Most nights when I am going to bed I think, There are not enough hours in the day.... there were still phone calls I meant to return, photos I meant to work on for Parker's First Year Book, errands I meant to run, appointments I meant to make....And although there are about 86,400 seconds in each day, there just never seems to be enough seconds...And somehow during the day- that very same day with not enough hours--- there are moments that stretch in time, that are excruciating long, when the day seems to go on forever. I feel like so many aspects of my life are just like that... No middle...just extremes... I wonder if I am the only one feeling this way.
The only thing I hate more than cleaning- is a dirty house.... So today we spic and span'ed so it will be squeaky clean for 2 U tomorrow. We do preschool every Monday at my house...I do it so Greyson can socialize with other Typical kids his own age- to see how they play and how they interact with each other. They are all so different and unique- but for the most part -they all follow certain social protocols that Greyson is picking up on. I am so grateful for the beautiful Mommas that bring their adorable, social and talkative 2 year olds to play at my house. When those 2-year-olds talk my ears think it's candy. They make me laugh. For Grey and many other kids on the Spectrum, Greyson prefers to be alone. (FYI- If a child is not Autistic, they are considered "Typical"....and that's the best lingo to use if you are talking to a Spectrum Mom about their child ie- "How does Greyson do when interacting with Typical Children?" not- "How does Greyson do when interacting with normal children?") When everyone is doing art at the table- Greyson will try to run outside...when everyone is outside- he wants to go to the playroom...when everyone is at circle time singing- he is sitting at circle time (Because I am MAKING him sit there!) I feel like I'm in a video game- like a moving version of Where's Waldo?... trying to keep track of Greyson and herd him back to the group. I have found that since I am so transparent with my words- that other Mommas know how I feel. They help me- and they teach their child to interact with Grey...to talk to him- even though he doesn't answer back. It's beautiful. Do me a favor Typical Mom friend...continue to teach your child about children that are different. Don't be afraid to talk about kids that are different...discuss how they are different and how they are the same--in age appropriate ways. If there is a quiet child in your child's class- one that may not have the most friends.. tell your child to ask to sit by them at lunch...play with them at recess. I've heard from so many grateful Mother's- thanking me for helping the World accept different because their babies are different too- and every Mother's heart aches when they see their own child struggle...but I can't take the thanks--all I do is write words--and you awesome people apply these words to your life- and this makes change. Thank you.
As I was cleaning on this bright and beautiful sunny day, my inner 3rd grader came alive.... "Why do I have to be inside cleaning today? It's so unfair... I always have to clean. I hate cleaning. I went to college..why am I a cleaning for a living? I totally just wish some fat guy in a tutu would come to my door and say...Hi! I'm the empty the dish washer fairy!
And after I was cleaning and cleaning and cleaning- for approximately forever...- I looked up at the clock and noticed that 26 minutes had gone by...Not a good start...But I kept at it- because I wanted it to be really clean. Not just surface clean...and I realized something as I was cleaning in the playroom-- pulling out bins and pulling out furniture..the room went from kind of messy- to looking like a total bomb hit it...to then finally being really clean...and my realization was... That sometimes in order to get things really clean and how you want them- they have to get a little dirtier first... Like when you get a facial- you usually break out before your skin looks better.
Is there something you are putting off because you don't want to deal with the tough in between? I say we ignore the inner voice that has kept us from deep cleaning- and go for it. Have the talk you need to have, quit the job you need to quit, dump the toxic friend you need to let go of, stop reliving painful memories or thinking about stupid people that don't deserve your precious brain time...
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou
The past year has taught me a lot... I have learned that there is absolutely no room for people who don't get it.
Some people just aren't cut out to be kind, supportive, loving and loyal... They aren't my problem. They are their own problem. But much more importantly- I've learned that many more people are good...kind...supportive...selfless...passionate and awesome...Thank you to all of you sweet friends-for sharing this blog... for praying for us....especially those who commented on the post my Dad wrote...that touched my heart like I can't describe...my Dad was so touched too.
In 2003 I ran the Los Angeles Marathon. My level of tired after running 26.2 miles is rivaled by my tired this evening. Michael, Greyson, Parker and I went to a Birthday Party. You would think it would be easy- a simple mathematical equation really. 1 adult per child. Somehow it always turns into chaos. I spent approximately 45 seconds total talking to Michael the entire evening- and that was usually during the hand-off. He would approach me and say, "Parker doesn't want me holding him-he won't stop crying- let's switch." or something to that effect. I had approximately 4 bites of my food. I spent most of the night chasing, running, dodging or bouncing and...as usual, as I look over the pictures from the evening... suddenly all I remember is the good....
The good rises to the top every time.
Would you believe they had Gluten, Dairy, Soy free cake there? Pinkie swear. I am always grateful for small miracles like that..simple things like my boy being able to eat cake with the other kids at a party. Pretty much the best birthday party ever, for the sweetest 5-year old boy in the World. He takes good care of my Grey and that's guaranteed Saint status in this Momma's book.
Happy Monday, Friend...(in a "Shut up Monday" kind of way...)
I still believe that people are good...I believe we all have the ability to touch people in simple ways...I believe that the best pictures are the ones that don't have to be edited...I believe that feelings were made to be shared... I believe that pictures should be printed and hung on walls and fridges... I believe that a heart felt letter is a great gift to give to any woman... I believe that we all have the ability to change the World for the better...
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