Author Kelly Corrigan's Motto is "Things happen when you leave the house". She is absolutely one of my favorite writers and feeler ever, but her life motto sounds more like a torture theme to this high anxiety introvert.
But sometimes our greatest pains are directly connected to our greatest strengths. I remind myself of that when I beat myself up for not being (more extroverted, less anxious, more adventurous, a better cook and approximately 11 million other things depending on the day and the amount of grace I have left in my cup). I like to stay home. A lot. All I really need are the people (and animals) I love, a good book, a comfortable spot (hopefully in the sun), and exercise. I like home. Sometimes the world just feels too big and too scary. Home is predictable. Safe.
I told you about our new dog Lucy. Lucy is so chill. So sweet, so laid back. The other day Parker squeezed her face too hard- to the point she yelped. And two seconds later she was following him around ready for any attention he would give her. She also doesn’t get worked up when someone rings the bell. She runs into things all the time. She literally ran into the back glass door this morning causing a thump so loud I jumped. She’s a little bit of a doofus. And it’s perfect. Because it’s also how she’s so chill with the kids. Lucy is Lucy. Chill with the kids, not a watch dog, and a bit of a clutz.
Now Oliver is kind of high strung. He is part chihuahua- so he guards the castle. He’s fast and super agile and doesn’t love the unpredictability of the boys sounds and movements. But he does love to run with the boys and play outside. He doesn't tire easily. He's also a super fast learner, and takes what we tell him seriously. You can't expect a chihuahua to be a Golden Retriever. And vice versa.
I can so easily look at my dogs and respect their breed combined with their own natural tendencies. Respect that for them to be one thing- it might completely exclude them from being another thing too. I don’t judge it, I just notice it and try to work with it.
I am trying to offer myself that same grace. So maybe I am too anxious, and definitely too this, and not nearly enough that. I am anxious more often than not. I am constantly thinking, researching, writing. But I am also super organized and love to meet fear of the unknown with learning everything I can.
I am deeply by routine, and often rigid in my patterns. But I don’t need much at all to entertain me. I am organized predictable and dependable.
I can’t be anxious AND laid back AND organized AND constantly moving and going. I can't be all the things at once. It’s not my breed. I'm a HUGE fan of self-improvement, but I'm trying to tackle that from a place of "I am enough, and I can always be better," not from a place of, "Boy are you broken!"
All of our lefts have rights, our yin’s have yangs, our sweets have sours. Life is a series of contrasts. One cannot exist without the other.
What is your breed? How can you love it?