celebrate life

No promises... no guarantees... Life can be so good and it can hurt so bad... 

I think the best way we can honor the lives lost in Newtown Connecticut is to cherish our own life. The best way we can honor those grieving parents is to cherish our own sweet children... This weekend I think we all were a little more patient...more aware...more appreciative...we loved longer and bigger and stronger... We noticed the little things that we often overlook...





How do we make that gratitude stay? 

For me this weekend's thoughts weren't political or about mental health-...For me--for today-- that stuff just didn't matter... All I thought about were the people who had lost their lives.

The only way to work towards healing hate immediately post tragedy...is to Love. To love big and proud, ferociously and profoundly... This weekend was about honoring and loving...praying...thinking...Appreciating. Today I immersed myself in reading...I wanted to know more...I wanted the victims to have a face...I wanted them to feel like very real people to me... 





I wanted details of their life... I imagined how Benjamin Wheeler's (6) Mom would feel, walking by his now closed bedroom door... knowing there will never be one more story, one more drink of water, one more kiss goodnight. 

Thinking about Grace McDonnell's (7) dirty laundry- still in the hamper-smelling like Life ...gifts hidden in the closet that will never be opened...

Principal, Dawn Hochsprung's toothbrush- still in the holder and her coffee cup in the dishwasher- never to be used by her again... 

It's easy to get caught up on stats...26 deaths at Sandy Hook Elementary School...But each and every child and Faculty had a Story...a Journey...a Life... A favorite color...a special laugh... They were real people and I join you in honoring each and every one of them.

It usually feels like regular old everyday Life to us...But in the wake of tragedy like this... We realize how sacred each day is.

8 boys, 12 girls...And Teachers who loved our children like their own blood...

Life doesn't always make sense... 

Something happened to me on Friday... I fell in love with Parker all over again... My Love has always been constant and forever... But something about this Love felt so true and so pure. Like a gift. Which I guess it always has been... But sometimes I can't see things right in front of me. No substitutions- God said...no salad if it comes with fries... No Typical if it comes with Autism.... It's as is...Do you want it or not?

YES! I want it... I'll take it... Please may I?

My story is raw and overflowing with purpose. I think we are all called to greatness in our life. But sometimes we are so busy - we never hear the call. Thank you God for making my call so damn loud that I can't ignore it.




Saturday was my 39th birthday...and despite the chaos of Life right now...it was one of my favorites... I had an amazing and fun lunch with gals that I am so lucky to call friends...



Tequila at noon...practically scandalous... (if you don't get out much, like me.)
We cozied down despite the cold air outside and laughed.




We celebrated being alive...





Afterwards we browsed around in a cool old vintage shop called Vintage on Fourth...




I saw signs everywhere...reminding me that Parker would be OK...reminding me that OK may not be the OK I had hoped for...yet OK nonetheless. I chose him. I chose both of them. They are my perfect.







Be sure to keep your eyes open...there are signs for you everywhere too...




There is purpose in this path. Pain and purpose. Love and tears.  We all have our struggles. I'm lucky I can share mine with you. I'm ecstatic you listen and you apply them to your life. You use them to live greater. 

Do not read my words and feel guilty. Do not feel guilty for sometimes wishing your child would be quiet and stop talking! Do not feel guilty if your day isn't packed with therapy and tantrums, psych's or MD's. Do not feel guilty about your Typically developing child! Never!  Do not feel guilty if you aren't carpe dieming every second and going down the slide with your kid because you have a bad knee. 

Read my words and feel ALIVE . Feel blessed.. Feel ENOUGH. FEEL...  Constantly doing is the opposite of feeling. Just take a moment to stop...take in a deep breath...and feel...

I'm ready to wrap my arms around the World...I am knee deep in accepting.  Sometimes it hurts like Hell. I am also enlightened in a way I've never known. God loves my babies even more than me. That is a crazy lot. He's got it covered. He just asked me to take care of them as part of my Earthly duty. And I've got that covered.

You think your words couldn't possibly help me- but oh my friend- they do. they are. they will. Thank you --every one of you. It's washing over me and replacing fear and sadness with calm. Yes- I will be up and down and up... My mind is a roller coaster- this is only the beginning... But at this instant I am comfortable in my bed...two babies breathing in and out just a couple of rooms away... This moment is perfect.
I only need to deal in moments... Not the future. Just today. Same with you...

Parker has already started speech. He will start the rest of early intervention very soon. I will continue to need your love, words and hope. I promise to look for the bright if you promise to continue to share your light.