It's only Wednesday, yet I am comfortable saying that it has been a stressful week. My mood is improving as we speak though, because I feel better when I talk to you. You help me put things into perspective. See- this is totally a mutually beneficial relationship.
If you like coming to visit me here- will you do me a favor and become a "Member"? It's over there on the right. And for you 48 precious souls that already have? THANK YOU! Every time I get a new friend I do a little dance.
I was a big reader when I was a kid. Still am. I loved those Choose Your Own Adventure books. Remember those? The books were formatted so that every so often the reader faced 2-3 choices and the rest of the story unfolds based on your choice, sometimes having up to 40 different endings. You don't really get to make alot of choices as a kid- so I was extra fond of them. Guess what? Now we are adults, and our entire life is a Choose Your Own Adventure.
Speaking of Adventures...look at what my wonderful husband made me for Valentine's Day! I can't wait to fill it. You'll know what it is if you've seen the Pixar movie UP. It you haven't- watch it. Prepare to cry.
There are certain things in life we can't necessarily control....certain elements that have to have a Merry-Go-Round feel to them. Get up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner and so on....but clustered all around those Ground-Hog-Day-The-Movie choices are options for you to select that can bring joy and enrichment to your life...or not... Are you recognizing when you are faced with those moments, or are you comfortable- just being comfortable-- yet still feeling that longing for something different?
I listened to that inner longing and that voice 1 year and 8 months ago. I took real risks. I chose my Adventure. It wasn't easy. I worried I was making the wrong decisions at the time, and I couldn't peek to the back of the book to see how the story ended. I had a great job in Pharmaceutical Sales. Like most in the industry, I had love/hate for it. I made great money. My husband and I owned a home in Hermosa Beach, California, one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I ran on the Ocean Strand every night and went home to balconies with Ocean views. I always thought I'd pop out a kid or two and have no problem going back to work after my maternity leave. I even thought I'd be bored silly while on leave. Boy, was I wrong.
The first 4 weeks after giving birth to Grey, I was an anxious wreck. I couldn't believe how hard it was. I didn't understand why he wasn't on a schedule! I didn't understand why I was constantly busy, yet never got a thing done. I didn't understand why it wasn't coming naturally to me- like everyone said it would. I didn't understand what in the world would possess someone to ever do this "having a baby" thing more than one time. I was so stressed. Then literally one day I was rocking him and I just started to cry. I was finally getting the hang of Momming, and I felt so bad and so sad that I had wasted so much time being an anxious wreck. It's like all the love I felt for him welled up and practically swallowed me whole right then. My tears baptized me and I became addicted to him and to being his Mom. I thought going back to work would certainly kill me.
But it didn't, and for 8 months I worked and I Mom'ed. My husband had the opportunity to work in the Central Valley of California (ie- NO beaches. No fancy. No place to buy cute shoes. No ocean view. BUT way better cost of living, a backyard for my dogs and AMAZING and genuine people). And, if we moved to Fresno- I could be a stay at home mom. And so we did.
The girl in Hermosa never could have drempt it up this good.
Looooove Lil' Baby Chick hair and puppet mouths. This Season's "Must-haves" according to the US Weekly in my head.
And there will be other posts containing more of the Oreo cream middle- but flash forward to now. I'm doing what I love. I'm building memories, raising 2 itty bitties that rock my Universe. I will look back on these years as my Golden Ones. The best I've ever had. One day I will long for sidewalk chalk on everything I own...to be out of breath from blowing so many bubbles. Greyson needs me home with him more than ever now, and I am so glad I get to be here. I get to stay home with my kiddos and do photography on the weekends because I love it. Because I chose it. Because my husband and I made what we thought were sacrifices to make it happen.
I was practicing Flash photography here. I don't think I will choose it again.
I chose my photography adventure. A couple years ago I got my husband a Canon Rebel for Christmas. It sat in the box for a few months so one day I decided to get it out and give it a whirl. (We joked that I owed him another gift because I ended up making it mine.) I didn't know how to shoot in Manual setting, so I taught myself. I still teach myself about my craft because it is my adventure for the choosing. Since it is my passion, I make sure to do something to contribute to that every single day. I take pictures -often daily so I can sharpen my tool. I read daily to learn how to improve...I do tutorials. No boss is making me- I want to. I choose to. If there is something you want to get better at or know more about- read about it for 5 minutes every night before you go to bed. Make time to fill your tank.
I am passionate about my life...my husband...my family....writing... I have found harmony amongst the chaos...Despite it even. And when something stops working for me....I choose something else. Life is too short not to.
I've chosen other adventures that didn't work. That never clicked. I choose the "Play the Guitar" adventure. I was terrible at it and I hated it. I chose the "Meet a guy and move to LA" adventure. He was not the one! I'm so glad I chose that adventure because it finally got me here though! And now I am married to the perfect man for me. He is an on-purpose dad and awesome Family Man.
I've outgrown some adventures I've chosen. I ran a marathon (so glad I did- but never again), I learned to knit, I've tried to paint...I could go on and on.
That's the thing with choosing...sometimes it's not always the first story line that makes your heart sing. Go to the library and search for your next thing to choose. Be aware of the little ways you can choose each day too. Don't give up. Keep choosing.