2 tennis balls. Check.
Hot bath... soon to be -Check.
I am certainly a creature of habit. I crave routine. Before I had kids I was a broken frickin record.
Get ready. Wear some variation of the exact same thing
Go to The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf
Go to Work
Come home and run at the Ocean, or go to gym
Get Chicken Maison Take out (Maison Special Salad. Rice on the side)
Do computer work
Go to bed
And I pretty much did the same thing Monday through Friday for at least 5 years. It felt good. It actually was a good life, but it was a safe one. It was my routine, and I found a man who was happy to do the same. Maybe that's part of the reason why I picked him. I didn't realize it at the time, but that kind of predictability and routine is a great way to slowly rot. The less I went out on a limb, the tighter I hugged the tree.
And then I became a Mom...and my whole World was quaking. Mom'ing beat the predictability out of me- one routine at a time. Up was now purple, and the opposite of black was icecream. I didn't know how to fit my World into a symmetrical little box anymore. I couldn't believe I didn't want to go back to work. Work had once completely defined me. I didn't know who I was without it...and then I realized who I was meant to be all my life. Greyson's Mom. I get so tickled when someone comes up to me in public and says, "Are you Greyson's Mom?" because they recognize me from the blog. It's working my friends. The whole Awareness for different movement we are creating together. It's working. I couldn't have done it without you. And not just different for Spectrum Kids....Different for all kids. Every stinking one of 'em. Being a kid is hard sometimes...and being a kid that is Different- that takes a whole mess of awareness like we are generating and like we are sharing with our next generation.
2 years ago this June I quit my job. We moved from our fabulous beach home to the Central Valley of California. I grew another baby. I started my own photography business....and I finally started to live. To really live. And it's so much harder...and so much easier all at once.
Tonight I broke my routine. I jumped outside of my comfort zone. I went with Teacher Amy and I played indoor soccer.
Now I haven't played soccer since college- probably 18 or 19 years ago. (doesn't that make me sound cool- like I played in college? I didn't. I played with with my sorority. Twice.)And despite my love for running, my willpower and a healthy endurance for pain, I'm a mediocre athlete at best. That's the funny thing- I write about running- how much I love and need it- but I am TERRIBLE by any conventional definition. I'm slow as heck. Like 10 minute miles slow....if I'm going "fast". I'm not sure why I said yes about soccer. I was really nervous...but I did it anyway...but like I often say- I expect Greyson to go outside of his comfort zone every single day- constantly, and he does...and I must lead by example. I must stretch to be the Mother my kids deserve- and stretch to be the person I want to raise them to be.
And it was horrible...and wonderful all at once. And I think I liked it, but I wasn't sure because my lungs were searing hot, and my limbs were jello. But I was glowy and proud and happy...
Teacher Amy... A friend I wouldn't have made if I wasn't on this particular journey. Are you going through something hard? Look for the hidden blessings...they are there. Promise.
But then I drove home and as I went to get out of the car- I felt that familiar painful burning sensation in my lower back...and now I am walking like I am 90...hence the prescription ibuprofen....
So I'm not sure if I will play again. We will see how Grandma Me is tomorrow. But I'm so glad I went. I'm glad I was up for the adventure.
I also went outside of my comfort zone today at Greyson's school. I took "school pictures"...of 9 wiggly, blinky, looking every which way, vivacious itty bitties. It was HILARIOUS and so much fun.
Isn't he sweet here? Note Grey's shoes on the wrong feet. I'm always so proud that he puts them on by himself that I don't even care that they are on the wrong feet. It makes me smile every single time.
I totally dig, Where the Garden Grows. You should totally "Like" them.
It's funny... so many of us make sure our kids lives are chock full of activities...soccer, dance, volleyball, swimming, tennis... Why? Well, because it's fun, it prepares them for the real World, it teaches them life lessons about winning and loosing, it gives them structure and routine. If we really wanted to prepare them for the "real world" that so many of us have lived- we should just have them go to school all day...come home and then sit behind a desk for another few hours... have them check Facebook 20 times- looking to fill some void within...have them drink a bunch of coffee...and then have them eat a mediocre dinner in front of the TV...go to bed...and do it all over the next day. What is it that you want to change in your life? Maybe you think you can't do it, but I think you can...Do me a favor...think of my son Greyson.... oh friend, he stretches so hard to adapt to this World...every single day. He can do it- and so can you.
Tonight as I was driving home from soccer, I was changing from radio station to station, and I stopped on Melissa Ethridge's, "Come to my Window". I liked the song back in college, but I'm not particularly fond of it now...but all of the sudden the words below filled my entire car and my soul...and I swear that they were written just for me and Greyson...and I burst into immediate tears that bore no thought-only feelings...not feelings of sadness...Feelings of strength...
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you
Just to reach you
Just to reach you
Have the happiest of Fridays. Do something to break your routine this weekend.
You are so amazing. OK i don't have a better word yet but you my friend amazes me all the time. I love you blogs. Makes me feel close to you.ReplyDelete
oh yeah, love the tough girl post.ReplyDelete
Beautiful post (again)... Made me tear when reading the lyrics.. You're such a strong Mama!!! :)ReplyDelete
I love you!ReplyDelete
oh my gosh, the lyrics! I totally see how fitting that is. I love you, you strong, loving,fantastic momma!ReplyDelete
Hi, I never liked to give negative when not necessary. What is a wrong foot? How can a foot be wrong? Let their comfort level guide you and if they are okay with shoes on different feet, who cares? At the very least, he is wearing shoes, which my kids often did not want to!ReplyDelete
So wonderful Chrissy! My mind is swirling about how to break my routine. :) You are just so inspiring!ReplyDelete