Wednesday, February 17, 2021

cherish the bud

The less I have to do, the more exhausted I am. Why is that?! Give me a full to do list and I'm on it. But give me one or two, or God forbid, 0 things I need to have done during the day, and I am so tired from doing absolutely nothing. That's why the current world and life has felt so draining lately- I am at home allllll the timmmmme. I was thinking about my past life and working outside the house. I don't miss it- like at all really. But I do miss feeling smart and productive. I miss interacting with like-minded professionals. I miss having a project, working hard on it, and finishing it. The buzz of accomplishment is so very invigorating.

Being home with the boys has always made me feel like I still had a purpose. But post-pandemic (ALMOST A YEAR NOW!) it doesn't feel that way much anymore. So I am left longing and wondering what else there is out there for me. So far, God hasn't answered (I've asked for signs), but he knows I am ready and waiting. 

One of California's top agricultural exports is almonds- and most of them come from right here in the Central Valley of California. (I feel really proud about that, even though I have absolutely nothing to do with it(!) For the tree to produce flowers, the buds first have to go through a period of cold weather. Sometime between late February and early March, almond tree buds burst into beautiful light pink and white blooms in preparation for pollination, and let me tell you- it's absolutely beautiful. Like an explosion of white with petals that fall like snow. We go every year.




"The Central Valley is now in bloom," I heard on the news last week in the background noise while cooking dinner. It was the announcement I was waiting for, so over the weekend we all went to see. We got to our favorite spot, and as soon as I saw the trees I whispered, "shucks" under my breath. (Except with an f). I saw a handful of blooms, but mainly bare trees.  I looked closer, and noticed buds all over the tree branches. We were too soon for the blooms that must be happening somewhere else in our valley.

Since we were already there, and the boys were just excited to run free, we went to explore.

I realized,  part of what makes the trees so beautiful- is the feeling of wonder that is created when you see row after row after row of trees...they are beautiful alone, but together, they really stand out. I never fail to be in awe when I realize how much life and nature has in common.

The flowers get all the glory, but I began to realize on our adventuring, just how beautiful the flower buds actually are. They are the in between. The not knowing. I feel like it's the longest chapter in the book of life- The waiting combined WITH the not knowing. It's a recurring lesson in my life, which means it still delivers a message I am supposed to, but haven't quite learned.

Now we know these buds will bloom, like an outsider looking in usually does, but with nature and life, there are no guarantees. The buds are the hard work and the holding on to hope. The buds are the not giving up because it's hard, or because it hasn't happened yet. The buds are the maximum amount of work, without the celebration and glory. We fail to see the beauty in the bud, if we are only willing to see the beauty in the flower. 

What if, we were willing to see the beauty in both? 

Today I looked back on old pictures to gather for this post, and I saw so many bud times in our life- many Seasons of the in between. I see so much beauty in them now: time is a brilliant story teller and one that often filters out exhaustion and fear and heartache and pain. Yes, flowers are beautiful, and easily recognized by others, and celebrated. But I urge you to cherish the buds too. The place where the magic is being created, even if it isn't visible yet. Sometimes the in-between is just as beautiful too.

So much Love,


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