Tuesday, August 28, 2012

color outside the lines

Each daily drop off with Greyson pulls me a little into my head.

Thinking...I crave it like caffeine.

Thoughts swirl and peak and suddenly there is a Universe inside that I want to understand completely.
I contemplate....What is the meaning of Life?...What does real friendship look like? What would life look like if I was never afraid? Why are people afraid to be vulnerable?

And those thoughts are not heavy to me...they are like mind-jogging...and I long to feel and find and live and discover the answers as they come along.

The amazing thing about an Autism diagnosis, is that not only did our World change- but the World around us changed in an instant too. Some of the people that were part of our life before- are no longer in it. I realize that not everyone can be supportive, loving and kind -and that's OK, because there are so many more people out there that can. We focus on them.

Focus on the people that are able to support you in a way that feels good for you...not that feels good for them.

I walk around the house- trying to remember what it is I am forgetting...my keys? my phone? Am I supposed to be somewhere? Do I need to pay a bill? Return a call? 


And suddenly I remember...my nest is one short... My misser is working overtime. I really have no idea when I became such a...sap.

After school we made a quick stop to the grocery store. I usually keep Greyson in the cart because it's easier- but today we practiced walking (and staying) next to the cart.


Every time he escaped- I knew where to find him...

Every single time...The magnetic pull of the Tic Tacs... I would look down to ask him a question and notice- Oh, Foo-bar! Greyson is gone...and then I would run to the front of the store and find him standing in front of the candy, worshipping at the alter of sugar.

And all the while I am learning to survive without him...even more importantly-  he is learning to survive without me. And school will help teach him how to create his own version of happy... A life where he can color outside the lines if he chooses to do. But in order to learn how to color outside the lines- sometimes you have to first learn how to color inside of them....

Greyson is learning how to trace a horizontal line now during after school therapy. First his Teacher traces a line- and then he traces one directly underneath.

He is doing so good...


I brought him with me on a later than usual run tonight. I cherish our alone time even more now.

Neil Armstrong... You will be missed.

I am working on letting go...Of course I still need him to need me-- but luckily- he is 3...I've still got some time to be needed.


No comments:

Post a Comment