Wednesday, April 25, 2012

listen to the words

The weather this evening is's 75 degrees and slightly balmier than usual for April. There is a calming breeze that settles my mind. It's been a very good week so far. The weather makes me want to drive around and listen to Van Morrison with the windows down...or sit outside on a patio somewhere with all of you friends drinking a glass of wine...or maybe even a fun colored drink to commemorate this feeling of Summer.

Expressive language is the production of speech and the ability to communicate a message. Receptive language is the comprehension of language- listening and understanding what is being communicated. Man do I love Receptive Language. When we first realized Grey was not able to speak, we also realized he could understand so much more than we first thought... I felt like I couldn't open the door to get into his house, but I sure could climb through a window to get a look inside.  He used to scream his head off when we would carry him upstairs to his room to change his diaper. I didn't really think it would make any kind of difference, but I had a feeling in my gut...or maybe it was a hope...and one day I said to him..."It's not time for night-night. Mommy is just changing your diaper." and suddenly his whole body relaxed. I almost cried from the realization -that feeling of - My boy is in there. Even now, I  wonder, what would he say if he could? When I rock him to bed at night I tell him, "I know you are in there, Greyson. Mommy understands you. Mommy won't give up on you."And then I grab his hand and I put it on my heart and I say, "Mommy- Love."Even when it really isn't a belief- and it is just a hope...I say it out loud.

Greyson goes into the pantry eleventy-hundred times a night.... sometimes he wants a cookie or a snack...sometimes he wants to look at stuff (ie- junk we hide when company is coming over.) I get tired of constantly taking things away from him and carrying him out. Tonight- I suddenly realized- I know how to get him out of the pantry... I said, "Greyson- did you go poo-poo?" He hates getting his poopy diaper changed and those words did the trick! Dude ran like he was on fire! (I've got another back up phrase that I know will work- "Greyson, are you ready to go night-night?")

Tonight as I started on my run, I realized that despite the fact that my mouth is a caffeine receptacle,  I was dead tired. I have been up to midnight editing pictures the past two nights...Parker wakes up at 6:30am and that isn't enough zzzzzz's for this Momma. That, plus the fact that Michael is in LA and it's a great recipe for tired (If I ever give you any kind of recipe involving food- please do not make it. Please, run).  I am tired, but not feeling that, Man,  I want to cry tired. It's more like that tired and happy from a hards day of work tired. I said to my brain, "I'm not going to write tonight. Right now it feels like a chore and I don't want it to be something I have to cross off a list" And then I felt bad- because I have this writing routine, Monday through Friday, and I didn't want to break it...and I didn't want to disappoint anyone needing words...and that's when I realized something pretty big...Sometimes Life just is...Sometimes we can not change certain facts given to us and our only option is to accept what is...Life can be hard sometimes....some things really may not have a bright side like Cancer or Death or Sadness...sometimes Life puts handcuffs on you and you still must go on.. But sometimes it isn't LIFE holding me back...sometimes it is actually me. And I realize that when I apply those kinds of rigid patterns of thinking, I am handcuffing myself. I don't want to do that anymore...and the first step to stopping something you don't like- is be aware... Let Life's unchangeables put limits on you if it must be- but don't you be the biggest limiting factor. Don't add to your pile. Cut yourself some slack when it makes sense...Break your rules... Listen to what you need on the inside....There's a pretty good chance you're already telling you. Don't tip toe around those thoughts.

So, of course I had to write to tell you about it friend because suddenly, I wanted to write! But, I am happy to say, from here on out, I am giving myself permission to write one day a week, or six days a week... If you don't see a post for a day or two it's because I am listening to what I have to say.

Greyson can not sit still for an evening bedtime story. About a month ago I started to use bedtime as a way to teach him to sit still and listen to the words of a story, but it was a struggle, so I leave those kinds of things to daytime... Teacher Amy sometimes reads to him, sometimes his ABA teachers read him books, and I read to him during the day too. But, I want night to be sweet and calming and special so we don't do it at night. Greyson always wants Michael to rock with him and snuggle before bed, but when Michael is out of town, I am the big winner. Tonight, I asked Greyson the usual question, "Do you want Dad to take you to bed, or Mom?" (So exicted because for once he is going to say, "Mom" since Dad is CLEARLY not here!!! Oh yeah, I'm cabbage-patching happy) And he says, "Dad"!!! The stinker!! But then he said, "Mom" and then he said, "I want two"....and I think it meant he wanted both of us. Oh Grey, you always surprise me, little Buddy.
And since Grey doesn't like books and I still wanted to do something enjoyable for our special time before bed... I turned off the lights in his room and we did this...
I kept it under my shirt so I could totally surprise him! I could see his ear to ear grin glowing in the faint green light. I love it when I can figure out how to "get" him. I can still speak his language.
I turned the overhead light on low for just a quick second here to take his picture. He immediately turned it off so he could see the glow stick.


He "wrote" on the ground with it, he held it up in the air and he was enamored. You should have seen the look in his eyes when I took it and swirled it in circles around his head. If I would stop for a second he would tell me, "Ret, set, dough!" (Ready, Set, Go!) So I would do more!

So, that's all the words I have for tonight.  I'm going to go and eat the Yogurt Land Frozen Yogurt waiting for me in the freezer. (Thanks Michael!)

Oh, wait! I want to leave you with a funny picture. Doesn't Jack the dog look scary here? Sometimes at night I look up to see this and it startles me... I feel like I am watching a kind of funny old scary movie about a dog that comes back from the dead. He doesn't move...he doesn't bark. he just stands there still.

OK, I think that's all I have to tell you for real this time... Except that I can't sleep with socks on. I would rather sleep in a turtleneck than sleep with socks on. Makes my feet feel all claustrophobic-y. 
I wanted to share that with you.

Also, I eat dessert every single night. I don't think I could sleep without it. We all deserve some form of nightly dessert...maybe yours is a glass of wine. Maybe yours is a book.

Now I am certain that is it. Thanks for stopping by friend.


  1. Great post. I am still caught up on "cabbage-patching happy." Awesome!

  2. It's so sweet how the little things make them smile. We took our 3.5 year old son to the dentist on Monday (not a fun experience for any kid, but especially hard for him due to sensory issues). He screamed and fought the whole time, but after it was over we took him to the Dollar Store that's in the same shopping center as his dentist's office and bought him a blue star-shaped balloon. He was a happy kid all over again!

  3. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your words. thank you