Tonight I went to Physical Therapy...and they didn't have me on the books for another 30 minutes... I panic...I only had a hall pass for a finite period of time...and tacking 30 additional minutes on the excursion was not in the cards... And I had forgotten my phone... Which brought me to the scary realization that I was alone...with my thoughts...Just me. I got all twitchy... No texting... no checking voicemail...no checking email or the Internet... I heard every gurgle of my stomach...noticed every dog hair on my pants...I felt the soft cushy soft feel of new socks on my feet. It's amazing what you notice when you don't have a phone attached. And a few minutes in I did what people in olden times did. I sat quietly and thought...And the twitching stopped...and I suddenly settled into it. The quiet. The peace. The lack of availability and accountability... It's been a really tough few days with the G man... and I can't tell you how good it felt to just be. I found a pen and paper in my purse and I started to do things that settled my mind... I wrote a To Do list for tomorrow because those words are so much tinier on paper than in mind. Easy. I wrote a grocery list for my trip after Physical Therapy. And by the time they called my name I was used to it. My date with me. I wasn't so bad. ________________________________ We don't have a tree up yet. I'm telling you so you can laugh at me and feel really good about yourself. I was embarrassed at first- but now I don't care. It will happen. We were late last year too- but I had forgotten all about that until now. Christmas 2011. Parker decorating last year... The tree will pull itself out of the box in the garage and put itself up soon. Despite the fact that the boys don't get Christmas or Santa- we will still do it at out house. We will always do Santa. Because my boys "get" presents. They love unwrapping and finding gifts... They get Love. They feel God. And we will do Santa because I still believe in Magic. I always will. And when I forget to believe--- I need reminders where I can see them... Santa represents Magic... Santa symbolizes that maybe- just maybe anything is possible... Maybe it is believable that a guy can travel all over the World spreading love and presents and cheer. Maybe he can travel down chimneys and eat millions of cookies... You know the phrase- Like a child on Christmas morning? Why can't big people feel that joy too? I say we can. ________________________________________ Over the weekend it felt like Christmas while celebrating with friends at a tree farm close by. I love tree farms... Every time I drive by one I am mesmerized by the beauty that is chock full of symbolism. New Life...growth...Stages... It just feels like life...the top is all crazy and haphazard... and in the midst of chaos...there is still the presence of the even and calm rows below... My mind always gets lost in the calm even rows... Despite the fact that I haven't gone to Catholic School and worn a plaid uniform in eons- I still usually wear uniform type colors- navy, gray, green, black and white. 'Tis the Season -so I branched out and bought red jeans- and I feel like I'm all daring when I wear them. We rode an old fashioned tractor ride, played, and warmed by an outdoor fire. Doodle had his first go round in a bounce house...and watching him enjoy himself... Just wow...no words...just wow... Sometimes you must Believe... You must believe in things...even when people tell you otherwise...especially when people tell you otherwise. Sometimes you must believe in things, even though you don't understand how exactly it's going to work or play out. Sometimes you gotta believe in things you can't read, see or know for a fact... That childlike wonder? It can still be ours... You're never to old to Believe.