Friday, September 14, 2012

I believe in magic

It doesn't matter if the magic really exists or not...all that matters is that you believe it does...

Just the belief is enough sometimes...

My St. Louis people know about this place. The Magic House has been around since 1979 and on my list of things you must do when in St. Louis- even if you are 50 years old. It's a hands on innovative and interactive learning experience that makes learning full of joy and fun. It was one of my absolute favorite places to go when I was a kid, and sharing that experience with my boys was almost too good to bear.

Greyson was so happy...but not as happy as I was watching him...





My Spectrum kid has a crazy love for water...


Greyson, eyes on me-hands on knees...

Eyes on me... And then they would wait for him to look them in the eyes- and when he didn't they would grab a small toy and put it in between their eyes until Greyson made eye contact. That's eyes on me! Great job!

Oh no- Eyes on me! Hands on knees.

Greyson sat unwillingly in his little chubby yellow chair pushed up against the wall of our playroom. They would gently place his hands on his knees and say, Good Job! That's hands on knees! as if he had complied.

Greyson- Eyes on me!

I would hear it over and over and over again...hundreds of times in a jaw would clench tight...It all seemed so... bizarre.

Over and over until the words started to not sound like words anymore. His name no longer sounded like his name.

Greyson Eyes on me...Hands on knees...

Why am I letting my son be trained like a dog?  Crying real tears that forge a trail down his sweet and soft baby cheeks...And I stay downstairs, painfully listening intently...wanting desperately to rescue him. Until control is established between the Teacher and Greyson I was told it was best if I wasn't in the room.

Two forces fighting like mad within me...
He needs this... This will help him...
Go stop him... another voice said...

I would stand behind a wall watching him until I couldn't bear to any longer.

God! Where are you!? Do you see what's going on here? Why is this happening to him? Why can't he have a carefree childhood? Please God, help Greyson! He's only 2!!! He shouldn't know this kind of stress. Please help him because I'm not allowed to. 

I wanted to ask someone I knew about this- not someone I didn't know that has been through it. I didn't care what they had to say about it....Someone I've known forever and my sister or a friend. But I knew no one who had been in these shoes... Am I harming him, I wondered? They tell me he will stop fighting it soon. I don't want to beat the spirit out of him though. And I don't think he even understands what they are asking of him.

One day we were watching a movie in my arms were wrapped around him - wanting to protect him at every moment of every day so he still trusted me...and I looked down...His hands were on his knees- and he was still and calm. Not in a beaten down way, but in a zen-like way. And soon after that- he would place his hands on his knees when asked...and he would make fleeting eye contact when we said, Greyson- Eyes on me...

And that was the beginning of how Applied Behavior Analysis changed our life for the better and how I realized my son could learn.

June 7th, 2009... I finally laid my eyes on him and couldn't believe it... weird... it really was a baby in there the whole time. Not an alien or a puppy or indigestion. A baby. A person. A whole actual entire little being. Why didn't I talk to him more when he was in my belly? I would try- but I felt so stupid- not sure of what to say.

Hi's me... um- your Mom? Well, everyone else calls me Chrissy...I can't wait to meet you. Um...So, goodbye.

But once I realized it was him in there the whole time, my own little perfect him laying there in my armsI wished I had talked to him more in my belly.

And that's part of the reason I still talk to him today-- all the time --as if he understands...I tell him where we are going and what we are doing...I tell him if I am taking him somewhere and what we are going to do. I tell him about stuff that makes me sad and stuff that makes me laugh.
And some day in another conversation I will tell you about the ways he has shown me that he understands.

He is in there...He shows me when I forget...

And it's reason number 1 million that I believe in Magic.

This is what one million looks like in candy...

Doodle and I touching an electricity charged ball at The Magic House. His hair was born to do this.

We even made it on the local news.

Hope your weekend is filled with all kinds of Magic.


1 comment:

  1. Love this one Chrissy! He hears you and someday he'll show you how much those words have meant to him all these years.....
    You are magic momma!