Friday, September 7, 2012

Love Story

Our Life is under the Love Story section at the book store...No Fabio on the cover...

Just a real, beautiful everyday story of the everyday presence of love...

Everything begins and ends with love.


Love for ourselves is so important- just the way you already are friend. Love is woven throughout our lives...Love for God, love for people that are deserving- and even some that aren't... (We don't have to hang out with them or swallow their poison) but we will throw extra love their way instead of thinking I HATE THEM thoughts. Err on the side of Love. Choose love. Love people different than you- and remember, different comes in many different forms...

So often I hear Special Needs parents say that their Typical friends don't know what we go through- and therefore it's hard to relate to them.

I get that- I understand what it feels like to feel alone in your own head. To feel isolated. When you are in the minority you can feel unique in ways you would rather not be. There have been times in my life that I have felt like that. Completely alone. I hate it. Sometimes just having one person say, I get you, makes all the difference in the World.

I think it's up to us to attempt to bridge those gaps. Our perceived differences...Because there are so many of us that can say that they too have felt that isolation... There are people saying- My {white, black, gay, straight, adopted, kidless, divorced, happy, sad} friends don't get it... But I say- if I don't know your story- your pain- your joy- Will you tell me? Will you help me understand? Because I've got a pretty good feeling that we are more alike than we think. Imagine how much sweeter, nicer, awesomer the World will be then?

There was a time in my life in high school and some of college where my only priority was to be skinny. My worth was determined by that stinking number on the scale. It took hard work, therapy and a willingness to change that helped me through it. I threw away my scale and haven't owned one in probably 15 years.

Screw you scale.

There have been times that brings those terrible feelings of inadequacy connected to my weight closer to the when I have been pregnant...or when I can't exercise. But I can honestly say with relief that being skinny at any cost is no longer a driving force in my life. Those 2 lbs that would have put me over the edge once upon a time do not define me. Skinny people and overweight people may think they have nothing in common but they but I say maybe they do... They may think the other can't relate- but I say they can... They both think that their weight defines them. They both think about every bite that goes in their mouth...they both often feel not good enough. And now- I look around at adult women and see that eating disorders and exercise addiction isn't only for teens... And my heart breaks...Self-loathing in any form breaks my heart...even little comments... I look fat in pictures... I can't eat that- it's sooo fattening! Our children pick up on those things and those little seeds grow into thoughts and feelings...please- if you are struggling with how you look- please be aware of how fast those seeds grow in our itty bitties. The present of you is so much greater than the surface wrapping.

Looking at this street sign made me realize...hiding inside every can' a can...every single time...

I've had friends because they were fun to be around. I've had friends because they lived close. I've had friends because we've worked together. I've had friends because we've shared mutual friends. But now in my life- I have friends because they are caring, sweet, emotional and understanding people. Much like I never forced a second date with someone I didn't initially connect with- I don't have time for friendships that don't feel like marriage material. I don't do surface...I'm just not capable of it anymore.

When you move to a new town it can be really lonely. I longed for those college like relationships that are like your concrete foundation. I've ached at holidays- wanting those rituals that lifelong friendships often bring. You can't really go to the local Starbucks and pick up a mom friend. It took almost a year of living here- but I finally started to make real and authentic friendships. People that have similar Mom'ing styles- which now is at the top of my list of What makes a good friend to me.

I have witnessed time and time and time again- despite that most of my friends are not special needs moms- I feel like they actually do understand more often than not...and I believe this  because they understand Love and they understand pain. But my friends are usually deep thinkers/feelers/lovers which is why they are my friends in the first place...and although they may not get Autism- they get Love...and they get pain...and that is how I feel we they understand the pain of Grey's silence? Do they feel the pain and fear of IEP's and insurance and Therapy and little things that are speckled throughout my week that makes our parenting journey quite different? No...but those specific things that they don't get aren't necessarily so important to me for them to get....I want them to understand the love I feel...and the pain that the ability to love so fiercely can sometimes bring. I feel... And so often they have their own stories- their own pain that I won't get the specifics of...miscarriages, divorce, sick babies, ADD, a difficult family life, and I could go on and on... But I still feel like I can relate...I really do.

Not everyone is sensitive -but most people mean well... and I've had my share of comments from total boobs...but these insensitive folks aren't my people anyway--so after the initial mad or sting wears off- I totally don't care what they have to say.

I save that Love for the people that deserve it.

Friend, I get you.

I'll be back Monday or Tuesday of next week! Have a great weekend.

1 comment:

  1. Great post, I totally get it... I get you. Maybe not always, maybe I don't tell you when I do, but I get it from this message... Miss you terribly.
    Love always,