Waiting for the Surprise...

I tried out for Field Hockey my Freshman year of high school at St. Joseph's Academy. I really wanted to make the team. The coaches made a series of cuts and in the end if you were still around- you made the team. (I didn't make it through the first round of cuts, but that's OK by me now.) Part of the glamor? If you made the team, you found out when the field hockey team just showed up at your house before school early one morning where they "kidnapped" you (with your Mother's prior knowledge and approval of course)- still in your jammies- and took you out to breakfast with the entire team. It was like a National Holiday, but even better. I couldn't imagine the excitement that must have come along with that dark at dawn greeting....the nervousness beforehand- did I make the team or not? ...if I did- Desperately wanting to know, what morning will it be?... the importance of wearing cute jammies for the excursion.

Here I sit at 37 weeks, 2 days pregnant with my second profoundly amazing, son....

I know I made the team and I am so so excited....However, I don't know when I am going to get the surprise announcement. When I think about it, I go giddy...my heart beats faster....I jump from thought to thought- some beautiful and anticipatory, some worried, some ridiculous and some practical, "Don't forget to pack the ac adapter for the portable DVD player". What time will it happen? Will someone be able to take care of Greyson while it's happening? I have to make sure I get a pedicure beforehand, I can't believe I get to feel that explosion of the most intense love and excitement imaginable - like I felt that second I laid eyes on Greyson- again."

I attempt to be understanding with myself as I try to calm and soothe the worried questions. I'm not used to not knowing all the details of something so important, and because of that, I am so darned not good at it. It's good practice though- going with the flow- sure it's because I have no other choice, but that's OK too. Because so very soon, I will get that special wake up call, and the adrenaline will set in and I will do good, and everything will fall into place like they always do.