Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Golden Silence

Greyson goes to school from 8:20-1:20 and then after a nap, resumes therapy from 3:30-5:30. 

Monday through Friday. Every single day. 

He works harder than I ever have. It makes me proud and sad all swirled into one. Today during our afternoon therapy session we did a community outing to get his hair cut. Many Spectrum Kids have trouble in social situations and also have trouble following directions. Community outings are a way to work on good behavior while in a generalized setting like the real World. We are working on "Wait by Mom" while I put Parker in his car seat so that Grey doesn't run in the parking lot- and other little safety things like that too.


I swear he has been an absolute Angel during every single Therapy Community Outing we have had. His behavior is exceptional...no melt downs...no tantrums... He follows directions...It's bizarre and hilarious because it usually leaves nothing for the Aid to do but hang out. Plus it gets me funny awesome looks-like- I can't believe that lady brings her nanny with her everywhere. I used to give that look all the time in Los Angeles.

When Grey gets his hair cut I usually have to hold him still on my lap while I hold his hands down. Today I had him sit by himself --because I had backup in case he started to melt.


He just sat there...perfectly still...watching TV and eating his sucker while letting the stylist spray, comb and cut his hair. I was in shock.



No words exist to share just how proud I am of him- how amazed I am at how far he has come...and not just because he was perfect during the hair cut... I love him for exactly who he is.________________________________________

People can't and don't always say the perfect thing. I certainly don't.  I think we go through tough situations and learn what felt best to hear... and what felt -not so great. 

My favorite response I heard after telling a friend (at the time) that Greyson was Autistic... 
(Grey had gone from baby to toddler practically over night- which including getting taller and thinner.)

Well... at least he looks good. He's really thinned out. (and then the subject of Autism was changed and never brought up again.)

ME: (Inside my head)...Um...Yeah- uhhh...cuz that would suck...to have an Autistic child....who was also chubby...

Sometimes a good, old-fashioned, I'm so sorry for your struggles, friend...Is a perfect response to any situation.

Here are some other possible doozies...

Why aren't you married yet? If you are a woman- there's a good chance you are looking for Mr. Right. It isn't an easy task regardless of where you live. If a woman isn't married chances are it's because the right guy hasn't come along. I think you should just answer- Because I'm a loser, and just start to cry and run out of the room. I had a gay boss who was always getting asked that question. So awkward. There was a little old Asian lady at his dry cleaners that always asked him, Why you not nailed? He would just smile and shrug. I always made him repeat the story to me because I liked it so much.

When are you having kids? Marriage is a BIG DEAL. Sharing your whole life and heart and living space and bathroom and closet with someone else is a big deal. I heard a few people ask my sister, Katie this at her wedding last week- When are you going to start trying for kids? Gross! That's my sister!! I don't know about you- but I was a little bit psycho/paranoid/emotional/starving/angry/irrational while I was pregnant. Luckily we had a year or so after we got married before I got pregnant -so Michael didn't have to immediately see that side of his beloved bride. 

Then, after you pop the first one out...When are you going to start trying for number two? I've heard friends dealing with fertility problems answer this question so diplomatically - like- Hopefully soon! Fingers crossed! and I just want to yell - guess what? She would LOVE to have number 2. Thanks for bringing it up and making her feel broken and inadequate. It's all she thinks about some days. When are YOU going to get that hairy mole on your face removed?

(To a pregnant woman) How many babies are in there? I've had two singleton births...I am 5 foot 2....My husband is a full foot taller than me. By 30 weeks I got that question every day . Whether you are pregnant or not- no one likes to be told they are huge. 

(To a pregnant woman carrying twins) Did you do fertility treatments or do twins run in your family? Hmmmm, that could be a really a deeply personal question. Now we are potentially talking about sad struggles of infertility...Lady bits and who-ha doctors...private...awkward...

To the Parent of child of mixed race- What is she? Nudging toward child while referring to them as a county fair prized pig. Hello stranger! She in fact is a human child! Fascinating-yes?! She is a sweet little girl that hasn't learned about labels and inappropriate questions. Thank you for teaching her!

Or if the Parent is of one race and the child is another- Is your baby adopted?or Is she yours? Yes! They had a sale on  {Asian/African American/White etc.} babies at Target and I couldn't resist! Chances are- this is a question that child will overhear time and time again. I can't imagine how old that would get and how alienated that could make the child feel. 

I have never felt the pain of miscarriage...so I do not speak from experience- but a big hug and my heart goes out to anyone that has. In my opinion- the ONLY response acceptable after hearing of someones miscarriage is to say- I am so sorry. What can I do to help? 
NOT- It was God's plan...you can always try again...at least you were only {x} weeks along...luckily you already have a child...it just wasn't meant to be...maybe it was a blessing.... WHAT?! 

I am totally MORTIFIED to say until I had children I did this next one. I suck- and I am issuing a public apology to anyone I have said it to. 

(To a Mother of all boys) When are you going to try for a girl?
I could have 20 boys and still feel complete. I am gaga for boys. I personally have never cared about the sex of my child and I'm kinda glad I don't have to match dresses and bows and shoes- since I can barely coordinate myself. All the clothing options available for girls overwhelms me.  If I had a girl of course I would love the junk out of her, but honestly, I'll take whatever God's dishing out. 

That's it...and if you have any more to add to the list, I'd love to hear from you!



  1. How about the one that goes...When is your baby due? And finding out the baby is a 6 month old!! yikes

  2. When we lost our twins I got a lot of comments like that
    When we were pregnant with them I got the one stated above..

    After we lost them people (immediately) asked..... when are you going to start trying again? Or at least you're young, you cam have more kids!

    Seriously? People.....

  3. So proud of Grayson for getting his haircut without a tantrum...can he please teach my Noah how to do that?

    It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive some people can be. I know that for me, a listening and loving ear is the greatest thing anyone can have.

  4. A few years after my infant daughter survived her brain tumor and chemo and radiation we had a scare where it looked like she might have another brain tumor. A friend of the family said (paraphrased) he was sorry to hear the news, but at least we had a few years to enjoy her.

    How does that comfort a momma??

  5. Hi Chrissy:

    How bout' "Are you her Grandma?" (when asking about my relationship to my asian daughter). Good way to let the mom know she looks old...and make the child feel weird. How bout'just leaving it all alone and smile or say "hello!"