Ugo Wonders I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the God of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great MAN OF God did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr. Ugo Wonders on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his EMAIL contact: generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on  +1 386-336-9876WEBSITE: https://generalspellsolution.webs.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i win the lottery. I am a woman who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email PRIEST WISDOM . and tell him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decide to give it a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i win 90.000 Dollar. PRIEST WISDOM truly you are the best, with these man you can will millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful Email him on Supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or WHATSAPP or Call Via +2348124644470  

    ReplyDelete
  9. Are you in bad need of love spell to bring back your ex lover or reunite your marriage? Email Dr Isikolo for fast 48 hours solution. I had a problem with my husband a year and six months ago, which lead us apart. When he broke up with me, I was confuse and did not know what to do to get him back, I felt so empty inside. Until i came across Dr Isikolo on the internet on how He has helped so many people solve there various problem. I emailed Him and I told Him my problem and i did what he asked me to do for him to help me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew it, in less than 48 HOURS, my Husband gave me a call and he came back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going on between the both of us. Finally I am writing this testimony to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you Dr Isikolo for keeping to your words and your promises in bringing him back to me in just 48 hours of your powerful spell casting, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back. If you need his help, you can email him at: isikolosolutionhome@gmail.com You can also Whatsapp/Viber him on +2348133261196.

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