Wednesday, November 7, 2012

behind the scenes

I usually write after both Greyson and Parker go to bed at night... I slowly stroll through my pictures, relishing each memory from the day...remembering...smiling...gathering thoughts and trying my best to sift through to the important ones... Sometimes I don't know what I am going to write about until it unfolds on the keyboard in front of me with each pop of a key creating explosions of words...I breath in and out and type... and somehow during that experience of gathering and thinking and feeling and typing words spill out and turn into thoughts...

I don't want to go to bed late tonight, so I am starting early. Now as I write, Greyson is still awake next to me...and driving me absolutely insane...he is bouncing all over the bed as I try to look at pictures on my computer. He is haphazardly landing on random body parts of mine, causing me to yell out, OUCH!!! THAT IS MY LEG!!!! Which evokes absolutely no empathy from him. He ran out of fingernails so he is biting his toenails as I try to type...He is saying words put into sentence patterns that I'm convinced make sense in Spectrumville but only sound like noise to me- Ohhhh, ahhhh...bahhhh-sheeeee dooo.... Ohhhh, ahhhh...bahhhh-sheeeee dooo...until I can't hear it once more and I hiss out, SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

For me- good parenting involves crazy mad love, attention and time, heart energy and soul... and then... ALONE TIME... Frequent periods of gathering, reflecting and missing. I need time to miss.

I like sharing the behind the scenes with you. It's funny- because there is a slight part of me that feels guilty for saying those things... like I'm a bad Mom admitting that every moment is not in fact bliss...but that sentence makes me laugh out loud...I mean- of course it isn't all bliss. I bet that a ton of it -ISN'T bliss...but the bliss parts are so darned good- they brain wash the not bliss parts of your brain into always remembering more good than bad.

Belle the dog will probably remember today as more bad than good- because she got an outside bath from Michael.




Her final moment of freedom.

When I go to I get to see behind the scenes too. I see how many people stop by each day (today was 236)...Sometimes I analyze the numbers... most people read on Tuesday- Thursday each week...I see countries that have visited, URL's that have referred people to come here and key words searched on google that has led people to this site...that one is often one of my favorites for it's sure to provide me with a laugh.


Although it's been months since I wrote the original post, almost every week someone finds this blog by googling Fat Bus Driver... That makes me laugh out loud...


And just the other day- there was a bus driving out front of Greyson's school with a bus driver that looked exactly like Chris Farley in this picture...and I sat at the Stop Sign way too long, staring with my mouth open- until the driver broke into a smile and looked at me and waved. And I was sure he knew exactly what I was thinking so I overcompensated with a huge wave and grin....

It's happening again... Greyson is almost asleep by my side and I am remembering the good...




His calm breathing in and out reminds me that I must do the same...In and out... All day long.....he casually grabbed my hand and pulled it onto his chest to hold hands with him...I told him I would finish in two minutes so I can fulfill his unspoken request.




Some days it's oh so hard...Some days it's a cinch.

Hope today's a cinch...

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